Regiphobia

The Dance

Goda spent most of that day outside, wandering the hedge maze or strolling through the forest trail. Accompanied by guards, of course. He wasted time looking around and getting fresh air. He didn't even go inside for lunch, but that wasn't much of a surprise.

It was around 6:00 PM when the doors of the castle opened. The king and several guards exited. Goda turned to face him, slightly surprised and slightly tense. He worried that Gabe could read what had happened on his face like a glowing sign. However, Gabe walked up to him and wrapped an arm around him. Of course he didn't know. How could he?

"Hey doll, why don't we head inside? I got all my work done for now, and I promised you an apology," Gabe whispered in his ear, leading him to the door. Goda nodded, then Gabe continued, "So, darling, what would you like to do?"

"Uh... I d-dunno, really. Surprise me," Goda said, not wanting to talk too much. He felt like if he said one too many words, he'd reveal everything. Gabe smiled down at him.

"Alright. I hope you're ready," he said, walking back inside with the other. He mumbled something to a guard beside him, who nodded and ran off. The pair made their way up to the second floor, down the hall, and into the giant ballroom. Goda looked a little confused until the guard he'd talked to earlier walked in, followed by a small orchestra. He looked up at Gabe as they prepared themselves and the guards moved to the walls.

"May I have this dance, my angel?" Gabe said softly. He held out his hand to Goda. He nodded, taking the king's hand. He pulled him closer as the orchestra began to play a soft, slow song. They moved and danced together. Goda tried to ignore the fear and tension that seemed to eat at his heart. The music rose and fell, and they moved right along with it. Goda followed Gabe, as always. He did as Gabe instructed him to. He moved only when he was allowed, he breathed only under supervision, he lived only with permission. He had no input in how they moved together, or how he moved alone. That all belonged to Gabe. As always.

Until now, of course.

Goda focused on the memory of Juan. The feeling of warm hands on his hips, the ghost of the kiss, the sound of his heart in his ears. The feeling of love, real love, so different than whatever he'd felt when he first saw Gabe. He was scared, of course. Gabe could find out, or worse, Juan could end up just like the king. But Goda had hope. If he gave that up, he'd most certainly be lost, trapped in this dance with Gabe. A dance he had no say in, where he had to be Perfect as to not anger the other. A dance he had to navigate without knowing the moves or the song.

He focused on the memory. He imagined he was with Juan now, rather than Gabe. He knew he was cheating, on the king no less, but he didn't care. The pain made him not care. Goda was scared, of course, how couldn't he be? But with his every thought consumed by Juan, what else could he do? With his every moment spent thinking about the other, he wanted nothing more than to find him and kiss him. If he could run from the ballroom now, to the other side of the castle, and right into Juan's arms, he would without a second thought.

He didn't. Of course. He didn't have a death wish. Most of the time.

OK. Maybe not exactly most.

He was yanked back into the moment by Gabe pulling him into a kiss. Goda kissed back, as to not anger the other, but it was nothing like the kiss in the storage room, stolen and amazing, and so full of love. This one was colder, surrounded by onlookers, more of a plea for forgiveness than a loving statement. He wanted to go back to the storage room.

Gabe pulled back, "Have I apologized enough? Or would you like me to spend the next month until our wedding making it up to you and groveling for forgiveness at your feet?"