My Bad Boy Best Friend

Chapter 17: Nick Lovestone and The Consequences of Power

Nick Lovestone still made my heart flutter a little. Or maybe he just made me anxious? We were in his car, it smelled like him. And a lot of other things but I chose to focus on his.

We were both searching our minds for ways to make this a little less awkward.

"You've--You've been watching your weight." He said, carefully.

"Not enough." I looked down at myself and felt a little less confident suddenly.

"Since when do you care?" He laughed.

"I--I try not to, but you know how it is, there's always something at the back of your mind telling you that something's not exactly right? Because you're just expected to be thin and toned and not chubby?" I accepted myself the way I was but I had my insecurities just like everyone else did and talking to Nick about it really just made it a little more awkward.

"No. The Lexi I knew wouldn't give a shit."

"The Lexi you knew just wouldn't talk about it because she wanted you to think that she was confident being herself."

"Wasn't she?" He hesitated.

"Not always. Sometimes she held it together, convinced herself that there was nothing wrong with her body but then sometimes she didn't feel that way."

"And she never told me that."

"She had Tytan for that." I said, a faint smile almost appearing on my lips, "Tytan listened to me, he always did. He listened to me whine and complain and groan about how I looked or felt or how I sometimes I felt stupid and it was okay to have that conversation with him because he was my best friend. The only thing he refused to listen to me talk about was...you. But that's just because he didn't like you."

"I'll listen to you if you need someone to listen?"

I gave in.

"You know how sometimes a thing isn't really all that big a deal until suddenly it becomes a big deal because it isn't there anyway? It's like suddenly your whole life feels empty because the thing it used to revolve around just isn't there anymore? It's not even like you paid too much attention to it when it was with you but now that it isn't, it just makes everything feel a lot less meaningful?"

He looked at me and slowly nodded. "And deep down you know that they won't complete you, but you're okay with that because then at least they'll be there with you and that itself makes everything feel a little better?" He completed for me.

"That's why Tytan feels so important to me now." I confessed. "It's like--It's like without him, what's the point of everything? He makes me feel happy and sad and--and without him, it all just feels so unimportant."

"Alright, I know where I'm taking you." The excitement in his voice caused my insides to curl up a little.

"Where are you taking me?" I demanded, hoping it didn't sound too much like a demand.

"Somewhere that'll make it better."

"Nick...you don't have to." Apprehension laced my voice.

"I know, I know, but I know how you feel and I know what always made me feel a little better."

"If it's alcohol I don't want it." I snapped.

"Yeah, I know." He shrank into himself a little. Guilt raked through me.

"How do you know?"

"Well, you wouldn't drink around me...too dangerous?" It was clearly hard for him. Knowing that things between us were always going to be damaged.