Calling All Boys (Queen)

Stone Cold Truth.

Roger's P.O.V.

I continued to scowl at Brian until him and Jim opened the door, and left for good, to go and catch that plane...to go back over to New York...to go and see Freddie.

As soon as the door shut I rushed off in a strop, pushing past John who was still stood silently in the doorway.

But he broke out of his trance as I sped away, catching my arm and dragging me back to him, "Roger..."

I yanked my arm away and refused to look at him, why should I? He wasn't on my side, he was on Freddie's...on Brian's...why should I listen to him.

"Get off me, John." I snapped, aggressively.

"Come here!" He fought me and he caught my arm again, this time yanking me towards him and before I knew it he was giving me a hug, "Calm down..." he whispered as he rubbed my back.

It felt weird, but he was right, I needed to calm down before I gave myself a heart attack. But part of me was too angry to accept any kind of affection right now.

On the other hand...I guess it was nice to know that even though John might not necessarily agree with me or my reactions, he still cared about my wellbeing and if I'm being honest, lately...I haven't been doing that great.

I have been in constant mental battles with myself for so long now, about my life...about Freddie...about Brian...about John...everything and anything.

Nothing I seemed to think about lately was positive or I made situations out to be life or death when they were hardly a problem at all.

I knew this. But I didn't know how to stop.

Didn't know why it was happening.

I panicked about everything, took everything to heart, thought everyone and everything was out to get me and that I was a victim all of the time.

I know the others think this too, that I'm being selfish with making all of these problems be about me, when they weren't to do with me at all, I was aware, I just didn't know why my mind was doing this to me.

I knew I was hardly a victim at all, I mean, fuck, I wasn't the one who just had to watch my ex boyfriend get married to a toxic woman when I was still in love with him, I wasn't the one that didn't even want to come home because I hated it that much...I wasn't the one in a fucking coma.

Yet I was still somehow playing the victim.

Why?

Because Freddie was now single and available and I might be head over heels for him but he still doesn't want me?

That he still loves Brian?

That he's now seeing Matthew without giving me a chance? A glance? A thought?

That I'm not where Freddie is because I might well be part of the reason why he didn't want to come home? And I don't blame him...

That Brian just admitted he's also still in love with Freddie, so he gets to go with Jim to see him in hospital, when all I wanted was to go and see him myself so I knew he was alright...because I also cared about him a fuck tonne? I was scared.

I mean, they were all very strong contenders.

All of those pointers were part of this cruel mind game.

John pulled away and I suddenly felt exhausted, all of the emotions catching up to me all at once.

His hug was warm and welcoming...very calming...my heart rate had slowed a little now.