Spectrum | ✓

66. Vulnerability

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Some nights I wonder whether my heart beats faster or forgets to beat at all when darkness seeps around the corner and I can't see you.

I can't see you and I can't feel you, my mind searching desperately for your essence that's now a distant memory quickly fading into the night.

Quickly fading into the night just like my despair to be taken out of this nightmare, this never ending abyss that doesn't have you in it.

That doesn't have you in it frightens me to my wits end as I struggle to breathe, my mind trying to create comforts that are futile, so futile...

So futile are fancies when I stand stark naked, stripped to the very last of all the emotions I'm made of, every last particle of stardust from which I was born.

From which I was born as the same mould as you, meant to co-exist in this universe and the next, two beings meant to entwine for now and forever.

For now and forever scares me though, scares me to schmittens when I can't see you shine through me, scares me when I'm so vulnerable in front of you.

In front of you yet so apart, like a star twinkling in some distant part, we perhaps fall upon this humdrum like the tresses of some long-forgotten conundrum.

A long forgotten conundrum where once sparks flew and life bloomed, the universe happened and nature groomed, all fallen to nothing at the end.

The end that was once our beginning, the beginning that was once our end, the darkness that was once born out of light, the light that finally extinguished into the night.

The night where my heart beats fast... or maybe sometimes forgets to beat at all when I can't see you, when fear chokes me up because I can't feel you.

Can't feel you beneath my skin, beneath my depth of my breath, beneath the berth of my very own existence.

An existence that's worthless without you.

You, the very beat of my heart.

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