90 Days to Love (Completed)

33: A Mother's Comfort

Kendrick Sanders

This had to be the hardest day of my entire life, I thought my week was hard; but today, was something else.

We had rented an Airbnb for the occasion, because we had family coming from left, right and centre. I knew the apartment couldn't hold anyone, not to mention the fact that as of lately; that was my least favorite place to be. I came home, showered, got dressed then headed back to work, constant repeat because I just couldn't be there.

The service was set to start in the next two hours, but due to the number of guests that RSVP'd, the only location that could hold them all was 45 minutes out of town, meaning we had to get ready much earlier than we had anticipated. The funeral home and burial grounds weren't too far apart thankfully, it was more of a rich, upscale area; I knew that without a doubt our bill was about to be a heavy one; but for Gio, I'd pay an arm and a leg. I couldn't give him anything good while he was alive, so I practically owed him now. Nadine and I picked out the best of the best regardless of finances. My son deserved it.

I glanced in the mirror as I began to fix my tie, I was the first of the group to get ready and that was solely based on the fact that I needed time to process, to get my game face on before everything went down. I knew I'd have to be the strong one and in order to be that, I needed to have my moment prior. I hadn't cried a drop since the hospital, at first, I thought it was a good idea but now that I think about it, it was the worst. I had broken down in the shower this morning, then a few minutes ago while putting on my suit jacket. Being strong was definitely harder than I had imagined it to be.

"Knock, knock." I turned towards the door to see Nadine's mother, waving. "Mind if I join you?"

"Go for it." I let out, while walking towards the side of the bed where my shoes were.

"I brought you something..." she said, closing the door behind her as she entered. Once it was just the two of us, she held up a joint causing me to chuckle.

"I look that bad."

"You definitely do." she laughed, waddling over to hand it to me.

"Thank you, I needed this."

"I know you did." She took her seat on the edge of the bed next to me and handed me a lighter. "I know you haven't touched this in a while, so I made sure to take it easy on you. I got the strong stuff for later, if you still need it."

"Oh, I'm going to need it." I nodded while placing the joint between my lips. I lit it then took a long enough drag, allowing the heat to invade my lungs. I let out a cloud of smoke and relaxed. "I just can't believe this... never in a million years would I have thought I'd be preparing to lay my son to rest."

"Trust me, I'm still in denial that any of this is even real."

"Gio... out of all people." I ran my hand over my head and held it down, gazing at the tiles on the bedroom floor. "My son wasn't perfect, but... he didn't deserve this. I never knew him to have any enemies... he was so easy going, always willing to make sacrifices for his family. He had so much going for him, all his dreams practically in his pocket and then this happens." I groaned, while putting the joint back up to my lips and taking another pull, "I just can't wrap my mind around it, I don't think I ever will be able to."

"I don't think anyone will be able to. Nothing seems right anymore."

"Nothing at all. It's been raining since the day, the neighborhood has been super quiet, I can't even turn on my radio to check the traffic because all I hear is his name. Driving up to my building and seeing the candles on the grass, has to be the hardest of them all."