90 Days to Love (Completed)

28: Conflicted

Gabrielle Rogers

I leaned against the counter of our staffroom kitchen, looking at the new envelope that had just been delivered to my P.O. box, as much as I didn't want to read it, knowing good and well that it would ruin my day; I just needed to know. I needed to be aware, because in reality 9/10 I didn't feel safe, even with Yohan Wiggins behind the bars that he so rightfully deserved to be behind.

This man of my past was wicked, evil and I should've known. Instead of falling for the glitz and glam, instead of allowing him to pay for my schooling and my moms' business, I should've opened my eyes. I should've been faithful to my husband but... that desperate time, brought me to an all time low that I refuse to ever, revisit. No matter how much I progressed in life, no matter what I accomplished; the regret was constant. The scars on my skin, were constant reminders of the predicament I put myself in, the fact that my son isn't by my side... is a constant reminder and I can only, blame myself.

Unlike most, I'm constantly looking over my shoulder. My lawyer and the detective on my case told me everything was going to be okay, but I was getting these threatening letters on the regular. My lawyer claimed she was going to use them for his sentencing that was set to take place in the next few weeks, but no matter how calm she was about it, I just couldn't be... I was scared.

It wasn't until Gio stepped into my life that I finally got the opportunity, to feel... normal again.

Don't get me wrong, I was hesitant. I figured that I was only attached to him because I had lost my son and he was young, sharing similarities but the closer, we got was the more I was able to realize that Gio was a really, good man. Besides the age and conflicting schedule, he was all that and a bag of chips. Caring, charming, sweet, generous, hilarious, a provider, protector, a confidant, respectful, you name it. Gio was that, and to top it all off... that man knew his way around the body of a woman, like no other. I could confidently say it, Gio was the best guy I had ever been with sexually.

After him pulling up and putting me in my place the other day, I figured one night would satisfy that craving. I figured that all I had to do was show him why it is that he needed to stay in his lane. I assumed, he wouldn't be able to handle being with a woman older than him, but boy... was I wrong. If anything, Gio blew my mind out of the park. That one time, had me adDICKted, to the point where I couldn't even focus at work sometimes. A simple trigger word, would cause my mind to race back to whatever adventure we had embarked on, the night or morning prior. It was so crazy to me, because I've never seen myself like this.

I was... conflicted, as much as I was starting to actually enjoy being around Gio and as much as I thought, yes, I can see myself being with him. I just knew, I would bring him nothing but trouble. I came with a whole lot of baggage and Gio's future looked far too bright for me to ruin. I almost wished that he could've been around in my day, if he was, I wouldn't even hesitate; that would be MINE. LOCK, BALL AND CHAIN. But... it was different, he came at the worst point.

It took the police forever to find Yohan, which meant I was pretty much in hiding until I knew he was in custody. I was still focusing on school of course, but if you thought I was terrified now, you should've seen my back then. I'd wear my cultural, religious attire just to keep myself incognito. Yohan was a powerful guy; I knew he carried a lot of work on the streets which was the terrifying part. By then however, I had moved into the city, in an upscale condominium that was high on security. I believed that I had matured a lot, had some work done on my face even though I didn't want it, I changed my name and started actually... living my life. I thought everything was good and dandy, until I got the first letter.

Yohan, found me and there was no doubt in my mind that I had a target on my back. One that I knew would only transfer over to Gio if he got too close.