Baby Boy Blues ☁️R A N D Y☁️

S I X T Y-T H R E E

mentions of- suicide attempts, rape, self harm, depression, anxiety and an eating disorder, as this is gonna be used for rye's character and him opening up to andy. this is really detailed so dont read if youre easily triggered

note- the self harm, anxiety and depression will be from what i experienced and what happened with me. i know everyone is different when it comes to this but this is from personal experience, i probably wont be able to represent it well but i'll try my best.

{rye beaumont}
"just take your time baby, i'm not forcing it and i just want you to be comfortable," andy said softly as he kissed my cheek softly and placed his hand on my exposed thigh. (rye's outfit is above)

i took a deep breath before trying to think of  where to start and where i knew this conversation would take me.

"if i stop...i want you to know it's because i can't handle it. every emotion is still raw and it's so vivd and stays there for a long time. it's been so vivid for awhile, it's like i can't escape it," i whispered as i messed with andy's fingers.

"do what feels comfortable to you, you can tell me what you want rye, i'm not here to judge you," andy said softly as he kissed my knuckles softly.

i cuddled closer to andy as i pulled the blanket over us and thats when i started to tell him everything.

italics will mark what rye is telling andy but it will be represented in a flashback way if that makes sense? so when i do a flashback it will be in bold italics like this.

  for the most part i was a happy child in primary and secondary school. you could always catch me out in the sun or playing football with robbie or my friends or doing stupid stunts and tricks that often got me hurt but i didn't really care because it's what i enjoyed doing but i always knew i was a bit different, even from a young age there was just something inside of me that said i was going to end up standing out in the crowd and for once, it was right.

during the last years of secondary school and into high school is when things started ti change for me. yes i was fit, yes i loved (and still do) love to free run in my down time but as i started to hang out with guys more i found them attractive in more ways then one. in high school, all the older football players were fit and they knew they were so they flexed it around but when i got up into the higher years, thats when people started to find me attractive but i couldn't find then attractive for some reason, especially the girls. the "hot popular" ones of the school always threw parties and i always went but somewhere in the back of the room you could always find me making out with a guy and thats how i found out that i was gay.

when i came out, it wasn't a surprise to anyone really. i was about 15? maybe 16 at most but what really changed is when i met someone who was like me but different? he was fem and introduced me to just dressing the way you wanted.

i always vented to him how i felt not like myself in the masculine clothes and the clothes that always itched my skin none the less and were baggy and didn't hug my body like it wanted them too.

so when he told me about being fem i first tried it out for shits and giggles thinking that being fem and dressing up would make me look stupid but it made me feel like me. from then on thats where fem me was born but to be honest that was always me, i've always loved it. even before the guy introduced me to it.

when i started to where fem stuff and when i came out, i got a lot of hate for it and most people turned their back on me except mikey, he was always there for me and he always just KNEW when something was wrong.