Regiphobia

The Brother

A week flew by like it was nothing.

Goda and Juan met up as much as possible. They tried to see each other in private at least once a day, though once or twice they weren't able to. Gabe seemed none the wiser to their arrangement, even as the wedding grew ever closer. Goda was getting busier by the day. More plans to make, more guests to set up for, more food and drink and decorations.

At that moment, Goda was walking to the center of the hedge maze. He hadn't seen Juan in a day or two, and he already missed him like crazy. When he stepped into the small center area, he sighed in relief. The fountain there was running, masking any small sounds. Juan was sitting on the bench on the other side of it. Goda walked around, and he stood.

"I missed you," Juan said, moving his arms around Goda's waist and pulling him close. He rested his head on Juan's chest, closing his eyes.

"I missed you t-too," he mumbled, relaxing in the gentle hold of the other. They stood there, silent, just happy to be near one another. A minute or two passed before Goda pulled back.

"Juan... the wedding is only th-three weeks away..." he got out, looking up at him with misty eyes.

"Will... Will we be able to keep doing this?" Juan asked, worry in his gaze and pain in his heart. Goda looked down, moving back against his chest.

"I hope so," Goda mumbled, "I love you."

Juan smiled sadly, arms tight around the other. Why did things have to be so hard? If only they'd met under different circumstances. If only things were different. If only they could be happy.

"Juan, later tonight, Gabe's going to be busy with a dinner meeting. I'll be in my room. Do you think you can get there?" Goda asked, voice soft.

"Yeah, I think so. I'll try," Juan said, still not used to hearing the king being referred to so casually. He moved his hand to Goda's chin and tilted his head up. The tears remained in his eyes. The guard leaned down, kissing him. Even if he was engaged, soon to be Prince Consort, he was Juan's prince. No matter how much he wanted to sweep the other away like a knight in shining armor, he couldn't.

When they pulled apart, Goda backed up a step. "I have to go. I'll see you tonight?"

"I'll be there."

Goda turned and made his way back out of the maze, meeting a guard at the entrance. He smiled, and the guard moved behind him, following him dutifully. He couldn't wait for that night to roll around. Meanwhile, Juan waited in the hedge maze, thinking. He may not be the smartest, but he knew a few things. People like Goda who were happy in their relationships didn't cheat. So the king must not make him happy. As he learned more and more of Goda's mannerisms, it seemed to make less and less sense.

Goda was obviously starved of affection, which didn't make sense at all. He'd been with the king for years, how could that be possible? He apparently had wounds that Gabriel knew about, but that neither of them wanted other people knowing about. He had a lot of internal issues and a horrible past. The only parts he knew about were the fact that his grandparents had died and that his mother had died in childbirth. No siblings, no aunts or uncles, no cousins, no grandparents, nothing. Just him and his dad.

A few more minutes passed and Juan stood up to leave. He got lost several times on his way out. When he finally made his way to the exit, he saw his brother there, waiting.

"So. You're hooking up with the King's fiancé," José said. Juan blinked a few times, his mouth falling agape.

"We're not hooking up! We're just meeting up in private!" Juan stressed, his voice hushed.

"So you're hooking up. Come on, we can't talk about this here," José muttered, turning and starting towards the lake. Juan jogged after him. When they got to the docks, they took a seat. Far away from the edge, seeing as neither could swim. José looked out over the lake.

"Alright, so maybe I'm hooking up with the King's fiancé. But we're not doing anything like that, keep your mind out of the gutter!" Juan said, "He actually wants to meet again in his room later tonight."

"Why?" José asked.

"Why he wants to meet up or why we're doing this in the first place?" Juan asked in response, "We meet up because we love each other!"

"But he's cheating on the man he's engaged to. You're his side-guy. Doesn't that mean anything to you?" José asked, turning to him and raising an eyebrow.

"I mean, I don't see a huge problem with it. If you love two people, you love two people!" Juan shrugged. He didn't voice his concerns about how genuine Goda and Gabriel's love really was.

"You're going to get yourself hurt, Juan. You have to stop." His voice was rather forceful.

"Come on, hermangran! You don't even know him! He's really sweet and kind and considerate- plus, I really love him!" Juan said, enthusiasm pouring into his voice.

"Fine," José scowled and scoffed, looking back towards the lake. What was his brother getting himself into this time? "If you get yourself hurt, hermanito, I'm not saving your sorry ass."

"You won't need to! I can take care of myself," Juan said. He looked around a bit, "I gotta get back to my post. See ya, hermangran!" He turned around and took off down the gravel path. José watched him go, sighing and shaking his head.

Juan made it to the castle rather quickly. He slipped inside, going through the great hall, up to the second floor. The floor with all the rooms of Gabriel and his siblings, and of course Goda. He ignored that thought and walked up another flight of stairs, straight to the third floor. This was where he was guarding until he could slip away to meet with Goda again. Why was that boy always on his mind?

Hours passed, and soon Juan saw people walking to dinner. Now was his chance. He went down to the second floor, making sure no one saw him slip into Goda's room. He looked around, not seeing anyone. Then he heard soft sobs coming from the bathroom. His eyes widened as he started towards the noise.

Goda was in a loose-fitting white t-shirt, tears dripping to the floor as he stared at himself in the mirror. His sleeves were rolled up. When he saw Juan in the reflection, he whipped around. His eyes were puffy from crying, and he held his arms against his chest. Juan could still see them.

All he could do was stare. A half doze thick parallel lines covered each of Goda's arms, elbow to wrist. His shoulders were trembling as Juan moved closer to him, gently taking his wrists in his hands and pulling them away from his chest.

"You... did you..." Juan ran his eyes over the scars before looking up at Goda. He squeezed his eyes closed, turning away. After a moment of tense silence... Goda was shocked as Juan pulled him against his chest.

"I... don't know why you did it, but I promise I'm here for you. If you ever need me, I'm a letter away, got it? I don't want you to hurt, inside or out."

"O-OK," Goda mumbled, leaning against Juan as the tears came faster, "It's... It's b-been a long time." Juan tightened his hug around the other. They stood like that, so close and so broken. Everything was silent, only the soft sound of Goda's sniffles and tears breaking it.

"Why did you want me to meet with you?" Juan soothed. Goda felt fragile in his arms, like a boy made of glass.

"I j-just... being around you f-feels really nice..." Goda mumbled. Juan nodded, running a gentle hand through his red hair. It wasn't a shade of red you'd expect. It was like a strawberry, almost. His small, beautiful strawberry prince.

The silence rested over them for a while longer. It wasn't exactly uncomfortable, but Juan's mind wandered too much in silence. He pulled back slightly, cupping his hand around Goda's cheek. The other's eyes made it obvious how miserable he'd been not minutes ago. He looked up, meeting Juan's emerald eyes with a tired gaze.

"I love you, Goda. Even if no one else can know. Even if we'll eventually get caught. I love you so much, and I'll be here for you as much as I can," Juan said. Goda wiped at his eyes, looking down.

"Th-That's... That's the nicest th-thing anyone's ever said to me," the redhead mumbled, burying himself back in Juan's chest.

"Trust me, I have a lot more where that came from."