Scribbles

No.46

Everything that Lydia could see happening in front of her, was everything she wanted to be a part of. It was like she was looking through a window and peering into a square room inside of an alternate world, and a life she always wished should could be part of. Yet, Lydia couldn't quite figure out how to open the window to creep inside unnoticed, and there appeared to be no other way into this room. She had a gut wrenching feeling that it was going to be incredibly difficult and was unsure of whether or not she was up to the task of breaking and entering. The girl inside the room looked so immensely happy, and Lydia couldn't stop herself from wondering just how long was it going to take for her to get to the same state of happiness the girl appeared to be in. Lydia knew herself, she was broken, she knew that, she was so self-aware and although she tried not to be defined by it, she knew that her past shaped her and it was something she hated very much and something she thought would never change. It would be like an obstacle course, trying to overcome every loss, every argument, every heartbreak and every dark moment, to get to where that girl the other side the window was, and, Lydia didn't know if she had that kind of fight left in her. The girl inside the room was talking to a boy, he was sitting across from her and they were enjoying lunch as well as each other's company. His blue eyes were the most noticeable thing in the room and Lydia found herself getting lost in them. He was unlike any boy she had ever seen before and even without talking to him she could just sense how different he was. He was sincere and intelligent. His right hand was palm down on the table but his fingers were moving ever so slightly, as is he was playing the piano. The girl hadn't noticed that, but Lydia did and she was mesmerised by it. Lydia could only partially see the girl due to the angle at which the table they were sharing was placed, but she could tell when the girl smiled and every time the she did, the boy seemed to take a deep breathe, almost as if he was drawing in the very essence of who she was. Again, something the girl hadn't noticed but Lydia had. He was so taken by this girl; it was so obvious to Lydia but not to her that he was enthralled by her. It was written so clearly all over his face, his blue eyes shining, that he wanted to know every inch of this girl, in every single way imaginable. The girl however was oblivious to all of this and Lydia began to realised that although the girl was smiling, a smile never reached her eyes. She wasn't truly smiling. That was when Lydia started banging on the window, trying desperately to get the girls attention, to tell her just how into her this blue-eyed boy was, and no matter what she was trying to overcome, he was clearly worth it. And that's when things changed. The world shifted and she as no longer on the outside looking in, she was now on the inside looking out. Looking out of the window now Lydia found herself no longer looking at two people enjoying lunch, she saw only the boy, standing in front of her and he could see her. He could see everything she hated about herself, he could see every demon she had fought, he could see her past like a whirlwind surrounding her and still he stood there, his blue eyes fixed on her smiling and she realised, the girl at the table, it was her. It was never about her getting into the room they were in. looking at him Lydia slowly smiled and as she did, as her smile slowly got bigger and brighter and reached her eyes, a door to the right of the window gradually appeared. It was about her breaking into the room. It was about her, walking to that door, opening it, and letting him in.