LOVING Aman | ✓

35

'I believe in everything until it's disproved. So I believe in fairies, the myths, dragons. It exists, even if it's in your mind. Who's to say dreams and nightmares aren't as real as here and now?'

This is a quotation from John Lennon. He was an English singer, songwriter and peace activist who cofounded the Beatles, the most commercially successful band in the history of popular music. And he played the harmonica.

I know you are all thinking  why John Lennon and why am I quoting him. Well, I'm not entirely sure. Perhaps it has something to do with dreaming about their song P.S. I love you. Or perhaps it had to do with dreaming about Aman's letter and how he had quoted him.

... I read once that there's nowhere you can be that isn't where you are meant to be...And it got me thinking that perhaps I am where I am supposed to be though separated from you however it also gave me hope, hope that someday I may also find my way to you. So I am going to believe in the truth behind this words and let fate work it's magic... hopefully, it might lead me to you.

Perhaps. I don't know. But the lyrics to their song keep dancing in my head.

'As I write this letter, send my love to you
Remember that I'll always be in love with you
Treasure these few words 'til we're together
Keep all my love forever

Or perhaps it's about not dreaming at all. Like I said, I don't know. However I am sure about one thing; I am happy.

'Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, then it's not the end.'

Sorry, quoting Lennon again. However like I said, I am happy or at peace, or whatever is synonymous with feeling good. You will be, if you were me too. I promise you.

I guess you're all wondering what making me all squeals and flowers, well, something happened to me a while back, something good, obviously.

What is that, you ask? Well, for you to understand, we would have to go back to the time I was hurt and in lots of pain and Aman had saved me and was bringing me home and I slept off.

Well, I did sleep but not for long, thankfully, or rather I woke up just in time. Which turned out to be a good thing. I never thought there was anything good about being insomniac, it was simply a curse but not anymore. Now, I am simply grateful I am.

Why the sudden change of heart? Well, here is why.

When I woke up the car had stopped. I didn't open my eyes though, not immediately, however I shifted a bit to stretch my legs but I felt something slip off my body.  I was about to open my eyes and see whatever it was that was on my body when I heard Aman's voice. I remained still.

"Are you up? We're in front of your house."

Still, I remained silent. Don't ask me why though, I don't know why.

"You must still be asleep then," He mumbled softly as I felt him close to me. I almost panicked and push him away but I stopped when he pulled up that thing I felt fall on my body minutes ago and wrapped it up around me again. It was a blanket, his apparently from the similar scent. I snuggled up, hugging the blanket tighter.

Satisfied I was okay, he relaxed back into his seat and for moments after nothing had happened.

Nothing until I heard his voice.

"I think it's a good thing you're asleep, Rei, because there's so much I want to say to you which I know you'll never listen to, not willingly anyway." He took a deep breath and I smiled sheepishly. Go figure asshole.

"You were right about not trusting me and not forgiving me, God, you're right about everything. I really am a hypocrite and a fool and a liar and I really don't deserve you. It's funny though cause I still think I do deserve you. I know I do." He chuckled softly, which was more of a whimper. " I thought I had lost you, Rei, and I was going to give up. Really I was. But then the plane crash had happened and you were there that night. The night I had lost everything. That dark, painful and stormy night, that night I had thought of giving up but you, you had saved me without even trying, you had brought hope back into my life. How can l let you go after that? I simply couldn't. You asked me if I was alright, Rei. Nobody asks me that. People simply assume I was fine and I let them. But not you, never you. You met a stranger smashing things in the middle of the night and yet you had the courage to ask him if he was fine."

Aman was that man? Oh God! What kind of fate binded us?

"And yet I couldn't hold on to you. I simply couldn't. That was why I had disappeared. But then fate has a way of bringing you to me. I don't know why, but just right at the moment I think I can survive without you, fate brings us together again. Like it had that morning."

He took a deep breath, exhaling slowly.

"It was how you suspected, Rei. I shot myself that day."

What in God's name is happening right now?

"You were leaving and I didn't know how to stop you and I couldn't let you go, not this time. Ten years of agony was enough. I think it's enough punishment for me. I really do think so. And it had worked. You had came back for me and just like I had wanted, you brought me to your house and looked after me." I could feel him smiling

"I'm just sorry I left the way I did but your mom didn't want me anywhere near you and after the conversation we had that night, I didn't think she'll ever want you to see me again, ever. That was why I had stolen you in the middle of the night. I couldn't risk her marrying you off like she had threatened without giving us a chance again. I'm sorry I frightened you, but that was the only way to make you come with me. I couldn't risk you not coming along, I put my life on the line to make sure that happened."

He let out a deep sigh. He was speaking too fast that I feared I imagined hearing some of the things he was saying.

"It was supposed to be memorable. Those three days. They were supposed to help you remember all we had once promised each other, all we once had. But I forgot the shadow lurking between us and before I knew it, he had ruined it all for me...again."

A shadow? What is he talking about?

"I didn't hurt you, Rei, he did. He always has and I'm sorry I couldn't protect you. I really am. But what was I to do? It was either you or him and I didn't know what to do." I heard his voice crack. "I really didn't, Rei. I didn't know how I was supposed to choose between you and my brother?"

His brother? What in God's name is going on?