Alexis was a normal teen girl that made YouTube videos about random cool things. She ended up meeting a bunch of YouTubers and connected with them. They had decided to hang out and from there on, a crazy, eventful adventure took place. Only, some of...
Before this chapter begins, I know this book barely gets any reads I have like 200 something but I want to thank everyone that has read this because it means a lot. I love reading comments even if you just say hi. I'll reply back with hi lol. I'm so serious I love when people comment on my things. Just a heads up, there is going to be a lot of triggering things and I will try my hardest to remember to put in warnings before I do so.
I was currently getting ready to leave the hospital. All my discharge papers are signed and I am gathering my things. I look back at the bed delivery room, the first and last room I held my baby in. I looked away and Colby grabbed my hand as we began to walk out. We were going to have a funeral, now all I need to do it set it up. Sam and Colby were on tour, I was doing a shoot soon, everything was just crazy.
Colby said they are coming back to do the funeral. We got into the Uber and I went back to the house. Sam and Colby were officially leaving. They were gonna be gone for a few and maybe I was too. I don't know if I actually want to do this whole photo shoot idea. Not right now......maybe never. Colby was currently, finishing up packing and he had to go off to the venue. To be exactly, they were going to be gone for about 53 or 54 days. I'm not sure. Two months without Colby? I don't know if I could do it.
They were leaving for New York tonight, and let me tell you, I was going to miss him. I watched him walk over to me. He picked me up in a hug and kissed my forehead. "Are you sure you don't want to go?" He asked. I nodded softly. "I'll only get in the way." I said softly as I looked up at him. He shook his head. "Never that." He lifted my chin and gave me a sweet, soft kiss. I kissed back and soon, there was a knock on the door. "Hey Colby, Uber's here." Sam came over and quickly gave me a hug along with everyone else.
"We'll be back in a few weeks." He said with a smile. I nodded and they left. I sat down on Colby's bed and started at the wall. "I need to make a YouTube announcement...." I said quietly as I got up and made my way to my room. I set up my camera on the tripod and started recording.
"As many of you know, I was in the hospital for a few days. But nobody knows why. I have seen the assumptions and guys, no I do not have cancer or anything, I will explain more when I am ready." I smiled and looked into the camera deeply. "I am not going to upload it in the next couple days because it is something very important and emotional and I need to speak up about it to let you guys have an inside on my life a bit better. I suggest, if you are like15 or you get to just skip this video or at least have a parent in the room." I said as I looked down and fiddled with my fingers.
"Right now, Colby just left for New York and everybody is busy recording so I am going to make some plans and give you guys an update the next time I record." I ended the clip and uploaded it to my laptop to edit. I laid down in my bed and started playing music softly in the back ground. I take deep breaths and close my eyes. I suddenly opened them after seeing images of Colby Jr. I gripped my pillow and took in a deep breath. It just continued over and over again.
~One Month Later~
It's been a month and I barely leave me room. I lost a lot of weight and I had not stop nightmares of the baby. I needed to have a proper burial. It was haunting me. When Colby comes back, which is like today, I don't know, we will be going to a funeral. It was a couple days before his show. I stood up and slowly walked to the mirror. I shook my head and stood on the scale.
98 pounds. I keep dropping weight, but, I couldn't bring myself to eat. I heard a knock on the door and quickly slipped on a huge sweater and ran over to it. Jake. "Hey Jake." I said smiling a very fake smile. "Hey, I wanted to know if you wanted to come down and eat with us, we have chicken waffles." He smiled.
I looked down and nodded my head. This was going to work. He nodded and quickly gave me a hug before leaving me to get ready. All my clothes were getting a bit big. I slipped in an outfit and used a belt to 'pull it together'. I pulled my hair back into a messy bun and wore the sweater shirt Colby gave me. I slowly walked down stairs and into the game room with all of the others.
They seen me and smiled. "Come on over beautiful." Devyn said and patted the seat next to her. I walked over and she gave me a small plate. "Thank you." I played around with the chicken and waffles for a second before taking a bite. It was so good, I've been on my room thinking about the baby. I felt a hand in my shoulder and looked back to see Corey. He gave me a soft smile and I smiled back as I continued to eat.
As soon as we all finished, I made my way to the sink to wash my hands. As soon as I got in the kitchen, I felt hands on my hips. I squealed and turned my head around to see Colby. "Colby!" I smiled and jumped onto him. He caught me and ran his finger through my hair. He kissed my cheek and held me close. "I love you so much babygirl." He whispered I to my ear. I felt tears slip down my cheeks. He rubbed my back and we soon pulled apart. We went up stairs to my room.
"Okay, lets get ready." He said softly. I nodded and stripped down completely. I seen Colby's eyes scan my body. He looked concerned. "You look way to skinny babe, is there something wrong?" I shook my head with a smile. "I...tried a diet." He nodded his head slowly and squinted his eyes a bit. I pulled my hair into a really high bun and began to get dressed.
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I let down my hair into my face and looked to see Colby. He smiled at me softly and pulled me into a hug. "Everything's going to be okay." He whispered in my ear. We heard a knock on the door and it opened slightly. "Hey guys, the limbos here." She said with a small smile. We nodded and followed her out. We walked down the stairs and got in.
Colby was holding me to his side. He kissed my temple and rubbed my arm as we were driven to the cemetery. I felt my heart ache as we got closer and closer. My eyes watering and some tears falling down my cheek. Colby wiped my tears and kissed my cheek. I leaned into him as the car came to a stop. I gripped his shirt and shook my head. My breathing quickening. "I can't, this is all my fault, I can't." He gripped my to his body and kissed my forehead to keep me calm. We got out of the car and made our way to the grave. I stopped and seen the small casket.
Once the funeral was over, we went back to have the ceremony. I walked up to my room and quickly locked the door, but it mistakenly never did lock. I searched for a blade and found in. I pulled the sleeves up and held my breath as I slid the sharp object over my wrist. The feeling of the physical pain giving me a high, a release of all mental pain. I continued to keep cutting. 5....6.....7.....13.....17......28. I dropped the blade when the door suddenly opened.
"Alexis!?" Colby shouted when he seen my wrist and the blade. I was crying, sobbing. "It's my fault he's gone, everything is because of me! I did this!" I screamed out. He rushed over and placed a cloth around my wrist. It wasn't bad, just a lot of small cuts. He held me to his body as I screamed and sobbed. The blood on the blade and on the floor in little puddles. Colby rocked me back and forth as people showed up at my room as well and seen what happened. I was crying so much I got tired and fell asleep in his arms. The nightmares returning.
