Regiphobia

The Missing

Goda had been missing for two days. Juan watched the unread notes pile up on his nightstand as he picked them up from the mailroom. There were five, none of which Goda had taken. He was incredibly worried. He used the hours he had on patrol to search for him, to no avail. Every moment of his breaks was spent searching for the boy.

His brother had noticed his distress, but he had yet to bring it up. However, when José came back into their room and Juan was sitting on the bed, reading over his own letters to see if he'd said something wrong or if there was any chance Goda might have picked them up and just put them back, he sighed. "What's wrong?" he asked.

"It's Goda, he hasn't picked up any of my notes. I've looked for him everywhere I can, he's just- It's like he's not even in the palace anymore, hermangran!" Juan said, emerald eyes filled with distress, "Nothing seemed wrong the last time we spent time together, but now he's nowhere to be seen. He's never in his room when I look inside, he's never in his study, he's never outside or in any room, he hasn't been at dinner- It's like he just disappeared right off the face of the earth!"

José listened to him rant, then crossed his arms. "I could ask Officer Pastor who's been stationed to watch him recently if that'll stop you panicking over him probably just being busy."

"This is more than him being busy, he's never done this before."

"But it's also getting close to the wedding, Juan. It's a week or so away, correct?"

"A week from tomorrow..."

"So he could just be busy planning."

"But then I'd see him outside somewhere, right? Like in his study or the kitchen or even his room at night, right?"

"...He's not in his room at night?"

"No! And I haven't heard a word from anyone, it's like he's just gone and no one cares! The king hasn't said a word, the other guards haven't noticed, people don't just go missing, right? Right?"

"They do, but not without anyone noticing. I'll talk to the Head Officer, stay here," José said, turning and walking out without another word. Juan sighed and sat down, running a stressed hand through his hair. If Goda didn't want to talk to him, he'd just tell him, right? So why wasn't he? Where was he? Was something happening? Had something already happened? Why was no one asking questions? Did no one give a shit about him?! They had to, of course they did, they had to, it couldn't just be him, that would be ridiculous- Goda had a fiancé after all! Of course someone else cared!

Right?

Meanwhile, José made his way down the hall. He kept his face devoid of emotion and forced himself to feel the same. He knocked on the door of Officer Pastor's office, waiting for the man to open it.

"Ah, Cazado, what seems to be the issue?" he eventually pulled open the door, needing to look up to meet José's eyes.

"I just have a question for you, sir. My brother has been a bit worried and would like to know who has been set to watch over the eventual Prince Consort these past two days," José asked, hoping no one would catch on to why his brother was worried.

"Ah, of course. I'll pull up the documents, one moment," Pastor said, stepping back into his office. He was at his computer for a few moments before his printer started working. José noticed that he seemed strangely tense.

He walked over to retrieve the printed paper, then read it over as he walked to José. "Huh... That's unusual. Koetsu hasn't had anyone assigned to him or his room since two days ago. Is that all you need?"

Suspicion filled the elder Cazado as he nodded, "Yes sir. Thank you."

"No problem, keep up the good work. You're dismissed," Léo said, shutting the door behind him. José turned and walked back to the room they shared, the gears turning in his head. Officer Pastor had definitely been tense when he'd talked about his brother and Goda, and the fact about the guards hadn't been sitting right with him. He knew a few things about the king, and one was that he wouldn't let his soon to be husband go anywhere without supervision from at least one guard, more if it was outside of the palace. He knew that had Goda run away from the palace for any reason, the news would be writing and filming up a storm, and he'd definitely have heard about it by now. He knew that if Goda was sick in bed or something, Juan would have easily found him in the hospital wing, and there would be a guard.

José sighed and shook his head. This wasn't his mystery to solve. He walked back into their room, looking over to Juan, who stood. "What did he say?" he asked.

"No one's guarded Goda for two days," José said, "Not a word on where Goda is now."

Juan's eyes widened. That... couldn't be correct.

But below their feet, Goda was curled against a door, too dehydrated to sob anymore and too hungry to speak. He hadn't been able to sleep the past two nights. He weakly pounded his fist against the door, hoping anyone could hear him. He did it again, with no response either time. He curled up a bit more.

He hadn't dared walk around in the darkness, unsure what was there and not knowing if he'd be able to find his way back to the door at all. He thumped his fist on it one last time before letting his hand fall. There was dried blood on some of his knuckles. He felt like he was going to be sick.

Suddenly, from a small hatch in the door that he'd struggled with for hours the previous day, something came into the room. The meal was small and there was only a single glass of water, but he physically could not turn either down at this point. The hatch closed right after. He sipped on the water and nibbled at the food so he didn't throw it up, he couldn't risk that. He slowly worked on them until the food was gone and the glass was empty, but his stomach still growled and his throat ached and his head throbbed and his knuckles stung.

He curled back up against the door, letting out a brief groan of pain in the hope that someone, anyone, would hear him. He wanted to give up, but he knew he couldn't let himself. He wanted desperately to ignore the next meal he got and let himself fade, but he couldn't.

He just hoped someone had noticed he was gone. Had Juan? Did he care? Had Gabe's siblings? Had the Head Officer, or the Head Servant, or any soul in the palace? Or had he just faded from existence that easily?

"Juan..." he got out in a whisper, hugging his knees. Everything ached, but he didn't move. The darkness consumed him. He slowly let his eyes fall closed, slipping into unconsciousness. As sleep dragged him into its warm embrace, he didn't know whether he prayed to wake up or begged not to.

He didn't dream, nor did a nightmare haunt him. Not that night.

But Juan didn't know any of that. So he just said to his brother, "That's a lie, right?"

"He seemed shocked when he read it," José said, "I don't think it was."

Juan looked absolutely terrified as he sat back down. "And they only just noticed...? What happened to him?"

"Juan, you need to calm down. He's probably fine. It's better for you like this anyway, you would be in massive amounts of trouble if you'd gotten caught," he said.

"But hermangran-"

"I have to go, I'm stationed outside," he said abruptly, grabbing his things and turning to leave.

"Hermangran-!"

But he was gone. And Juan was alone. He took a deep breath and tried to convince himself that what José said was true, but he couldn't. That truth hurt too much.

Now that he was alone, he started to cry. At first, it came slowly, but then he was sobbing and clutching one of his pillows, biting it to muffle the sound. He didn't stop for a long time, letting out every emotion he'd been keeping inside. All the pain from his own mind and memories haunting him, all the anger at King Gabriel, all the fear over Goda, all the hurt from José's words stabbing into his heart like a dagger, cutting and slashing and never giving him a break.

Juan stopped crying after a while.

It hadn't stopped hurting