Regiphobia

The Mind

It was only two days after Goda had witnessed his own father's death, and he was doing better than he'd expected.

He'd spent as much of the previous day as possible with Juan, just talking. The other reassured him, held him, protected him. So that day, he was able to get himself up out of bed and get dressed. He managed to head to the elevator and head down to the first floor. He made it to the dining hall, took his seat, and ate enough of his meal that he could feel proud of himself. And, by the look on Juan's face as he guarded one of the doors, his lover was too.

After that, he left a note for Juan in case he wanted to stop by and headed up to his study to draw.

Juan, meanwhile, was a bit busy. He had basically a completely full day. Guard the dining hall at breakfast, patrol the yard until eleven, help the kitchen staff unload a food truck and put things away like he'd promised the head servant he would do, guard the front gates until three, then he had an hour break before having to join some other guards for a training session outside. Then he had to guard the dining hall for dinner, then he finally got off duty. If he wanted to spend time with Goda, it would have to be either between three and four or after dinner entirely.

However, based on the note Goda left him, it seemed the latter would be impossible. It stated that the king had planned a small, private dinner for the two of them so he wouldn't be able to spend that time with the other.

Juan sighed as he left the mailroom to head outside. It was a nice day out. Late flowers were finally starting to bloom, trees shifted slightly in the wind, the lake was calm and resting. He smiled. Hey, if he couldn't be with either of his two favorite people in the world, he was glad he could be outside on such a beautiful day.

The hours passed by as he simply made rounds around the area. A few times when he stopped he was able to watch or listen to the world around him. A squirrel scampered up a tree as he passed. A bird was singing a couple meters away, hidden somewhere in the leaves. As he passed the lake, he noticed a fish brush by the surface of the water.

Before he knew it, it was eleven and someone came out to take his place. It was an officer he'd chatted with many times before, and one he knew was designated to trail Goda a lot. He raised a hand and gave a smile in greeting, "Sanmenroppi! How're you doing?"

"I'm fine. Better rested compared to the last time we spoke," she shrugged, reaching back to tighten her ponytail. Her black hair fell to just past her shoulders, probably a bit further when she let it down.

"Good! You here to take over?" he asked. She gave a nod, they said quick goodbyes, and he went on his way. Next, he was headed to the kitchen. He made his way in through the dining hall just as the truck was pulling up beside the castle. A much smaller man, more than half a foot shorter than Juan, was tapping a pen against his clipboard. He looked to the door when Juan pushed it open.

"Ah, Cazado, you're here," he said, "The truck just arrived, just set the crates over there." He pointed to a corner of the room where people were struggling to bring crates already. Juan nodded and headed outside to help them carry stuff in. It was pretty repetitive, but not hard. It gave him a chance to chat with the kitchen staff, though! He learned some tidbits about people around the castle, even if he didn't really ever use any of it.

Like relationship updates, and how the head servant, who luckily couldn't hear them, had been spending a weird amount of his breaks watching the guards train, or how Aaron, the head guard's secretary, had been throwing away anonymous love letters. The stuff that people could find out just by being around when people didn't care or bother to see them was insane.

After a while, Juan said his goodbyes and left the kitchen, now making his way out to the front of the castle. He walked up the gravel path to the gates, glancing to check and see who else was on duty. Someone he didn't know this time. He got in his position before turning to look at her. She had blond hair, brown eyes, and a thin frame, despite the muscle all guards there had.

"Hey!" he lifted a hand, smiling. She looked over at him, a bit shocked.

"Uh... hi?" she spoke after a brief hesitation.

"I'm Juan Cazado, nice to meet you. I don't think I've seen you around before!"

"Oh, you're one of the twins everyone keeps telling me about," she replied, shifting a bit in place.

"My reputation precedes me! What's your name? Are you new here?"

"Oh, yeah, I just started a couple of weeks ago. I'm Solené Delcroix, nice to meet you too," she said, slightly returning the contagious smile Juan wore. They talked a bit as the hour slipped by, then she waved her goodbyes as another guard started walking down the path to take her place.

Juan's eyes lit up as he saw who it was. "Hermangran!" he waved, grinning.

José sighed as he approached, "Energetic as always, hermanito."

"How's your day been?" Juan asked, staying at his post but much more excited now.

"Fine. Nothing out of the ordinary," José shrugged.

"I've been really busy today, but I was gonna go hang out with Goda after this for my break, then-" Juan started, but José interjected.

"You've been spending a lot of time with him. You're going to get caught," José narrowed his eyes. He'd been meaning to talk to the other about this for a while.

"We're being careful, don't worry! I wouldn't get caught!" Juan argued.

"It doesn't matter how careful you're being overall, it only takes one slip up before you're as good as dead," Jose said.

"Then we won't slip up!"

"You're going to get careless, Juan, you can't keep doing this forever-"

"Goda will come around eventually, and then he can leave the king and-"

"If he hasn't 'come around' by now, he's not going to, you can't keep lying to yourself like-"

"You don't know Goda!" Juan said, getting worked up over this topic.

"And you do?" José snapped.

Juan stepped back a bit, eyes filled with emotion. "I... I do. He tells me things, and we spend so much time together, and we love each other."

"You've known him for, what, a month?" José said.

"Yeah, but..." Juan trailed off, dropping his head, "...You're right. Like always. I won't go see him."

José said nothing. He just turned his head forward again, not saying a word. Juan did the same, but he couldn't get those words out of his head.

"And you do?"

He did, he was sure he knew Goda, Goda wouldn't hide something from him, right? He'd tell Juan if there was something he needed to know. Then why... why did José sound so certain? Why couldn't José see what he saw in Goda? Why was Juan so uncertain all of a sudden?

He just sighed and waited until his shift was over, then turned to his brother. "I love you, hermangran, I'll see you later."

"Bye."

Juan walked off. He hadn't heard those words back from his brother in... years. And yeah, it hurt, but he didn't mind. He knew his brother did love him. He walked back into the palace, hesitating by the staircase. He could just go up and see Goda, it wasn't like he absolutely had to honor his words to José. He knew where the other was, he had a whole hour. He could just go for five to fifteen minutes, then leave and go back. No one would ever know. No one but him and Goda.

He walked past the staircase to get to the Guard's Quarters. He walked inside, went straight to his room, and laid down. There was always tomorrow.