HER

CHAPTER 12 One for sorrow (LANA)

The car screeched to a halt, groaning as I pulled the keys from the ignition. I picked at the dried blood. Flakes peeled onto the floor. Fluttering in the still air, like snowflakes.

Messaging my temple I nodded my head towards the hotel. This one was much grander than the last. The walls white and gleaming with yellow lights. It looked inviting and I couldn't think of anything better than a good nights rest. I was sure Marina would agree.

But there were other issues pressing my mind. I couldn't ask her here. Not now. Every time she opened up to me, I seemed to ruin the moment. She would reveal this layer of herself and I would trample on her. A daisy stuck to the bottom of my shoe.

Marina stared questionably at me. The lights seemed to make her skin glow darker, her eyes and hair black.

I couldn't hold it in anymore. Careful, I reminded myself as my mouth opened and closed like a goldfish.

"We have to talk about what happened back there."

"I don't know what you mean?"

"Look I'm not in the mood for games."

"I did what I had to do." She snapped turning her head away from me.

"You didn't have to do anything, I had everything under control."

"I did what you couldn't."

"It's not that simple Marina you can't do that to people."

"Why can't I?! He was?"

"Every man in my life has gotten to walk all over me! They've taken everything away from me Lana! They've taken my childhood, my dignity, my body, my life! All this for what? Don't you dare tell me it wasn't simple!"

"I'm sorry you've been through all this strife, I truly am. But you can't get rid of people like that. It will catch up to you."

"Good."

"Who do you think you are? A character out of west side story?! Jesus Christ!"

"What do you want me to say? I'm sorry I stabbed him? Because I'm not Lana, I'm really not. He got what he deserved."

"NO ONE DESERVES THAT. You of all people should know and understand why."

I couldn't look at her, her behaviour disgusted me. She had turned so cruel. I felt exhausted, like I had been used. A quick getaway. Was all this for nothing. Had I really fallen for this trick? Then the worst possible notion popped into my mind. Had she been using me and seducing me all this time to escape?

When I finally looked at her I saw she was trembling. She shook so violently I was scared she'd shatter like glass.

"Lana I lost it."

"Lost what?" I really didn't want to fall back under her spell, to be caught up in her maddening life. When she grabbed my hand I could feel how serious she was.

"Darling you're not making any sense?"

She laughed through her tears, her face twisting from sad to happy. Like a demented clown.

Holding her hand in mine, I stroked her skin. Trying to comfort her. I noticed how small they were. But they were not stout by any means. They were slender. Her wrists were thin but strong. Comparing our hand sizes in my head I didn't even notice that I had taken her hand, took her palm to my face and kissed the inside of her wrist.

Biting her lip she pointed to her stomach.

Everything made sense.

Fell into place like pieces of a jigsaw.

"Oh Marina..."

My voice was thin as she looked up at me, head shaking from trying to stop crying. Slamming my door shut I went round to her side, lifting her out of her seat. Her head rested against my chest whilst her legs wrapped around my waist. Like a mother and child. She flopped in my arms like a rag doll.

My muscles burned from the sudden weight. She was so slight I hadn't realised she would be this heavy. Struggling through to reception, I snorted at how comical we must've looked. As I collected our room key, with marina still clinging to me we finally made our way to the room.

I laid her down on the white sheets. She sprawled out then curled into a ball, kicking her shoes off. They clattered on the floor, echoing in the room. I unbuttoned my shirt and let my skirt slide to the floor. I shivered in my bra and pants, the hairs on my arms pricking.

Marina watched as I carefully undid her dress, pulling it off and folding it. She propped herself up on her side. Her slip dangerously low and short. I turned the lights off, letting the moon bathe us in dim light. Sitting down next to her I tugged hard at the covers, untucking them from the mattress. I wrapped us both in them. They were deliciously cold and soft.

My back was weary and sore from sitting for hours. My bones cracked and groaned as I finally let myself relax. I shuffled my body closer to hers, craving to be near her.

She twisted and turned. Her breaths shallow and fretful. Her head whacked back into my chest. Wrapping my arms around her I held her until she was still. Until her breaths were balanced and unlabored. I kissed her hair, savouring the moment. Her hair was a blend of chemicals and shampoo, yet just then it felt like heaven.

She moved my arm up to her neck, holding my fingers to her lips. She kissed them quickly, I could feel her smiling into them.

I wondered what she might taste like. My mind instantly thought of cinnamon. Sweet. Like a dream. I tried to stay away from her. From sin. But I couldn't. I never believed in God, I wasn't born into religion. But Larry was. Maybe he was my downfall.

But this didn't feel wrong. It felt pure. Warm. Safe. Lovely. Right?

As we slept that night. I wondered what it would feel like to be ashes. Have my body melt down to dust. My white bones blackened.