blood, sweat and TEARS

Twenty

JK (POV)

I lay awake, in the bed that was supposed to be Tae's listening to the sounds that Hope makes when he sleeps. He didn't ask any questions about why I was now sleeping in this room instead of the one that Jimin was in.

My eyes stung at the memory of him, he was hurt, but I'd rather him hate me for this. The pain in his eyes had almost made me stay, had almost made me grab him and never let him go. But staying would mean that I would have to tell him what really happened. He would have blamed himself, I couldn't do that, better to keep my distance I keep telling myself.

I hadn't gone to dinner with the boys, didn't want Jimin to feel uncomfortable at meal time.

......

He wont even look at me, he is king of a thousand smiles and he wont give me a single one, it's fair I think its right. I cant help but be mesmerized by his dancing, he is putting so much in today. I feel a little sad that he is doing so well without me.

"Lunch break, everyone." Joon announces, "I thought we could go eat at the hospital." I'm so relieved, I wanted to go back right after the meeting yesterday, but Joon had made me go to the hotel, and to practice today. We all walk towards the door.

"Hey Jiminie, you coming?" Jin calls to him. He doesn't even turn. "No I'll visit Tae later, I want, to keep practicing."

"Okay do you want us to bring you something back?" Joon asks. He smiles sweetly back at them, "oh no don't worry I brought a snack." He gets back to dancing, my stomach is filled with guilt and worry I shake out of it, I'll make sure that I'm not there at dinner again, he'll be there then.

........

JIMIN (POV)

The hollowness is my stomach is the only thing that is distracting me from the pain in my chest. I keep practicing, I focus on every move.
I drift to a place in my mind with no Kookie, and no Tae, where everything is calm and happy, it falls away when the boys return back from lunch

...........

I have been so in my head for the rest of the practice that when the music stops I'm surprised to see Shawn watching me. "Shawn, good to see you!" Joon says walking up to him and pulling him into a half hug. "Hey." He says greeting them all. "Are you here for Jimin?" Kookie asks smiling, send another jolt of pain through me. So now he hates me and is best friends with Shawn.
"Yeah I thought maybe he would want to get dinner." He looks at me kindly. "I actually wanted to go and see Tae." I say biting my tongue and trying to
Hide my annoyance. "He could take you after." Kookie answers, anger rolls through me, how dare he speak for me. "I can Jimin, I would really like to." My heart softens, as much as I dont want to go I don't want to hurt his feelings. "Okay, sure." I walk over to him taking his elbow. "Okay we will see you later, dont stay out to late." Yoongi ruffles my hair. All the boys pat me on the back as they leave. I feel Jungkooks presence next to me, and I want him to touch my shoulder tell me that everything will be alright, but he doesn't and my heart sinks.

.........

I'm pushing the salad around on my plate, I don't feel like eating, but I put small pieces of lettuce into my mouth. trying to stay focused on what Shawn is saying. He's talking about song writing, about how he can't wait to tour. He's excited and happy and it annoys me how can he be so happy, when I'm sitting here falling to pieces.  I try and shake off the feeling it's not his fault. I smile back at him and nod and take a sip of water and sigh with relief at the cold hitting my empty stomach.

.........

We ride up the elevator in silence, his arm draped around my shoulder, I'm itching to get to Tae I regret not going with the Boys this afternoon.

When we get to his room, we stop by his door. "So...." shawn shrugs. "So?" I say back somewhat confused. "Do you-uh want me to come in with you." My stomach twists at the thought, I try to hide the revulsion on my face. "Oh, no that's alright I kinda want to be alone with him." He nods "of course, I'll be in the waiting room."

"Oh no." I say quickly and get looks back at me I see a slight glitter of sadness in his eye, but it disappears quickly. "I just, I might be awhile."

"I don't want you walking home alone." Its sweet it really is, but I cant deal with him anymore tonight, cant keep a smile plastered on my face keep pretending that everything is fine, while my friend is dying. "I won't Joon stops by every night before visiting hours end to check on him I'll wait for him."

"Okay, I'll stop by practice tomorrow, bring you all lunch." I nod and he leans forward leaving a soft kiss on my cheek.

............

When I take a seat next to Tae, I let myself break again. Tears are falling down my face. "Wake up Tae, I need you. I feel so empty without you" I let my head fall to his chest. "Wake up and tell me that I'm to good for Kookie, tell me that Shawn is good, and cute and everything I need! Just tell me!." My fists clench into his hospital gown. " I need you.... I'm falling apart Tae, please be here, please help me pick up the pieces." The door opens behind me and I straighten up immediately, running my hands over my face to clear the tears. I cant let them see me cry, I need to be strong for them.

I put on my best smile, and turn expecting to see Joon, instead I'm met with Jungkook and I fight to keep the smile stuck to my mouth.

.........

A/N
Thanks so much for reading!