Hidden thoughts

Chapter 15

When we landed at Akiva I watched as Hux strode about, kicking at the belongings in the dirt. Four stormtroopers that we had brought with us checked inside the Falcon, "Nothing here General" they confirmed, appearing at the open doorway. "Ren, there are only three skeletons on this pile" Hux said, kicking at the ashes "The forth one was killed by the Tye pilots, he apparently fell into the river, I expect his body is in the sea by now". Hux nodded, "All the same, considering that there are still six left alive I would like to get the troops to do a thorough search of the area before we leave", I lifted my hands, "Be my guest".

The search seemed to take forever. I stood waiting as patiently as I could, the hot sun beating down on me, watching Hux picking up and examining each of the items left behind. Suddenly he spoke, his back to me, "Must have been hard for you, killing the scavenger and your mother". I straightened up and stared at the back of his head, did he know the truth? Had he guessed?, "It would have been hard but now I'm Supreme Leader I have to fulfil my duties without question or emotion" I stated simply, hoping I sounded sincere. Hux turned and nodded, "Forgive me if I am talking out of place Supreme Leader, but I got the impression that there was something between you and the scavenger girl?", I raised my eyebrows, partly in surprise that he knew that and partly from irritation, "She was merely a passing fancy" I lied leaning against the shuttle, feeling the heat of the metal. Hux nodded again, "It's a difficult life ours Ren, we are born males and yet if we are to remain powerful we must abstain from sins of the flesh. She was a pretty girl Ren, I can see how you could have been tempted". If only he knew how tempted I thought but I remained silent. At that moment the Troopers returned breathing heavily, "Nothing General, the area is clear". Hux nodded and headed up the ramp onto the command shuttle. I followed along with the Troopers and once inside I sat down, pleased to be out of the heat. "What shall we do with the Falcon?" Hux asked, I shrugged, "Let some scavenger take it" I said, almost laughing at the irony of my comment.

As soon as we arrived back at base I made my excuses and headed to my quarters. The door swooshed open. The room was empty. I froze, and then suddenly terrified I stepped into the room and locked the door behind me. "Rey?" I called out. A sound from the shower room and then a moment later Rey's face appeared, phew, I forgot I told them to go in the bathroom if anyone came to the room. "Ben!" Rey cried coming forwards and hugging me. I kept my hands by my side as she held me aware of the others following her out of the shower room. "Did he buy it? Are we good to go?" Poe asked. Rey pulled away and looked me in my eyes, I nodded, feeling a wave of sorrow run through me. This was it, Rey was going.

Rey, Leia, Finn and Poe put on their armour and followed me to the command shuttle. Hux was nowhere to be seen, good, he might just get away with this. We took off and flew to Bacuu. As we came into land Finn pulled off his helmet. The resistance fighters on the ground were shouting and waving happily as we touched down. As the door opened I watched Finn run into Roses arms and again I got that heavy wave of sorrow wash over me as I looked at Rey embracing all of her friends as they came on board. We lifted off again and this time I flew to Akiva, landing next to the Falcon. I stayed in my seat, staring at my hands. No one said a word to me as they disembarked and began collecting their belongings together, wrapping their arms around each other as they boarded the Falcon. And then suddenly my mother was stood by me. She took my hand and lifted it to her lips kissing it, "My beautiful baby boy. You will forever be in my heart. I love you, I have always loved you. I let you down, we all did but we always loved you", in saying that she leant down and kissed my forehead softly. Tears sprang to my eyes, there was so much I wanted to say but I didn't know how. I watched her leave the ship and a single tear ran down my cheek just as Rey appeared at my side, "Ben, I don't know what to say" I shook my head afraid that if I spoke I would fall apart. Rey, seeing my distress knelt down next to where I sat and wrapped her arms around my neck, pulling me towards her. This time I didn't hesitate. I returned the hug, my arms around her shoulders, my head resting on hers. I didn't want to let go, I felt so alone and she hadn't even left me yet. "Rey! Come on!" Came Poe's voice from outside. Rey pulled away and looked at me, tears streaming down her face, I blinked back my own tears as she whispered into my ear, "I'll come and see you soon using our force bond" and then she pulled away from me. I watched her head down the ramp, pausing once to look back and wave and then she was gone and I was alone. Very much alone.