Tangled Dreams

CHAPTER 3: AT DESTINATION'S CROSSROADS (Part 1) | Kareena Chopra

Euston Station in London reminded me of KL Sentral in Malaysia. So many people thronged the place, rushing after trains, buses and the Tube at this central transit hub. I had just stepped out of the Tube and suddenly felt nauseous as I was bombarded by the sound of footsteps shuffling in and out unceasingly, distant conversations of people faintly buzzing in my ears and the smell of acrid body odours that pricked the senses. I covered my mouth and held my breath. I walked speedily towards the nearest exit.

As soon as I had stepped out of the station, I took a deep, deep breath. The chilly air immediately filled my lungs, rushing oxygen to the whole of my body. I felt better. If not for tomorrow's interview, I would have never come here. I would have rather spent time relaxing on campus in Oxford than be here in London. The sheer number of people in London stifled me. After all, I was agoraphobic. I would become breathless when surrounded by many people, especially in public places. I was more comfortable in my own space, without encroachment from others.

I sat on one of the long benches outside Euston Station. I clutched my handbag tightly against my chest as I tried to avoid looking around me. I needed some time to handle this new environment. I shut my eyes and allowed myself to adjust to the surroundings.

I could hear footsteps in front of and behind me. The gentle whispers of people chatting were all around me. Cheerful laughter from kids; high-pitched and piercing. The sound of baggage rolling on little castor wheels. At one point, a bicycle bell could be heard. A cool breeze lapped against my cheeks before I realised that the cyclist had sped past me. I took a slow, deep breath to calm myself. After I had calmed down, I opened my eyes again. Slowly.

There were all kinds of people. Some were neatly dressed, carrying briefcases and newspapers clutched together. Then there were others dressed casually with handbags and magazines. Families could be seen walking with their little children engrossed in their sweet antics. Travellers dragged their baggage on the way to their destinations. Occasionally, groups of young people would cycle or jog past me. I observed my surroundings as I gave myself time to soak in the new atmosphere. When my pulse went back to normal, my body too gradually relaxed.

I took out the map I had printed the night before from my bag. I opened it up completely and tried to determine my current location. The interview tomorrow would be held at Wellcome Collection, which should be located nearby. According to the map, it was just a five-minute walk away. I raised my head to look in the direction according to the map. All the buildings there looked the same to me.

Church? No. School? Unlikely. Road to the university? Doubtful. Suddenly, my eyes spotted a large banner in front of a large, drab, white building. Written on it were the words "Wellcome Collection". Spot on! I had found it. I folded up the map and put it back in my handbag. I got up and walked towards the building.

Although London was unnerving with its crazed populace, there was something that I liked about the community here; they did not take to sticking their noses in other people's business. They did not like staring at strangers. They would not smile at me without a reason. They would not suddenly greet me warmly. The people in London preferred to be left alone. It was as if they were a community that shared a common space in the city, but never became acquainted with each other. These qualities were perfectly suitable to me, as I preferred to be left alone instead of others being in my face.

As soon as the traffic lights changed, I crossed the road quickly, leaving the other pedestrians behind me. I purposely strode away quickly. I did not like it when people were too close to me as it made me feel uncomfortable.

Barely a minute later, I reached the main entrance of Wellcome Collection. Although the interview was scheduled for the next day, I had purposely come a day earlier. I needed to look at the location first and familiarise myself with the surroundings. Otherwise, it would be impossible for me to sit calmly during the interview.

The door was opened by a customer services assistant from the inside just as I was reaching for it. He smiled and invited me in. I simply nodded. I felt a bit uneasy to be given such imposing attention by him.

The foyer was spacious. I walked up a short flight of stairs towards the main area where there was an information desk by the lift lobby. Another customer services assistant smiled as she noticed me. I began to feel slightly uncomfortable. I realised that they were just doing their job to welcome visitors, but I would rather have been invisible to them.

I looked to the left where an exhibition was taking place. I then looked to the right. The café I was looking for was there. I walked towards it and did not stop until I reached the bookshop adjacent to it.

I reached for a book and then stepped back from the rack. To all appearances, I was showing interest in the book, but I was actually observing the café. I felt more at ease this way. If I were to stare openly at the café, a waiter would have greeted me. I did not want unnecessary interaction at this point in time. I hoped that the assistant behind the cashier's counter would be sufficiently busy that he would not have time to attend to me, as I just wanted to be left alone.

The thick, long, white, wooden tables were paired with colourful cushioned seats. There were also sets of small, white, square tables situated near glass panels facing the outside. The café décor was very creatively produced with colourful lamps shaped like laboratory test tubes suspended from the ceiling. The interior design of the café was to my liking. In my heart, I had already chosen the seating location for the interview tomorrow: the square table at the corner furthest from the counter with seats of apple green − my favourite colour.

That obstacle had been crossed. I was sure tomorrow's interview would proceed smoothly because everything had been arranged to plan. I returned the book to the rack and left the place. This time, it was I who smiled at the customer services assistants.