And we watch the sun go down (Janoskians)

You tear me up

I woke up to the loud buzzing of my phone

My face hurt.

My shoulder hurt.

Everything hurts.

But it hurts more on the inside than the out.

35 missed calls

15 messages

I let the phone drop back on my bed.

No-one cares.

Not even Jai.

He didn't even stay long enough to protect me.

I forced myself up out of bed and stared blankly at the patch of blood where my head had been resting.

I didn't even care.

I couldn't even feel anything.

I walked to the bathroom and stared at the ghostly, scarred face in front of me.

A black tinge was creeping around her bloodshot eyes, dried blood caked on an uncleaned cut.

I checked my shoulder, a huge purple/green bruise was in its place.

I could still see her screaming face, burning eyes, words poisoning my weak skin, fists making blows at my weak and limp body.

A pair of scissors sat on the counter.

Waiting. Watching. Tormenting me.

I  picked them up and dragged the blade across my wrist.

Blood oozed from the wound.

Pain inflicted my body.

I could finally feel something.

I did it a second time, my hands shaking, dropping them on the tiled floor.

What was I doing?

Monster.

I could feel the word pounding in my head.

What had I done?

I clutched my wrists and collapsed as a heavy wreck on the floor.

Blood dripping down my wrist onto the white bath rug.

I lay there for half an hour, unable to gain energy to get up.

In a daze I somehow managed to get up on unsteady legs and fall back onto my bed, watching, hypnotized as the blood slowly dripped from my wrists.

Drip.

Drip.

Drip.

I was unaware of a car pulling in the driveway, different voices yelling my name in confusion.

"Julia?"

I struggled to get into a sitting position and hid my hands behind my back as Jai appeared at the doorway.

How did he get in?

"What are you doing here?" my unfamiliar voice hissed.

"I was worried, you didn't answer any of my calls."

He stared at me in confusion, shock.

"Get out," I barely managed a whisper.

"What happened?" his face was stricken with fear, he looked like he was about to cry.

"Why would you care?" I yelled at him suddenly, my face ached at the sudden jolt, I brought my hand to my cheek.

No.

He had seen the cuts.

He looked bewildered, terrified. Scared of me.

I was scared of me too.

"Because I'm here for you," he replied in a strained voice.

"No you weren't," I said bitterly.

"You were never here/ You forgot about me. Left me here."

With her.

I couldn't even manage the words.

"I didn't know. She did this to you," his voice got louder.

"What do you think?" Terror was building up inside of me.

What was happening to me?

"Get out!" I screamed again.

"Julia.." he took a step towards me and reached out a hand as if to touch me.

"Don't touch me Jai, just go."

"Leave me alone!" I yelled again when he resisted.

His face hardened.

"You know what, fine, I'll go," he spat.

"But don't come crying back to me.

I won't care."

I won't care.

I won't care.

Just as I had thought. He didn't. He never did.

As soon as he slammed my door and I heard the car back down the driveway I broke down.

"Jai." I sobbed.

But he was already gone.

"I'm sorry Jai, I do love you," I tried to whisper the words for comfort.

Memories of us swirled in my brain.