blood, sweat and TEARS

Thirty-six

JK (POV)

I've started running in the mornings. Right at sunset when the people of L.A. have decided not to greet the day yet. It takes my mind off of things. The faster I run the easier it is to forget how beautiful his smile is, and how it so rarely is directed at me these days, but even so I'm so grateful that it's there at all. It helps me to forgot about the pain I've caused the last month that I'm trying to work through, which I finally can, now that it's there in the open shared with the six people I care most about in the world. When my heart is pumping so strongly that I start to feel like a separate entity from it completely. Thats when I can finally..... finally breath.

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I always stop at a coffee shop always the same one, with the same barista with perfect messed hair, hair that he must run his hands through every chance he gets.  his is smiles crooked, and he has perfect teeth, except for the slightest of chips in the front that he either can't afford to fix or just doesn't care to. "Morning kook!" He's to happy for 6am, but I guess I am too. "Morning Grey." He smiles at my familiar tone, and I swear there is a slight blush dusting his cheeks. "Can I get-"

"The usual." He asks. And I nod as he gets to work. He asks me about my run, about my plans for the day. As he prepares all seven cups of coffee. He puts them all in a carrier's  for me. "I don't know how you carry all of these Kook." I love that he calls me Kook I've only been coming here a week and a half and since the first day he called my name it's always been Kook, probably because he couldn't say the whole thing, but it's cute nonetheless. "Its my super power, I'm super good at carrying coffee." He smiles at me. "Interesting, mine is that I'm super good at making coffee, our powers mix perfectly." I nod my head silently. It makes me feel a little uncomfortable this flirting, but I see no long term problems with it. I'm about to exit the store, when he calls to me. "I get off at noon.... if you wanted to take me to lunch?" I turn slightly, he looks at me softly. I see the hope and fear in his gaze it took a lot for him to ask me. And there is nothing wrong with lunch. I nod my head. And he smiles.

...........

Jimin (POV)

I have been sleeping in the same bed as Tae for the last two weeks. We have all kind of switched the sleeping arrangements up, since no one was planning on being here this long. It's a comfort to fall asleep making sure he is breathing. To wake from a nightmare to find it was false, I still have him, and I will never take a heartbeat for granted again.

   I roll over, and grab my phone. It has a text message. "How are you feeling this morning Jiminie?" I smile fondly over the text from Beck. "Happy, strong. What about you becksie?" I text back to her.
    "Jimin we have been over this don't call me that! I hate it!😡"

       "Well you call me Jiminie, you need a nickname to!!! 😢" I giggle a little at her anger.
    "My name is already a nickname! I'm glad you are feeling strong! Because you are. Let me know if you have any problems today!!"

"Thanks Becksie!!"

     "🤬"

       my laughing is halted by the knock at the door. I know when I open it he wont be there, but I kind of hope for it anyway, but I'm right the only thing there are the two cups with out names on it. It's Kooks handwriting, he must not want to bug the barista about putting our names on it. I pick the cups up and shut the door slowly. He's keeping his space from me that's what I wanted, we will always be friends, but we just can't be as close as we used to right now. We need space. I repeat in my head over and over again I turn to find Tae sitting up. "But if you ever want to be normal again you need less space." He says, I hate how he can read me so well.

    I set on the bed handing him his cup. "I can't let him in again, not like that." I look down at my cup playing with the little plastick opening of the cup.

"Well, what do you want Jimin." That is the question isn't it. I love him, more then anything. How caring he is, leaving coffee at our door every morning. Making sure I feel comfortable at dinner by asking if he its okay if he's there. He has even told me that he would be there at any meeting, a ride someone to talk to, anything. Told me how proud of me he was when I told them about the meetings. But I love him to much, it's not his fault, but God I wish he could make himself less lovable. "I want him Tae, but I just can't." Tae grabs my hand.

    "I know you think that Jimin that you cant love yourself as much if you love him. But I think that's part of it, you dont think he loves you more then he loves himself?" I shrug my shoulders. "He does Jimin. what he did was stupid, so stupid, but I think he did it out of love. It's something he needs to work on, but I think you guys could work on  it together, all of it." I nod.

  "Maybe we... should talk?" I look to him. "I think that would be good." He pulls me into his side squeezing me tight.

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It's a rest day. Right after our talk Tae fell right back asleep. I think he is pushing it to hard for someone who is recovering, but if I tell him that again he might blow up at me.

    I love the smell of today. The air almost feels like water as I breath it in and out. It won't be like this for to much longer, the morning is almost gone for the day. I should start getting up earlier, I like L.A when it's new. I don't really know where I'm going all I know is everyone else has plans for the day, but not me, and it kind of feels nice. Maybe I'll go shopping at unknown stores or, hunt down underrated attractions. Sit at a park and let the California sun bathe me in its glory. Whatever I do I'm completely free to do what  I Want to, and it is glorious.

    Around noon I walk out of a small boutique, that had a bunch of homemade goodies. I never knew there could be so many different candle smells, and it kind of made me hungry. I remember seeing a small cafe somewhat near our hotel. I walk slowly back with my little bag from the boutique. I pass the window and the inside is like a dream. So many comfortable looking chares,  the walls are covered in books, and the display case is filled with different baked goods and sandwiches, I can't wait to devour  one. I look at the beautiful wood tables and my heart stills for a second at Kookie sitting there with a cup of coffee and a sandwich. This has to be fate right? He is smiling so beautiful, and that's when I notice the other plate. The other boy, the other perfect boy, one who looks like someone who would be with Kook. There beautiful, blindingly beautiful. And for the first time since I look through the window I see my reflection. I shouldn't have eaten a muffin for breakfast with my coffee. Should have practiced today even though it's a day off. I should have taken Kook the second he offered, because look at me, and look at him. At this beautiful boy he was able to find the moment he stopped obsessing over me.

  I shouldn't let myself break like this, fall apart over him with another guy, I turned him down, not the other way around. But did he have to be so quick. Was I really that insignificant I dont know how I ended up in this bathroom. Don't really know where I am. I look at the toilet.... I really shouldn't have eaten that muffin for breakfast . I hit my fist gently to the stall door, no.... I'm spiraling...... I try slowing my breathing as I fall to the floor and pull out my phone.

JIMIN: "Help."

BECK: "Jimin, where are you?"

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A/N

Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Hope everyone had a happy holiday!! And are having a great new year!!! Thanks to anyone who likes and comments! I love reading them!!!