Skating Back Home // Michael Clifford.

15.

hiiii idk a lot of y'all couldn't see the chapter so i'm re writing it :((( 

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He's gone. I kept telling myself. He's gone and he did not even call me for one last time. He just went. He didn't drop a final text message before stepping on the flight. It hurt, it hurt a lot. I hate him. I him so much. Or was I just lying to myself? Was I just deluding myself with the hatred towards him? I knew I loved him. He knew I loved him. How could he? How could he just walk away?

He knew me. He knew how dependent I was on him. He knew how happy he made me. He knew how broken I would be if he would walk away and he still chose to do just that?  It sucked. It sucked crying for someone who isn't even going to be there for me. Not anymore, at least. I agree that we had a fight, but that was it, right? Just a fight. It was a normal fight like normal couples have. We say things we don't mean and the next day we forget it. We forget what happened, and look for a new beginning. Then why did he take it so seriously? Why did he just...give up on me?

Our love story was sstupid. It took him so much time to realize that he wanted a real thing with me. His jealousy, anger, possessiveness, everything. He was perfect. At least perfect for me. Our story was one of the most annoying love story, I agree. We both annoyed each other, pissed each other off, all because we weren't sure. Neither of us. But however it was, it was perfect. It was crazy. Crazy of me to fall for a guy like him. It was real. It wasn't sugarcoated, fairy tale types. It was our story. But, what did it mean to him? Was I just another person now? Just another ex girlfriend. Was he even the same guy I fell for, anymore? Obviously not. Back then he was Michael - a teenage boy who was just a bit full of himself. Now he's Michael Clifford - the guitarist of 5 Seconds Of Summer. What am I to him, anyway?

His eyes never lied. I knew what we had was real. He wasn't fooling around. He never really did. Every I love you from him meant something. I knew it because his eyes never lied. And they did not lie while breaking up as well. He had meant the break up. All what he said - I never meant to hurt you, it's hard for me as well - all of that was just to be polite. He had meant to hurt me. He had meant to break my heart and rip my world apart. He just wanted to be free. He wanted to be single on this tour. He wanted to have the time of his life and I was in his way. He knew he made a decision of the break up a little too quickly but he seemed to be satisfied with it. He seemed to believe that it was the right thing.

And here I was, thinking about him at 2am. Oh, Michael. I love him, I dearly do. He's the only guy I've ever loved. And might as well be the last. I had learned a lesson. Relationships were just not my thing. This hurts, break ups hurt. It hurts a lot because it's my first one. It especially hurts because this time I know he won't come back. He was gone. For the best. For the tour. He had chosen fame over me.

I sighed and switched off my lamp and rolled over my sheets. I just hoped he was happy. And that he'd always be happy. I hope the sun shines and it's a beautiful day for him. I hope he achieves everything he's ever wanted, and, I also hope that when he reaches the top, the final spot of his success, I could only hope that he would remember me. He would remember how I was the one who was there for him when he had hit the ground, when he had heard no, when he had his extreme lows. I only just hope...

Maybe this was it. Maybe our love was only this strong. Maybe we could never achieve the kind of bond that Betty and Ashton have. Maybe we could never love each other as much as Luke and Amy. Maybe our time with each other was just this long. Maybe it's my time to move on and work towards my dream. Maybe be he was just another heartbreak in my life.

Maybe.

Maybe because, girls like me actually do not get to be with boys like Michael Clifford.