I'm totally a wallflower (freshman year)

Winter time

I continued to write poems and songs and our school went onto Christmas break from December 20th to January 5th I think and at some point during the break I talked to Dylan again on my Facebook account. I apologized for leaving him and we talked about random stuff again and got caught up over the past month that had passed. He said he had been doing alright and I asked him if he was enjoying his break and he said "Yup, I've been relaxing" I told him I was enjoying mine too. I was so bored over Christmas break since my cousins from Texas didn't show up for the holidays this year due to being short on money; but I didn't mind because my cousins got on my nerves. I didn't really want anything for Christmas besides clothes and this one phone at Walmart I really liked. The phone was a touch screen Android phone (I believe it was called a ZTE vally or survy) but I really wanted it.

        I spent a lot of my break on twitter dming people from other countries and states just to pass time since my friends in person didn't really feel like talking. I wanted to get blonde high lights for my red hair 'cause I felt like my hair was turning brown. I told my mother this and she called "You got the look" which was the entrepreneur hair salon I wanted to go to. The hair salon wasn't open due to the holidays so we had to wait. I talked to Dylan for the next few days and he made me feel happy, and he made me smile and blush so much that I had to find a way to contain it.

        I believe it was January 12th 2014 when I went to one of Dylan's basketball games and I had just gotten my hair done with the high lights and the popular girls invited me over to sit with them. My mother and brother joined me (it was so embarrassing) but this girl named Madison asked if I had a crush on any of the basketball players. I blushed 'cause I couldn't contain it and she saw that and asked who and I was hesitant then she kept going and I finally told her. She told me who she had a crush on and I said "nice." She agreed. I texted Dylan after he got done playing how I thought he played very well and how my brother was even enjoying the game which was rare. Dylan told me thanks and we talked for a little bit but not long.

        That same week after break I went by his locker before Algebra class to talk to him and I should've known then that he didn't like me because he was listening and responding but he was focusing on putting his books away in his locker. At that time I thought he was just busy 'cause I caught him at a bad time or something. The rest of January is kinda a blah stage of my life.

        With January gone February arrived and I was so hoping Dylan would ask me out and I was feeling really happy when I would talk to him or thought about him but I kept thinking about how he felt about me. I didn't have the courage to ask him or tell him how I felt so I waited. Madison told me to tell him how I felt so I could get an answer and get it over with if he didn't like me. One night I was in my room and I kept thinking about that and how I wish I knew so I got my folder out from under my bed that had the songs I wrote and out of impulse I started the YouTube channel (without my parent's permission.) and sang my song. My family finally found out about it 2 weeks later. When they did my parents were furious and yet they acted hurt 'cause I didn't consult them about this decision I made. So after they found out I was scared to post another one not knowing how they'd react.

        I sent the link to Dylan for him to watch and he said "It's alright. Not great but not bad." I was kind of upset about that 'cause his opinion meant the world to me then. I showed my guy friend Keondre my video and he asked me if I could write sheet music for it since he plays the saxophone. He wanted to form a band with me. I said "I can try" but it kinda overwhelmed me so I was trying my best to get it done but I couldn't find time and when I had time I was upset 'cause Dylan either was being cold or he wasn't on Facebook.

So Valentine's day came and passed and I hugged my best guy friend at the time Alec since he didn't have a girlfriend and I didn't have a boyfriend to let him know he's not alone and everyone should get at least one hug on Valentine's day. I never told any of my friends about this because my cousin used to date Alec and I figured it wouldn't have been a good idea to and plus the hug didn't really mean anything. I wanted Dylan to ask me out so bad but he never did. February was a slow but fast month for me because of all my emotions that were demanding to be recognized.