90 Days to Love (Completed)

40: Amazing Grace

Desiree Sanders

5,4,3,2,1...

It was as if everything went from being so bright and silent to it being filled with nothing but noise. My ears rung from the sound of the heart monitor. My body aching, I felt my arm hooked up to the many machines, the tube in my mouth and the sound of the machine that was currently pumping life into my body. I felt everything, however, I wasn't able to move, even if I wanted to.

It was as if, I was completely out of my body and I didn't like the feeling whatsoever.

Memories from the plane flashed through my memory, of how I got here, the traumatic events in the paramedics then finally arriving to the hospital. Once again, I was completely unconscious for it all, but I promise you; I felt every single thing that took place. From the paddles they put on my chest, trying to restart my heart to the IVs they forcefully stuck into my arms trying to do everything they thought would possibly work.

Was this really it? was this really how I was going to go? I mean, I expected to at least have enough time to say my dramatic goodbyes, I expected to at least see this coming, but now; here I was, laying on a life support machine with no strength to even push through one more time. My body was officially tired, regardless of what I was thinking.

As I laid there, I could hear almost every thing that happened around me. I heard when the nurses told my parents what was wrong with me. I heard when my father broke down so badly that they had to give him medical attention. I expected it though, I mean; how much more could he really take? He was going through a whole lot and I'm sure this was the last thing he needed.

I heard when my grandmothers joined hands and prayed around me, asking God to have mercy but also asking for his will to be done. At the end of the day, they knew that the pain I had been enduring over the last few days wasn't the easiest, no matter how much I tried to fake it. My grandmother was able to sense almost anything, a simple limp and she was on my tail, so when she said 'she knew I was going through a lot.' in her prayer, I felt that because holding it in was harder than anything.

I could hear when Amber came in here, felt when she held onto my hand. Amber said one of the sweetest prayers possible then followed by having a regular conversation with me. As she stroked my hand, she talked about what were going to wearing to the Fall Senior dance, who was going to do our makeup, she spoke about this new guy she met at work and how she knew I'd like him. Amber talked about everything from Netflix movies to what she planned to eat for dinner, until she could no longer hold up the front and ended up; breaking down as well. Amber was always the strong friend of the group, so experiencing something like this, was so painful to me. To hear her sobs and her sniffles as she squeezed my hands begging me to stay, telling me that at this point in time, she needed me more than I needed her. She was my person...

"So, what are you going to do?" I heard someone ask me in the midst of Amber's pleads. It wasn't until I brought my attention to the other side of me where I saw Giovanni sitting on the edge of the bed with me. I looked him over as he sat there so nonchalantly.

"What do you mean?" I asked him, "how are you even here?"

"The same way how you're answering me while being unconscious?" he said, trying to be smart as usual. "My spirit is obviously having a conversation with your spirit."

"How is that even possible?"

"Simple... your spirit is no longer in your body." He pointed out, "the moment they shut off the machine, that's it. You're practically dead."

"I'm not dead." I smirked, "not yet at least. I just had a little accident on the plane that's all."

"Desiree, if you weren't dead. How would you be able to have a conversation with a dead guy right now?"