LOVING Aman | ✓

36

"He saw us that day, Rei, Amar saw me with you and he lost it." His voice trailed off and for a moment, just for a moment, I thought he wasn't going to say anymore, 'cause you see, he was crying. I knew that for a fact. But he surprised me when I heard his voice, a bit hoarse, continue.

"We weren't suppose to happen, you see. It was always him. He saw you first, he fell for you first and I was suppose to bring you together, but then I fell for you and then that night had happened and everything was ruined. Me, you, him, Irrfan, everything." He paused.

I was almost tempted to ask him what has Irrfan got to do with all these but he saved me moments later when he continued his confessions.

"Irrfan wasn't supposed to happen." He sounded bitter, angry. "You weren't supposed to fall in love with him and he, you. He was Amar's bestfriend. He was supposed to just hide you for six months, just until Aman could convince you that he loves you, you know, the old chivalrous way. He saves you and you fall for him. That was the plan but then I got a call from Irrfan asking me to come save you. He said he got into a fight with Aman and he asked him to leave, but he couldn't. He had gone back to you that day and had stayed with you ever since. I was supposed to meet you both the night he escaped with you but that too I manage to ruin somehow. Irrfan had died and it was because of me."

And then quiet again as if he was giving me time to allow the truth sink in and for a moment there, I thought just maybe, maybe, he knew I was listening, but then he had went on again his shame and pain evident in the lithe of his voice and somehow it didn't matter if he knew or not.

"If he hadn't called me, perhaps..." He let his words hang. "And Khairat too." He let go of a deep breath. "I ruined her too. I do that a lot, Rei, ruin people. You, Aman, everyone I come in contact with. Perhaps I was better alone. Perhaps that was why God had kept me that way all along. It was a sign, apparently. But I was greedy, ironic, isn't it? " He let out a harsh laugh but it was more of a whimper. He was clearly in pain.

"She didn't lie, Rei, she didn't." He was almost screaming and his voice bordered on hysteria. It was as if he was trying to hide his pain in the intensity of his voice, like some sort of shield.

"She did see me drunk, only it wasn't me, it was him. He had been jealous and angry and had downed more than his fair share of alcohol and then he'd broken Khairat's heart all over again in a bid to ruin us and then he'd gone for a ride and we both know what happened next." He hit the steering wheel hard and again and again and again and again and then I held his hands. I couldn't let him injure himself you see. I simply couldn't. And for a while, we sat in silence, my hand over his bloodied wrist until his pained voice slithered through and broke the serenity.

"How was I supposed to blame him, Rei? You were never mine in the first place. I stole you from him. He wasn't at fault, I was. I never should have come into their lives." He rested his head over my hands, defeated and I felt his warm tears on them.

I wanted to tell him it wasn't his fault, that it was all destiny. He couldn't have done anything. But I couldn't. I simply couldn't find my voice at that moment. All I could do was cry; for him, for me, for everything that had happened. He was only seventeen when it had all happened, two years after he found his family, how can I blame him for wanting to protect his family? I know I would have done same.

"That was why I was willing to take the blame for it all. You already hated me, I didn't think I had anything more to lose anyway. But he betrayed me, you see. He had a video of us from that night. I don't know how, but he did and in exchange for the video, I promised to stay away from you. However he found out that I had contacted you and in a fit of anger, he sent the video to your dad, blackmailing him and I found out too late. I tried to explain to him that I only called you to end it. But he didn't want me to end it. He wanted to pretend to be me and I had ruined it all. I never even knew he wore contacts sometimes. I didn't know that he spied on me with a camera he'd installed in my room. I didn't know he was jealous of me."