Hidden thoughts

Chapter 16

I watched the Falcon lift up into the sky and I couldn't stop the tears from falling. I put my head in my hands and sobbed, my heart felt so empty that it physically ached. I cried harder than I ever had, feeling like an abandoned little boy not a Supreme Leader. You had to let her go I reminded myself, you had to.

When I landed at my base I left the shuttle quickly and headed to my quarters, I wanted to be alone. I was walking down the hallway thinking about how Rey had been with me when I last walked these halls when a voice behind me made me jump, Hux. "I've been looking for you Supreme Leader, no one had seen you", cursing under my breath I stopped and turned to face him, "I was busy" I stated bluntly, offering no further explanation, Hux nodded, "You look terrible Supreme Leader, perhaps you should go and lie down" Hux said, his voice full of spite and false concern. I suddenly remembered that I had been crying and my eyes must be red and puffy, I nodded and turned quickly, beginning to walk away from Hux towards my quarters, "Was there anything else General?" I said as I went, not looking back, "No, just wondered where you had snuck off to that's all". I stopped and spun on my heel, I was in no mood to listen to his snipes at me. I raised my hand and he lifted into the air, pulling at his neck and gasping for breath "Watch what you say to me General, you are replaceable" I said dropping him then and heading into my quarters.

Once inside I looked around, it was hard to imagine the room as it was last night, full of people. I sat down heavily on the edge of the bed, pulling off my gloves and wearily rubbing my face. I felt so tired that I kicked off my boots and lay down on my side, sliding one arm under the pillow to hug it and that was when I found it, a folded piece of note paper. My note paper from the table next to my bed.

I sat up and unfolded it:

Ben,

Firstly I am eternally grateful for all you have done not just for me but for my friends too. I am sorry for the way that they treat you, you don't deserve it, I know it and so does your mother. I have tried to make sense in my mind of all that has happened to me, and you and us, but I can't, all I know is there is definitely an 'us'. We not only have this force bond thing but I feel as though I could tell you anything and I hope you know the same goes for you. I care about you Ben, deeply. I am heartbroken at the thought of you sat alone reading this. You deserve love Ben.

When we get somewhere safe I will come to you via a force connection, I promise.

Take care of yourself Ben,

Rey x

I refolded the note and held it between my hands, fighting back the urge to start crying again.