HER

CHAPTER 10 Words left unsaid (LANA)

Marina made a beeline for the bar as soon as the car slowed. I waited patiently, not wanting to push her. She had already been through so much. But this was so unlike her to just run off so abruptly. Maybe it wasn't. Maybe I just didn't know her as well as I thought.

My eyes flicked back and forth from my watch. After 15 minutes I started to panic. What if she had run away from me? For real this time.

Just as I was about to head inside, I saw the short blonde bob shine in the car headlights. She shoved her way through a gang of men. Twisting and snaking her way towards me. I nodded when she caught my eye, letting her know I was still here. One of the taller men grabbed her arm, whispering something into her ear. My blood boiled as jealousy raged inside me.

I didn't even think. For once I acted. I ran towards them, with a face like thunder. I could see Marina, eyes wide with fear. I wedged my car keys haughtily between my fingers, curling my hand into a tight fist. The ridges cut my hand, slicing the palm. Marina tried to pull away, but he laughed as he dragged her closer. He stunk of alcohol. This felt all to familiar.

Cold sweat trickled down my back as I tugged at his shoulder.

"Hey asshole!"

He ignored me.

"HEY! LET GO OF HER"

Marina saw the glint of the keys and snatched my hand towards her. Her nails dug hard into my fist as she struck him. Deep into his side, clipping his kidney. She twisted twice trying to cause serious damage. The man howled in pain, pushing Marina so hard she flew back onto the pavement.

She didn't cry. She didn't even move or make a sound. Instead she sat for a moment then awkwardly got up and brushed the gravel from her dress.

I had never seen someone so composed, especially someone who prior to this seemed to  cry so much. But there was only one person crying here. Me. The irony was bittersweet.

"You're so pretty when you cry."

God I wish I had twisted the keys into his eye.

My mind had wondered again, forgetting that I still wasn't out of the woods yet. Tenderly, Marina slipped her arm around my waist guiding me away from the men. They were still hurling abuse at us. Calling us disgusting names. I blocked them out, but one or two names made their way through. It burned my ears.

"Fucking dykes!"

"Whores"

"Sluts"

How creative.

We settled after a few hours. Finally back on the road. The deafening silence returned. My eyes itched from staring at the grey roads. Marina sat with her feet and legs folded under her. Her head rested on her hands. Which were flecked with blood. This seemed to be a reoccurring thing for her. But we could discuss it later.

She sighed and then whimpered, almost inaudibly.

"Why do you still call me Marina?"

I didn't reply, sure I'd imagined it. After a long pause her eyes caught mine. Waiting for my answer.

"Cause you'll always be Marina to me?" I stuttered, unsure of what she wanted to hear.

"I know, but..."

I decided to tell her a half truth.

"Listen. If that's what you really want I'll call you whatever you desire, but we've been through so much. I know what it's like to be called something different. Something fresh and new. And you think it changes you. That you're a different person. But deep down you'll always be Marina. You can never escape your past. I'm sorry but that's just the way things are."

"What do you mean? Are you saying your name isn't Lana?"

She's quick.

Well... here goes.

"My name was Elizabeth Grant."

Haven't said that in a while, I slapped my hand against my head remembering the hotel registration. The words stuck to my teeth. Thick and gloopy. Like tar.

"Why the name change?"

"I- it doesn't matter anymore."

"Oh."

She sulked, staring into space. I could almost hear the wheels turning in her head. Desperately trying to figure me out.

"You didn't cry."

Why did I say that?

"What?"

"Back there. You took a hard fall and you didn't even flinch."

Trying to save myself I rambled on.

"Look I'm not trying to analyse you, but you've been acting so manic I just don't know what to say or how to act around you anymore."

She took a few minutes before bitterly retorting.

"Lana I'm not a fucking robot. I cry. I just don't do it in front of people. Imagine how embarrassing that would be."

I wish I'd kept my big mouth shut.

"Embarrassing? Marina you're allowed to have emotions."

"Oh yeah! Well try living with my husband. Do you know that when I cried he wouldn't let me drink or eat for days. He did it until I was so dehydrated a doctor had to be called. Crying came too easily to me. So he broke my spirit and now I don't cry so freely. At least, not in front of people."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It's not your fault."

"You cried in front of me?"

"You're different."

I felt awful. I wish she hadn't told me that. That little glimpse into her life haunted me. I couldn't even imagine how terrible it must have been. I would've killed myself than let someone have that power over me. I scolded myself internally. What was I saying. Larry had that kind of power over me.

I tried again.

"Marina I'm-

"Do you know how hard it is for me. To have these feelings for you?! To be impulsive enough to stab someone but not look you in the eye?"

I didn't say anything. Just hoping our journey would be finished soon.

Her voice softened.

"I understand if you want to leave me."

Looking over to answer Marina I saw her eyes were closed, her hands to her mouth. Nails anxiously bitten down to the quirks. Ragged and pink.

My fingers drifted over to her face, tucking a stray curl behind her ear. Her eyes shot open. Startled by the sudden intimacy.

"Never, plus we're partners in crime now. Your very own Bonnie and Clyde."

Her laugh felt like sunshine. Warm and harsh.

Yet utterly thrilling.