Tangled Dreams

CHAPTER 4: EVERYTHING ABOUT HER (Part 4) | Khalid Khairuddin

"I liked that journalist. He was great. No wonder he was voted best journalist," I said to Athirah. We were having sandwiches at the edge of Round Pond in Kensington Gardens. White swans and multi-coloured ducks were around us; they were busy eyeing the sandwiches that we were eating. I pinched a little piece off the end of my sandwich and threw the little morsel at a black swan near me. Other swans and ducks immediately rushed to snatch the piece of bread. Their antics were very amusing.

Athirah remained quiet. She had not uttered a single word since the interview. After Faez had left her office, I asked Athirah out for lunch. I bought her favourite sandwiches before heading for the pond. She merely followed without saying a word. I had almost finished my food by now, but Athirah's sandwiches were only half eaten; she was eating very slowly today.

"Are you okay?"

Athirah did not respond. No reaction.

"Are you angry?" I asked again. This time, she placed what was left of her current sandwich back in the paper bag before sighing softly.

"Why did you come, Khalid? Didn't I already tell you I was busy? That interview was important. Why did you push your way in on it?" Athirah wanted to know. She seemed displeased by my actions. My heart suffered a thousand wounds at every word she said.

"I only wanted to accompany you, and lessen your anxiety. Is that prohibited?" I explained in the best possible way. I kept my tone under control and hid my heart's disappointment. I did not wish to aggravate her. I did not like it when Athirah was displeased with me.

"You embarrassed me, Khalid. You made me look incompetent, as if I were unable to handle all of it by myself," Athirah revealed. My heart sank when I heard her say that. I felt like I was not needed; whatever support that I had given her had been a wasted effort. I turned to look at her, but her eyes were focused on the swans and ducks swimming on the pond in front of us.

"I did not mean to do that. My intentions were sincere. I only wanted to help," I explained to her. The interview had proceeded smoothly. Athirah had been articulate and spoke well, not once stammering. Faez was a natural at his job and managed to make her feel totally at ease, as if it were just a conversation between friends. I was thankful to Faez for inviting me to sit in on the interview, even though I was only at the side and smiled to extend some moral support to Athirah.

Yet, Athirah was embarrassed. She was embarrassed by my presence.

Athirah was silent again. I was deeply troubled as I tried to guess her feelings towards me. Was she really, truly angry? Was she disgusted? Unhappy with my actions?

"Athirah, I am sorry. I won't do that again." I made the decision to give in to her. But in truth, I would not have acted differently even if the clock was turned back; I would still have gone to her office this morning. However, right now, I needed to ask for her forgiveness. I needed to win over her heart. I did not like it when she was unhappy with me.

Moments later, Athirah spoke. This time, her voice was slower and softer. Her eyes were watery.

"Actually, I'm in two minds. I felt embarrassed to bring along a friend to the interview session. But, if you had not been there just now, I could have got so nervous until I became tongue-tied," confided Athirah, before she turned to look at me. "I appreciate the moral support that you gave, but next time let me know first, okay?"

I nodded. I understood her situation.

We were both silent for a moment. I was debating in my mind whether this was a good time to ask her. I had wanted to ask her sooner, but I lacked the courage. I was afraid of losing her friendship. Yet, if not now, when?

"If it is embarrassing to bring along a friend, how about a family member?" I asked her. I gathered the courage to look directly at her. My heart was pounding away abnormally fast as I awaited her reply.

"Mum won't join in. She's even more nervous than me. Once, she was so nervous that she spilled tea on a journalist..."

I touched her arm before interrupting her mid-sentence.

"Not your mother, but me."

"You?"

"I want to be a part of your family. I have great affection for you. I love you, Athirah."