My Bad Boy Best Friend

Chapter 23: Poetry it is, then

"Lex, are you sure?" He asked, kissing the top of my head.

"Yeah, yeah, why wouldn't I be?" I shrugged.

"And this would be a proper romantic thing?" He seemed a little less unsure now. Hesitant but less than before.

"I mean, yeah, sure, if that's what you want." I shrugged again.

"What do you want Lexi?" He asked, pulling away from me.

"You." Danny was right, Tytan and I would be perfect for each other. We're the only ones capable of being right for each other.

We had walked all the way back to the Crisis House. "Come on, get in." He said, holding the door of his car open for me. It was like a fantasy. Not mine. But someone's.

Not that I wasn't into it. It wasn't what I had planned but it didn't matter. It was nice. I couldn't be sure if it was as nice as being with Nick but Nick wasn't an option anymore. 

"Tytan?" I whispered in the warmth of his car.

"Yeah?"

"Why do you love me?"

"Because I physically can't live without you, as cheesy as that sounds." He chuckled.

"No, I mean, why?"

"Because you're Lexi. You're the best part of me and you know me and you haven't run away, not once. And yes, we fight and it gets ugly sometimes but in the end we're always there for each other. You've never given up on me, Lexi, not even when you should have. You're smart and you're cute and you know that. You're my best friend." I gulped. Just realizing what I had agreed to. I wasn't used to seeing Tytan in love. Or even remotely romantically affectionate. It unsettled the fuck out of me.

We had agreed to never doing double dates. Or third wheeling. Except in case of an emergency. We'd never had an emergency so we never properly saw each other in love. I mean, of course we knew when the other was in love, there were stupid smiles and a lot of teasing that went on, but we never quite got to the serious, genuine bits.

"But why now? After all this time?"

"I guess I never realized how much I needed you until you decided to disappear. Lex--I--loving you feels like a risk and--and I don't know--I just, I guess I never stopped to consider it because what we had always felt more important." I felt my stomach churn. I knew what I had done and what I had hurtling towards him and it hurt more now.

Knowing that his affection wouldn't last was the most painful thing I had experienced all day. In that entire monstrosity of a day, this is what hurt most. Danny was right. I was a horrible person. Danny was wrong. I didn't deserve Tytan. I didn't deserve all of this love. Not his. Not even Nick's.

"Hey, you okay?" He asked.

"I don't deserve you." I found myself saying out loud. He'd deny it but it wouldn't matter. He didn't know what I did.

"Really? That's your big concern right now?"

"Tytan, you're not a bad person, okay? No matter what, you've never really been a bad person."

"Lexi. I don't believe there's any universe in which you're not good enough for me. That's ridiculous."

"I'm going to break your heart, you know?" I didn't know if that was true but I knew I was going to hurt him in a way that would break his heart for an entirely different reason. And that was just as bad, if not worse.

"I'm okay with that. We don't have to be perfect." He smiled. Guilt poisoned my blood. Soon enough it'd get all of me, "hey, it's going to be okay, alright, Lexi?"