Hidden thoughts

Chapter 13

Once everyone was in my room I sent for a catering droid to bring us food and we all sat in silence eating, I hadn't realised how hungry I was until I started.  I watched Rey with amusement as I ate.  Every piece of food she marvelled at as she ate it, I guessed being a scavenger you didn't eat so well.

When we had finished and the droid had collected the dishes, I offered my shower out.  Poe snorted and stated that he would rather stink (which he did), Finn said he just wanted to get back to Rose, he'd worry about how he smelt then.  My mother accepted and I sent the laundry droid away to bring new clothes for her and Rey.  I knew Hux wouldn't find out about the clothes, he never had anything to do with such matters, he felt that they were below his rank. 

Whilst my mother showered I stood awkwardly to one side of the room, suddenly out of place in my own space.  Poe and Finn sat talking in hushed voices and Rey was busy fiddling with her hair.  It was a relief when the shower room door opened and Leia walked out, her long, grey hair hanging around her face, the simple white smock I had provided her with making her look much less like a General and much more like the mother I remembered.  "Rey?" I said gently.  She looked up at me, her beautiful face smudged with sweat and dust, "you can shower if you wish?", Rey smiled and stood up stretching, "I'd love to, thank you Ben", Poe tossed his eyes as she spoke to me but I didn't care, I just wished that I could shower with her.

I watched Rey collect up the clothes I had got for her and head into the bathroom, turning at the door to give me a shy smile.  I kept my eyes on the door for a moment, before I realised that my mother was watching me intently as she wound her hair up onto her head, securing it into place.  Suddenly embarrassed I sat down in a chair and began taking off my gloves, pulling each finger free in turn as I listened to the water running next door.  "Ben?  May I speak with you?", my mother said gently coming to sit next to me.  I nodded, keeping my eyes down, smoothing my gloves and then laying them out on the table next to me.  "Does she know do you think?" Leia asked, her voice low so that Poe and Finn couldn't hear.  I raised my eyes to hers and furrowed my brow, "Does who know what." I asked, matching the volume of my voice to hers, "Rey, does she know you love her?".  The question caught me so off guard that I had I stared at my mother for a moment, my mouth opening and closing silently, "Ben, she told me about your force connections, about how you killed Snoke for her, what you asked her to do.  She told me all of it.  Ben come with us, run away and hide with us.  No one is supposed to be alone", she reached down and held one of my hands, squeezing it gently.  I shook my head, pulling my hand away, "I,I can't go with you, if I do that Hux will know that this has all been a trick and he will hunt us all to the ends of the galaxy, he will never stop".  At that moment the shower room door swished open and Rey came out.  She looked beautiful, like a vision to me.  Her hair was down around her shoulders, dripping onto the white dress I had given her which clung to her body, making me swallow hard, looking away.  I stood, readying to take my shower but Leia stopped me, grabbing my hand again, "There must be a way Ben", I shook my head and pulled my hand away, collecting clean clothes and then heading into the shower room.  As soon as the door shut I leant my back against it, feeling tears prick my eyes.