My Bad Boy Best Friend

Chapter 16: First dates, almost drowning, and cosmic phenomena

Lexi's POV

"Tytan, I can't do this." I pulled away my fingers from his, trying to maintain a steady voice. "Leave, leave, please. I don't want to have this conversation." The look on his face made it impossible to hate him and I wanted nothing more than to hate him.

"Lexi?" He gently placed a hand on my shoulder and looked at me with his big sad eyes. I couldn't explain to him exactly how much I needed him to leave.

"No. I don't care what you have to say, just leave me the fuck alone." I didn't try to hide how much I was feeling. He had to see it. He had to see the things I was feeling or he wouldn't leave.

"Are you just trying to push me away?" His voice made a hoarse pained sound.

It broke my heart. But I didn't want to be his best friend anymore. This had to end. We were only hurting each other and least we could do is leave each other alone while we tried to rip each other apart.

"Tytan, look at yourself. You're a fucking mess. You're lying in my bed trying to convince me that you're not a fucking mess. You're guilty and broken and there's something ugly about every little semblance of emotion you show! You can't see this yet but I don't need you anymore Tytan. You're dead weight, have fun finding someone else who's willing to put up with your bullshit!" The part I hated most was that I didn't even have to lie. I meant every word I said. Meaning it hurt more than seeing his face shatter into a million different emotions right in front of me.

"Lexi." No. No. Don't let it get to you! Don't let him ruin everything.

"Lexi. Does this mean, I won?" He put on a brave face but I saw a tear slip from his eyes.

"No. No, I'm trying to tell you that you'll never win. You don't stand a chance." I shook my head. I wanted to hold him and tell him everything would be okay but it wouldn't. We'd never be this close again. We'd never have each other this way again.

"I don't understand." Confusion broke out on his face. Interrupted only by the sadness.

"We are in the middle of a battle of some sort, aren't we? Even this is a part of it. Everything we do is a part of it. Every moment we spend together is a part of it. I don't want to do this because a part of me feels bad for you. The only thing you really had to lose in the first place was me." It was never going to be the same again. We'd always have something incomplete between us.

"This isn't about that?" It sounded almost like a question. One that neither of us had the answer to. But we were both going to pretend like the answer was obvious.

"Yes, yes, it is. I--I know too much about you. I know why you do what you do--I have too much power over you and--and I hate how far I'd go to hurt you?" I rambled. Hoping he'd fall for it.

I saw the same look of helplessness on his face that I felt inside of me and understood that his mind couldn't cope with it. Neither of us could. I was just better at pretending.

"I--I never meant to hurt you--" he fumbled around for the right words. Or just any words at all.

"No. No, you did." I nodded. He knew what he was doing. He knew it would hurt. He knew it was easy and effective. He didn't regret it. He regretted that he didn't regret it.

I could hear his breathing grow uneven. He seemed to be struggling with the concept as a whole.

"I have to go?" His eyes darted around the room, not landing on me for even an instant.

"I'm glad you came to that conclusion yourself." I said, forcing a smirk onto my lips.

"Goodnight Lexi?" The empty look on his face told me everything I needed to know.