Tangled Dreams

CHAPTER 3: AT DESTINATION'S CROSSROADS (Part 3) | Kareena Chopra

I reached Wellcome Collection a few hours earlier than the agreed time. In fact, I seemed to be the first visitor to step into the building that day. I had purposely planned it that way so that I could get the white corner table with the apple green seats that I had set eyes on the previous evening.

I placed my bag on a seat while my mineral water bottle went on the table. Done! This table had been reserved. I felt a sense of relief. I walked towards the food counter next. Walking past the menu board on my way back yesterday evening, I had managed a quick glance at the list of food and beverages available. While walking there early that morning, I had already decided to order a cappuccino and a Chicken Panini sandwich.

After the enjoyable snack, I pushed the empty plate aside and took out my book entitled A Friend Like Henry. The book was fascinating. It was a true story about a dog that helped a boy named Henry to cope with his life as an autistic person. The disposition of the dog opened up a whole new dimension for me to better understand and sympathize with the character of Henry as a special individual. I had to take a deeper analysis of this approach for my thesis.

"Excuse me, are you Miss Kareena?"

I was startled to hear a husky male voice near my left ear. I had by now become very comfortable relaxing in the café, especially as I was so engrossed in Henry's world that I had forgotten where I was. My heart missed a beat when addressed so suddenly.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you," said the voice again. I turned to see who had appeared beside me. It was a Malay male in his 30s with an arresting smile showing his straight, white teeth. If I was not mistaken, this was Faez Ibrahim, the journalist who wanted to interview me. I put aside the book. I invited him to take a seat; a red one that I had placed opposite me at the table earlier on.

Faez was a Malaysian journalist who resided in London. His main line was writing articles about Malaysians who lived, worked, studied or had other pursuits in London. He had interviewed many prominent personalities, such as Datuk Siti Nurhaliza who had performed here, Tun Mahathir when he visited London, and Awang Goneng, the writer from Terengganu who now lived here. How did I know all these facts about this journalist? From Mother. Although Mother denied it, I still had doubts about the real reason why Faez chose to write an article about me. Was it because I had attained the level of doctorate in my field of studies? Or was it because of the extraordinary influence wielded by my mother who constantly craved publicity?

"Your success as a University of Oxford student is a source of pride to our nation. It is an honour for me to interview you. I believe your testimony will inspire other youth to continue striving in the fields of their choosing." As if he could read my mind, Faez explained the purpose of the interview today. I chose to believe his words.

Faez did not waste time. After he got his beverage, he explained the course of the interview. A colleague of his would arrive a little later to photograph me. He purposely chose this café because the interior décor was very creative and the atmosphere was quiet after lunch. The colourful seats and cushions were compatible with the tastes of young people today. He believed the café would be an ideal background for the photography session later. Privately, I was impressed by his choice of café. I truly liked this place. If the Oxford campus had a café like this, I would almost certainly drop by regularly.

"Why did you choose Oxford and why the field of psychology? Especially the field of Experimental Psychology, which is not the choice of many? Not only did you complete your course and was awarded a DPhil in Experimental Psychology, you passed with distinction. What does it feel like to obtain the title of 'doctor'?" Faez wasted no time in bombarding me with questions.

As if I ever had a choice. I did attempt fields such as political science, medicine, business and others. But none of them were successful. Even though I was a good student, when it came to the practical aspect, I would simply lose control. I would cave in and refuse to participate in practical sessions.

I hated speaking in front of an audience. I detested presenting business proposals. I had panic attacks in large social situations. After all, wasn't I agoraphobic? In the end, the field of Psychology became the most permanent of my choice of courses because it leaned more towards scientific studies on human behaviour and psychological processes. I did not need to interact with the crowd, but instead communicate with someone on an individual basis. Personal relationships. I could still cope with that. Furthermore, I would be able to flee far away from my family as I pursued developments in this field of study to the highest levels. More importantly, I would be able to understand myself better from psychological and social perspectives.

Of course I did not tell Faez all that. If even the vaguest notion that I was agoraphobic were revealed, my mother in Kuala Lumpur would certainly be enraged. Therefore, I answered Faez's questions as scripted. I chose Oxford because of its international reputation. I chose Psychology because Malaysia lacked talent in this field. I would like to thank my mother and father for supporting me in this course of study up to doctorate level. Waffle... waffle... waffle... This was not my story. It was an artificial one created by my mother. I merely presented it to Faez as dictated by her.

An hour went by. It was almost the end of my interview with Faez. I heaved a sigh of relief. The notes scribbled by Faez barely filled the first page of his note book. Perhaps he relied more on the audio recordings that he made on his iPhone.

"One last question for today. I heard that the University of Oxford has offered you a position. This rarely happens and is said to be the golden opportunity many psychologists worldwide dream of. Are you going to accept the job offer? Or return to benefit your country?"