Supernatural oneshots

Open Your Mind Before Your Mouth

No ships here. But there's a navy base a couple hours from me with some really awesome ones if you really want them. Ace!Balthazar tells some annoying bigots to fuck off. High school au. I'm proud of this.

***Balthy's POV***

I sat at the small lunch table and popped a Cheeto in my mouth as I waited for my friends. But, of course given my luck, Crowley and Abbadon found me before Cas and Dean did.

"Hey Balthy," Abbadon purred.

"What do you two want?"

"Just some questions for you, fag." Crowley said in his heavily accented voice.

"Given your background, you'd think you wouldn't call people cigarettes." I rolled my eyes.

Crowley ignored my comment, "I think it's obvious that you're a fucking queer but I also heard your a prude."

"A prude?"

"You heard him." Abbadon laughed. "You're still a virgin. How do you date every gay boy in this damned school and not fuck around already?"

I rolled my eyes and are another Cheeto. "I don't like sex."

They both laughed again. "Everyone likes sex, you fool." Crowley said.

"Not me." Fucking hell, where was Dean and Cas when I needed them?

"That's ridiculous." Abbadon scrunched her nose at me. "It's basic human nature to want it."

"Exactly," Crowley agreed. "It's damned unnatural for anyone not to like it. Ya fucking freak."

"I'm not a freak. And it's actually pretty common. It's called asexual." I tried to explain. Maybe if they understood it better they wouldn't be such ignorant bastards.

"Asexual? like plants." Abbadon threw her head back and laughed.

"No. I'm just not interested in sex. It's pretty simple and I don't need shit from you two. It's my sex life, you aren't in control here."

I had a pretty short temper and Crowley and Abbadon were testing my self control. I wouldn't ever hit Abbadon but I would happily break Crowley's jaw. That would be fun. I would enjoy that.

"How can you not be interested in something you've never done?" Abbadon asked.

"Yeah, maybe you just need to get laid."

"Would you ever want to saw your arm off with a butter knife?" they gave me a weird look and said of course they wouldn't. "Well, how would you know if you've never done it?"

"It's different. Sex is pleasurable. Saw your own arm off is painful and dangerous."

"To me, sex sounds about as entertaining as sawing my own arm off." They remained quiet and I hoped that was the end of their bigoted argument.

"So you're a fucking sociopath?"

"Yeah," Crowley agreed. "there's no way you could possibly not want sex unless you were a heartless bastard."

That drew the line. I slammed a hand down on the table, causing the duo to jump. "Plenty if bloody sociopaths enjoy sex. There is no connection between sociopaths and asexuals. Now get the fuck out of my face before I castrate you, you bastard.

"This is my damned body and I will sleep with whomever I wish. Whether that's the whole school or fucking nobody is none of your business.

"I'm really sick and God damned tired of you two walking around all high and mighty because you're this heterosexual power couple. Stop degrading my friends for being gay because you will not like what happens if I hear you two causing shit again."

I angrily grabbed my Gatorade off the table and stormed out. I got to my English class to finish my lunch and I found all my friends there.

"Balthazar," Anna greeted with a smile. "We told you we were having lunch in here today.

"Well, shit. Maybe somebody should've reminded me. I just had the worst fucking encounter with the terror twins."

"That would make it incest and then they would be hypocrites." Sam pointed out.

I rolled my eyes and sat down with my friends and relayed the conversation with Abbadon and Crowley to them.