Hidden thoughts

Chapter 18

When I awoke the next morning she was gone but the love that I had felt for her remained.  There was no use lying to myself, I loved her.  I promised myself that I would tell her that one day.

I found myself thinking of her endlessly, wondering where she was and what she was doing.  Hux noticed my distraction on the second day after mine and Rey's kiss.  "Can I ask where your mind is Ren?" He asked irritatedly as we poured over plans for the starkiller base.  I lifted my eyes to look at him.  He stood with his brows raised, his eyes sweeping over me, "I am just tired" I said looking down again, running my finger along the plans, Hux leant in close to me then "Who is it? One of the female troopers?", I looked up again and narrowed my eyes, "What?", Hux laughed, "Come on Ren, I know.  No man can concentrate when he has a woman in his bed.  Is she waiting for you now?" I force lifted Hux and threw him backwards against the wall, "I should kill you right now for your insolence General".  Hux stood then, shaking and clutching at his back, "Incase you have forgotten Hux" I spat, "I killed my mother and the scavenger girl and burned their bodies, my mind is just adjusting to what I have done. I will be fine and I certainly don't need your concern". Hux looked furious, "I am just trying to keep you focused Ren, we may have wiped out the resistance but there will be others, we need to get on with the new starkiller as a matter of urgency and I don't feel that your mind is here". I studied Hux for a moment before sitting down heavily, I was going to have to be careful around him. Hux was silent after that, sulking, keeping his head down, tapping buttons on the control panel.

I headed back to my quarters after that and went and sat at my desk, gazing out at the stars. I took off my gloves and pulled off my boots, thinking about Rey and my mother, wondering where they were. I wanted to see Rey but I decided that I had to wait for her to connect to me, I didn't want anyone else there with her when I appeared. I stayed up for a while hoping to hear from Rey but I heard nothing and eventually I showered and climbed into bed feeling disappointed.

I had been laying there staring up at the ceiling for a while before I heard her, "Ben". I turned to see her stood at the other side of my room. I sat up, unable to hide my smile from her. She didn't smile back but came and sat next to me. I sat up, concern flooding my mind, why was she sad? "What's wrong?" I asked touching her arm. Rey sniffed and turned to look at me, "It's Poe, he is refusing to stay hidden". I lifted my hand and rubbed my face crossly, that idiot was going to ruin everything. I looked at Rey and realised that she was crying, "He's going to ruin everything that you've done, I'm sorry, I've tried to talk to him but he wants to attack you, he wants you dead Ben", I reached across and held her hand, using my other hand to wipe her tears away. "Let him come. He will get himself killed but do not try to follow him Rey. If Hux sees you as well then he will know that I lied and he will kill us both, do you understand Rey?" I asked, squeezing her hand. "I don't want him killed Ben, but I don't want you killed more" she began to cry again leaning her head on my shoulder, "Where are you Rey?" I asked quietly. Rey lifted her head and looked at me, her pretty eyes puffy from tears, "Devaron", I paused for a moment and then wrapped my arm around her shoulders, "I will come there in the morning, I will deal with this myself" I said, "What are you going to do?" Rey asked, her eyes wide, "I don't know yet but I need to stop him before he gives you all away". Rey nodded slowly and then suddenly looked up at something beyond me, "I have to go" she said abruptly and as quickly as it had started the connection broke and I was left alone with just the damp of Rey's tears as a reminder of her.