90 Days to Love (Completed)

35: The Waiting Game

Desiree Sanders

To be honest with you, the treatment had been weighing heavily on my heart over that last week. Although I hated to admit it, I kind of wished I didn't wait this long, I kind of wish that I went with it the first time Giovanni brought the statistics to me. I hated that I waited this long, but in reality, I felt it was better late, than never. In fact, there was no telling if my body would accept it or reject it, all I was willing to do was try.

As of lately, I wasn't feeling the greatest. I realized I was getting a lot weaker; headaches were more frequent. At first, I would blame it on the fact that I was going through a major loss, but I knew my body and I knew what was happening, was not normal, at all. I could hide from everyone else, but I couldn't hide the truth from myself. I feel like the stress I had just undergone, did nothing but speed up the process of the inevitable. My symptoms were now, becoming more boldfaced than ever and I felt like I had no other choice, but to put my pride aside and just do it.

I wanted to talk to my father about it, but he had been on the phone with the funeral home for a while now, trying to sort out some of the payments.

I took a deep breath before relaxing in the couch. It was a good thing that we had extended our stay here for the sake of our visiting family, being away from the apartment was doing a lot for my healing process, the overall aura of this Airbnb was peaceful and exactly what we needed. It created an opportunity for us to have our friends and family around us at a time when we needed them most.

After speaking to my mother earlier, she was beginning to return back to her normal self, it was as if having a simply conversation was what she needed in order to set her free. As much as I hated to admit it, hearing her side of the story really did open up my understanding. Not that I was saying she was right for what she did, but in all honesty; she was human and as humans we make mistakes. As long as she came to the accountability of it; that was all that mattered to me. Like she mentioned earlier, life was short and the both of us, had upcoming expiration dates. Holding on, wasn't worth it, it was time for us to enjoy the moments we had together. As a family.

We spent the morning just grubbing and relaxing, my uncle who was a DJ played music that filled the house with nothing but vibes that I know Giovanni would've loved. My uncles sat around the dining table playing dominoes, the older ladies sat outside on the porch just mingling and reminiscing. To see my grandmother from Jamaica in the actual flesh was a highlight, her presence was so heavenly, she was everything my father described her to be, just as kind as she sounded over the phone. I could tell she granted my father with strength. I had recently found out that my mother, was the one to file for her visa to come to America, it was a work in progress and she didn't happen to receive that visa until a couple weeks before Gio's passing. God worked in mysterious ways, but he always worked right on time.

I opened up the phone that I had in my hand and opened up Jeremiah's text message. I had my privacy setting on so I couldn't see the preview, nor did I want to.

After days of him ignoring me, to finally get a response to my begging for his forgiveness was nerve-wracking. In fact, the text message sat there for the last hour because I genuinely didn't know what to expect from him. I knew my words hurt, I knew that I didn't mean them but I also learned today that in regards to my own situation; if someone doesn't want to forgive you, they don't have to. As much as I wanted Jeremiah to, he didn't have to because this would've been my second time burning him, when he had yet to be nothing apart from perfect towards me.

Just as I was about to open it, my phone vibrated and Amber's name displayed on the screen. I exhaled deeply, while hitting accept and bringing the phone up to my ear. "Hey." I said, getting up from my seat so I wouldn't disturb my cousins who were busy watching When They See Us.