A little hope in the darkest times

How monsters are born

Nagini

The tears didn't stop flowing. She hated it, she hated this, she hated that it was only a matter of time until there would be a war and that she had to sit and watch her world burn. She would lose Credence, she knew she would. But she could not lose him, she could not bear the thought of seeing him, now still happy, knowing that this, this what she had, would leave her.

It drove her crazy and sometimes, she wondered if ripping her heart out would hurt less. Everything was spinning, every thought was either a knife in her heart or in his.

Stop caring about him, he's not.... You'll transform, this will all be gone... He's only a human, a human with a hella lot of issues. Leave him, go away, save yourself while you still can...

That was what the snake inside was telling her, but her heart... She couldn't breathe without worrying about him, without wondering how long he would still be happy, how long it would take until he realized that this castle was nothing more than a prison, designed to protect him.

No, she would not let him go, she would not let him die, she was caring too much, she had always been caring about him. But she knew that leaving him would ruin her, more than she was ruined already. And it would break him.

Maybe it was not the knowledge that this would hurt her, maybe it was not the certainty that you don't meet the love of your life twice. It was not about the consequences for herself, not about the pain she would have to feel if she left him. It was that she loved him more than she had ever loved anyone else. More than she loved herself. She needed to save him, or at least stay with him until his end. The future could be changed, because it was still the future, at least that was what she was hoping.

Nagini was not even sure when the last time had been, when she had told him how much he meant to her. She had kissed him, she had danced with him, but had she told him?

She was ripped out of her thoughts by a knock on the door.

"I need to talk to you, Nagini.", a male voice said. The voice seemed familiar, but she couldn't quite connect it to the right person.

It was neither Credence nor Theseus.

"Come in, then.", she said.

It was Yusuf Kama and he seemed worried. She hadn't seen him in the last few weeks, but then again, they were all still in shock from all the things that happened. She hadn't left her room much either.

"What do you want to talk about?", Nagini asked and observed him suspiciously.

"You just... You didn't show up to breakfast in the last weeks, Credence always took food to your room and... I don't think you ate it though. That's none of my business, I know... Just... I know when people are dying inside, and..."

"Why are you trying to help me?"

"My father died, it killed him. I don't wanna see that ever again."

"You don't seem like the hero type of guy to me. You tried to kill Credence and now you're trying to save me? Ugh, humans are too weird for me."

Yusuf laughed.

"I think that too sometimes. I just..."

"Don't try to redeem yourself, you don't have to do that. I know humans aren't all good or bad."

"But... Something is killing you, you should tell someone about it, and you can talk to me."

"I choose this though, Yusuf. I'd rather die than see him breaking apart."

"You think you're gonna see him die, right?"

"Yes."

"If he's destined to die anyway, why do you let this kill you then?"

"You don't get it, do you?", Nagini asked and looked him in the eyes directly. She took a deep breath and felt the weight on her heart, everything that was slowing her down. But she knew that this was right.

"I could never forgive myself if..... Just imagine, if he was broken, if he lost his will to live, if he got chaotic again like he used to be, when he dies after I left him... To know that I was the one who broke him, that I destroyed who I loved the most. Did you ever wonder how monsters are born?"

"No, actually, I never did.", Yusuf said and soon realized that saying this had been a big mistake.

Nagini faked a smile, tears were still in her eyes and she hoped that Yusuf could see how close to breaking down she was. Nagini had the urge to destroy everything around her and to only ever stop when the fear in her bones disappeared.

"Well, I did. Because all my life, people told me I was nothing more than a snake, a monster, a demon. But I realized that you only ever become that, a monster, when you lose everything, even your love. If I would leave him, Credence, who I love more than anything else in the world, I would be a monster. And while I'll die as a snake, a monster, I want to be a fighter til the end of my human life. Thanks for your help, you don't need to worry about me, I'll be fine. Thanks for saving my life, back then, though. You're a great friend, I would say. That's what friends do, right? They protect each other."

For a second, Yusuf's face froze, but after he blinked, he smiled again.

Nagini woke up that night, next to Credence and she smiled at him, even though she was shaking a little, even though this was hard and even though fear was blocking every other feeling. She had to be strong, for him, because he mattered to her.

"Nagini? Is something wrong?", he asked and she shook her head.

He looked so adorable while he was sleepy, and it hurt her a little, to know that one day she would not be with him anymore, or he would not be with her anymore. But that was the future and the future was still changable. She would fight for him and with him.

"Not at all. Just wanted to tell you that I love you."

"I love you too", he whispered, still a little asleep. But he was smiling as she kissed his forehead and... Maybe this was enough, these little moments. Maybe love really was worth it all.