Regiphobia

The Silence

Goda woke up alone again. He didn't get up, or move, or speak. He just stared at the wall for what felt like hours before someone finally knocked. He said nothing. The door opened and in walked Gabe. "Good morning, love," he said softly, sitting on the edge of the bed and looking down at him. Goda said nothing.

Gabe furrowed his brow, "What is it?"

Goda just shook his head, pulling the blankets up over himself more and closing his eyes. Gabe sighed, "Are you doing that silent thing again?"

Goda squeezed his eyes closed, unable to bring himself to respond. He was scared to open them again, because he didn't want to see how angry Gabe must be with him. He knew he was, he didn't even have to hear the frustrated breaths of his fiancé. He did hear the command, though.

"Open your eyes. Now."

He did as he was told. If he was making Gabe mad anyway, might as well try to lessen the pain that would inevitably follow.

"Look at me."

Again, Goda obeyed, looking up at the other. Gabe's hand ended up on his chin, lightly but firmly holding his head in place. "Don't act like you don't hear me. Respond when I ask you a question. Understand?"

Goda gave a weak nod, but the grip on his chin tightened to a borderline painful state.

"I said, do you understand?" Gabe's voice was deathly quiet, a poison laced in it that Goda was all too familiar with. He bit the inside of his cheek to try and stop tears from welling up in his eyes. He opened his mouth to speak, but couldn't force words out. Another hard bite to his cheek. He tasted blood.

"Yes..." he choked out, voice shaky and weak.

"Good boy," Gabe dropped his hand, and Goda turned his head down. Gabe told him a few things he couldn't hear through his terrified, muddled thoughts. Probably about the event of the next day, or the wedding, or something or other he couldn't deal with just then. Gabe said something else, kissed Goda on the cheek, then got up and left.

Goda hesitantly sat up in bed, but he didn't have the motivation to stand up. He glanced to the nearby window. It was a clear day. No clouds, just sun. It would be a beautiful picture to paint. If he could find the motivation to leave, of course, but it was lovely to watch.

He looked over to the mirror nearby. The bags under his eyes were deep, his skin pale. He looked rather sickly. God, he wanted this to be over. He rested his head in his hands, groaning lightly when he heard another knock on the door.

He didn't respond, but the door creaked open just a touch before being pushed open. Juan stepped in, closing the door and taking a seat beside the other. He had a tray of food in his hand. "Are you feeling any better?" he asked softly, setting the food on the nightstand.

Goda shook his head, immediately moving so he could lean against Juan. The taller took his hand, worry in his gaze. Goda, of course, didn't speak.

"What's wrong? Did something else happen?" Juan asked. Goda's lack of a response only worried him more, "Goda?"

Goda closed his eyes, moving under the other's arm. Juan sighed. What was wrong? How could he help if Goda wouldn't speak to him? Had he said or done something? No, Goda wasn't mad at him, obviously. Otherwise, he wouldn't have rested against him and seemed so affectionate, right?

Juan just gave up, hugging Goda just a bit closer. Relaxation overtook Goda as he took in a few deep breaths. He was just leaning against Juan's side, finally able to start calming down. Juan had to think for a moment. It felt like just being near him was making Goda a bit calmer. It couldn't be, right? That'd be really weird. Right?

They stayed together for what felt like forever. Juan ran his hand over Goda's hair, or arm, or anything that it seemed the other was comfortable with. He occasionally mumbled reassurances whenever it seemed the other was feeling anxious or antsy.

Eventually, Juan heard a soft mumble. "I'm sorry," Goda almost whispered. If he didn't have his exceptional hearing, he wouldn't have caught it.

"What for?" Juan asked softly, genuine confusion in his tone.

"I sh-shouldn't be quiet, I'm not sup-pposed to be," Goda buried himself in Juan's side. The other furrowed his brows.

"Who told you that?" Juan asked, running his hand up and down the other's arm.

Goda shook his head, and Juan sighed, but dropped it. At least Goda was communicating what he didn't want to talk about, right? Something felt off about it all to Juan. There had to be someone who told him all the stuff he believed about himself. It had to be his dad, or something alone those lines.

God, Juan's head was so full of this suspicion and confusion it almost hurt.

"Do you think you can eat?" Juan asked, pushing his own thoughts away. Goda paused for a moment, thinking, before sitting up and nodding. A smile fell onto Juan's lips as he handed the other a tray of food. He'd grabbed a full meal for the other. It gave him a good excuse to come in there in the first place, after all. There were rather strict rules set in place by the king about who could enter Goda's room.

For his safety, of course.

Luckily, those rules allowed people delivering meals to come in, as well as guards if the soon-to-be Prince Consort requested it. The king was obviously allowed in, but that was about it. Juan found it a bit weird that friends weren't allowed in, as he had seen Goda and Arial talking a lot when the Queen was there. He brushed that thought aside. It was probably just a misunderstanding, something the lower guards didn't need to know.

As Goda ate, Juan just looked around the room a bit more. He was usually too busy kissing the other to pay attention to that. Weirdly, despite the creativity of the man living in it, it felt... bland compared to other rooms. Off-white walls, a fancy bed, of course, dressers, a walk in closet, a vanity with lights. The walls were empty. No paintings, pictures, or anything. Not a single decoration that you'd expect from Goda.

He soon finished the small meal. He handed the tray to Juan, who set it on the nightstand again. They went back to cuddling. Juan shifted so he could rest a hand on the other's cheek and kiss him, something he'd wanted to do since he saw him. The contact and affection seemed to make the other happier every other time, and it was doing the same now.

Juan pulled away, smiling softly and saying, "I love you."

"I love you t-too," Goda smiled a bit back, moving to kiss his cheek. Juan put both his arms around him, pulling him to be laying down. Goda startled a bit at the movement, but he wasn't complaining about laying on top of his... was boyfriend right? Or would it be lover, because of Gabe? Whatever it was, he was happy with it.

"I'll keep you safe as much as I possibly can, from now on," Juan assured, pulling Goda just a little closer.

Goda smiled wider, "I kn-know."

But that was another lie, and he knew it well. Thank god Juan trusted him.