Regiphobia

The Worry

After that day faded by, Goda was finally able to walk around. He was given a pair of crutches, of course, and he had to be supervised by guards constantly, but he was able to walk.

Gabe walked through the trail in the forest with him, slowing down his own pace to accommodate Goda. They kept up idle, quiet chatter. Birds twittered and their voices rang out.

"How's your leg feeling?" Gabe asked.

"It's alright enough," Goda shrugged.

"And your side?"

"Hurts a bit. The paink-killers they gave me do wonders."

"Good," Gabe turned back to the trail, eyes filled with an emotion that couldn't quite be recognized by Goda. It looked familiar, though. He looked away from the king's face, eyes flicking through the trees. Silence fell over the couple until they reached the end of the trail.

"I have a bit of work to do, doll. I'll see you at lunch," Gabe said, taking Goda's hand and kissing the back of it. Goda smiled as the other nodded to a guard and walked back towards the castle. He watched him leave, not moving just yet. Once Gabe was completely gone, he started in.

Juan was patrolling the halls, so tempted to run downstairs and check the mail room for a note. Or leave one of his own. He needed to see Goda, to hold him, to make sure he was OK. He saw a group round the corner. The king and some guards. Juan stepped out of the way, keeping his head down. Ever since he'd started doing this with Goda, he hated the guy more and more. He learned things about him that made his opinion of him go down by the day. He wondered what would make that man hit rock bottom in his mind.

He shook off his thoughts as the king disappeared around the next corner. He set his mind on seeing Goda before the end of the day. He weaved through halls to get down to the mail room, where Goda was just leaving, in crutches and going slow. They both didn't say a word to each other, but when they were near each other, Goda dropped his crutch, forcing him and his escort to stop. Juan recognized the guard to Goda's left, thankfully. He spoke quietly, "Officer Sanmenroppi, you look tired. You alright?"

"Haven't had a chance to rest since my shift last night," she said. The bags under her eyes were plain for anyone to see.

"Hey, go get some sleep. I'll stay with him," Juan nodded his head to Goda, who was just getting situated and pretending not to hear them. Officer Sanmenroppi paused, looking at Juan for a moment. Then she nodded, walking toward the staircase while Juan stayed put. And they were alone.

"Officer Cazado, could you accompany me to my study?" Goda asked. He didn't look at the security cameras in two of the corners of the room, but they both knew to be careful.

"Yes, sir," Juan nodded, "Do you need any assistance with the stairs?"

"No, I might just take a while," Goda said slightly sheepishly. He wanted to just jump into Juan's arms and hug him and forget the world. That would have to wait a little longer.

"I'm happy to give you a hand at any point, should you need it."

There were an absurd amount of stairs in the castle. It was exhausting for Goda, whether his leg was broken or not. Nonetheless, he didn't want the cameras to see him and Juan even touching. Anxiety made him suffer, but that was never new.

The two made their way to Goda's study, which was right beside Gabe's. Luckily, Goda was fairly certain that Gabe was in one of the two locked rooms that only the king had a key for. There was one in the basement and one on the first floor. Even Goda hadn't seen those rooms.

Juan held the door open for the other, walking in after him. As soon as the door closed and Juan double-checked to see if there were any security cameras, which there weren't, he was at Goda's side.

"Are you OK?" Juan said, "Is your leg hurt? And your side- you're getting medicine and help, right? God, I should've done more-"

"Juan, c-calm down," Goda said, leaning his crutches against a table and putting his hands on Juan's shoulders instead, "If you had st-tepped in, he would've... I don't even want to imagine."

Juan sighed. He couldn't get the guilt out of his head. Why couldn't he seem to keep Goda safe? He looked over the other before pulling him into a hug.

Goda put his arms around his neck, resting his head on Juan's shoulder. They stood in that embrace in complete silence for a while.

"I missed you," Goda whispered, closing his eyes and relaxing against the other.

"I missed you too. And I was at your bedside for days," Juan said, a slightly joking tone in his voice. Goda gave a weak laugh before burying his face in Juan's shoulder. He didn't want to cry, but it felt like he might end up doing just that. Juan pulled back slightly to kiss the other, a feeling he missed too much.

After a minute or two of kissing each other, they finally broke apart. However, their apart was still pressed close to one another. Juan smiled down at Goda, eyes sad, but still a little hopeful. "I love you, Goda," he said, cupping a hand around the other's cheek. Goda smiled back up at him.

"Oh! I d-didn't have a chance to t-tell you, did I? The wedding's b-being pushed back another month," Goda said, eyes filling with excitement.

Juan's smile grew wider, expression bright and ecstatic, "Really? That's amazing!"

"Gabe doesn't want me t-to have a broken leg, obviously- and my dad's trial is a lit-ttle more than a week away-"

"About him," Juan interjected, and Goda paused, "Why didn't you tell me he was hurting you?"

Goda looked down, excitement draining away for pain to take its place. He tried to think of the right words, but they wouldn't seem to come. Instead, he settled for the not-right words. "I... I didn't want you t-to get hurt. I was scared. I-"

"He's doing what?! Only I get to fucking hurt you! What about that do you not understand?!"

"I didn't want anything b-bad to happen," Goda finished, trying to force away that terrible memory. He lifted his head to meet Juan's eyes again. Juan looked worried, but he also had something other emotion Goda didn't have a name for on his face.

Juan lightly brushed his thumb over the other's cheek, looking over his face, "Goda, finding you there, I- I just saw you looking so scared behind him and I thought- and when he locked you in there- when I saw you, I didn't know if- I thought-"

Goda rested a hand against his chest, waiting for him to calm down enough to finish. Juan took a breath, clearly worked up over all this. His next words were quiet and scared.

"I thought he'd killed you."

Goda's eyes widened. Tears welled up in his eyes, and he threw his arms back around Juan. The other had misty eyes too, but he couldn't let himself break.

"I'm s-sorry," Goda mumbled, his words muffled by Juan's uniform.

"Don't apologize. It wasn't your fault he hurt you," Juan ran a gentle hand through his red hair, closing his eyes. Why couldn't he save Goda? Why was he so useless? He was being thrown around in a changing tide, unable to get his bearings and rise to the surface. 

Goda pulled back, wiping at his eyes. He gave a weak smile, "I love you too."

Juan put on a smile too, fighting away the tears. Goda turned his head to look at the clock, "We should p-probably leave before Gabe or someone gets susp-picious." Juan nodded, grabbing his crutches for him and handing them over.

Goda wiped at his eyes again before limping towards the door. Juan held it open for him, forcing himself back into the professional role of Goda's guard. Guard, and nothing more. No matter how much he wanted to steal the small man away. Just a guard.

The two started down the stairs, and Juan couldn't carry him.