Regiphobia

The Shadow

Two more days had slipped away. Juan had fallen into a downward spiral of worry. He was pacing back and forth as time ticked onwards. He was an absolute mess. He'd requested time off of work, and he'd been given it, simply because his work would have suffered anyway. He paced back and forth, his footsteps and the clock the loudest noises in his ears.

Eventually, José walked in. "Juan? Are you still stressing over Goda?" he asked, starting to get worried for his brother's wellbeing but completely unwilling to show it.

"Of course I am! He went missing!" he said.

"Just let it go. No one else seems concerned, it's probably just something they didn't tell the guards," his brother responded, seemingly annoyed.

"...I'm gonna go for a walk," Juan sighed, walking out of the room without another word. In fact, he didn't plan to 'go for a walk' at all. There was only one thing left he could think of doing, and it would get him in a lot of trouble if he was found out.

He made his way up to the king's study but remained outside. He made sure he was out of sight enough to not be noticed when the king eventually came out. He didn't care how long he had to wait.

It took several hours. When Gabe came out, Juan got a glance into his study. Nothing. So he started trailing after the king, staying behind corners, moving into doorways when he had to, and keeping his footsteps light.

He followed him as he walked down to the first floor, then to the... kitchen? Juan furrowed his brow as he looked through the doorway, watching as Gabe prepared a tray of food with a glass of water. Why would the king be...? Oh shit, he was coming to the door.

Juan hid behind the door as Gabe pushed it open more. He watched the king pull out a small device, put in a code, and the security camera in one corner of the room went dead, lowering to the ground. Juan's eyes widened, his mouth opening slightly before he shook the surprise away and followed Gabe.

Every security camera in the hall was dead as well. Gabe was rounding the corner, and Juan had to speed up to keep up with the other. He had no idea that was even possible! He watched Gabe move into the armory and ducked after him. Perfect, tons of hiding places here! He followed him down to the basement and watched him push the tray into the locked room from the shadows.

When Gabe walked away, Juan watched the door. He made sure the cameras were still dead, then tried the door. Locked. He furrowed his brow, pressing his ear against it. Silence.

Silence, because the boy on the other side was trying to drink his water as quickly as he could, unsure of how long it had been since he'd had any. Goda then grabbed the food, unable to see what it was, but not caring. He stuffed it in his mouth. He didn't care, he just didn't want to starve. Normally he'd be fine with starvation, but that was self-inflicted. When he'd only been fed twice in six days... He wanted it to end.

He finished his meal, curling up again. He shivered. Had it gotten colder since he got in there? He bit his own lip, knowing it would be stupid to cry. He'd end up with a headache, his eyes hurting, and dehydrated, just like before. The lack of food wasn't helping him warm up.

He wanted it to end. He wanted it all to be over. Couldn't he just beg Gabe for forgiveness now? Couldn't he just give in, let him do what he wanted, never speak to Juan again and pretend he'd never been hopelessly in love with him? He'd get married, get cut when Gabe got mad, and let go. He'd let Gabe control him, rule his life, anything to stop this from happening again. Anything to get let out of here. He clung to the door, shivering as he curled into a ball.

"Why...." he groaned, "Why, why, why... I'm sorry, Gabe, please let me out... Please... I'll be good, Your Majesty, p-please, just let me out..."

He curled himself tighter, closing his eyes. He wanted to die. He wanted to die. He wanted to die.

But Gabe would kill him if he did.

Juan heard nothing, though, and pulled his head away from the door. "What's... that guy doing?" he mumbled, before jogging up the stairs to follow him. He assumed the king was going mad, even if he knew he wasn't allowed to say so. He knew he'd spent too long at the door, and now he had to track down the king again.

He hurried upstairs, running into the halls. When the security cameras came back online, he just walked quickly.

"Where's that..." he frowned, looking around. He started searching the halls. No, he couldn't have lost him, no! He hurried to the second floor, then the third, then the fourth and he was starting to get angry- He sighed, making his way back to the first floor. He walked back to his room, defeated, and flopped on the bed. He was giving up. He didn't know where Goda was, no matter how much he cared, and he wanted to find him, but he couldn't anymore. He couldn't keep searching, this was driving him insane. He just... had to hope he was coming back soon. He just had to hope he was somewhere.

He stared at the ceiling, exhausted and drained. How much longer would he have to wait? He didn't know. He closed his eyes, completely unable to sleep.

Gabe, meanwhile, had made his way back to his study. He stared at the screen, watching Goda shiver and beg to be let out. He smirked, knowing he could let him out at any time, and also knowing that watching him was way too fun to pass up until next time he got pissed off enough. He sighed, "Oh, darling, you'll look so gorgeous when I pull you out. This is so much fun to watch, you have no idea. You're so beautiful... I'm so glad I chose you, my dear."

He brushed his hand over the screen, grinning as he stared at Goda. "Perhaps people think I'm obsessed. Maybe mad? My love, if this is madness, I'll never be sane again. But how can they call me mad when they haven't seen what I have? If they call me mad, perhaps they're the mad ones. Perhaps they're all the mad ones. They'll call me the mad king one day, just you wait and see, and yet I look at you and feel so perfectly sane. So how can they call me lost when they haven't seen? How, I ask, how?"

Gabe laughed lightly, leaning back in his chair, "A mad man rules a kingdom, and a mad man rules his Queen. How perfect a rhyme, how beautiful a poem. A poem? Maybe a song would be a better metaphor? Oh, how could I make a metaphor from such a beautiful story and sight? No words could capture the beauty of it. But, my love, my life, the star in my sky and the beauty in my world, how else could I express how much I adore the sight of you in pain, the sight of you screaming, the sight of you bleeding? Because that's something no words could express."

He sighed, shaking his head and standing up. "Perhaps tomorrow, my love. But not tonight."

Across the palace, José was sitting alone in a broom closet. He stared at the letter from the Queen, forcing the smile off his face. He wasn't happy that she'd be coming there in three days for the wedding. He didn't care that she was showing up, he told himself, because he didn't love her, because if he let himself love her, she would die like his family, like his friends, like his town, like his brother almost had so many times. He didn't smile, because he didn't care, because why would he.

He didn't care, and he wasn't smiling, and he wasn't in love with her, but he couldn't wait to see her. As a friend. Not even a friend, his status was too low for that. As... an acquaintance. He left the room, walking down the hall with a blank look on his face.

Across the ocean, Arial was crying against her desk. Not for any particular reason. Things were too silent, and she missed her brother and mother, and her job had been hell with no help from the rest of her family, and she was too alone and exhausted to care about her stupid makeup or someone walking in and seeing her. She just cried against the table and counted the seconds. Each one was one close to when she could see José again and ask him and his brother if they'd come with her. She sobbed silently into her own arms, counting down to nothing.

After five minutes, she lifted her head, stopping her tears. She walked into her bathroom, took a deep breath, and washed the running makeup off her face. She looked into the mirror. She still looked rather pretty, but her eyes focused on the light freckles on her cheeks that she'd never liked. She sighed and started putting her makeup back on.

Juan kept his eyes on the ceiling and his heart on Goda. He was sinking, and he couldn't swim any longer.