Skating Back Home // Michael Clifford.

4.

I was annoyed and sad and sad and just so sad. I was sitting on his bed with him and we were watching a movie, something that we did everyday. But today I was just too disturbed to even care what was going on in the movie. Who was she? Why did he still want to meet her and have her? Am I not enough? Am I just a rebound? I was so scared about Michael leaving now because I was truly attached to him, I know how lame that sounds but it would shatter me.

"Stop overthinking," I heard his voice, breaking me from my thoughts.

"About?" I asked him.

"Me," he muttered.

"Okay." I answered.

Stop overthinking about him. Right. As if. How am I not supposed to overthink about my boyfriend missing someone else in this relationship? Lol. It doesn't even matter to him, why do I care?

"Em," he sighed, "I can explain,"

"Right," I muttered.

"I'm just so irritated because there's no reaction! You're acting like you're not even bothered by it!" he snapped.

"I don't know what to say," I replied just calmly.

"Fuck off!"

"What's wrong with you?" I asked, "You never mentioned her before. I told you about the guy who harassed me sexually and you couldn't tell me about one fucking girlfriend of yours?"

"She was not my girlfriend!" he snapped, "She could never be my girlfriend! She was way out of my league,"

"Who was she then?" I snapped. I was not going to have him talk about some other girl being out of his league in front of me.

"She was this girl... She was like my best friend. I was in love with her, Emizie. But I couldn't tell her that. She died of cancer. She fucking died. I knew she was sick and I knew she wouldn't be around for long but I just fell in love, dammit!"

I was stunned. I did not say a word and he continued.

"And last week I got a call from her mom, I was still in contact with her mom but she had pushed me away, probably because she knew I was too fucking in love with her, because she did not want me to get hurt. But she did hurt me! She hurt me so much. The main reason why I even came to live here with Erin was because I wanted to get away from everything. Her mom called me and told me about how she died. She fucking died, Emizie. She left me, she left me!" he was in tears now. As much as I hated myself for making him go through that I couldn't blame myself. If he could have just told me beforehand and not hid the entire thing from me it would have been a lot easier for both of us.

"And I wrote that," he continued, "I wrote that because I missed her, okay? I missed her and she had a huge impact on me. So I wrote that, I just want her back. Somehow. I know its not possible and this isn't a movie, but I want her back!"

"You shifted here because you wanted to forget her," I finally spoke, "am I just a rebound? Do I mean something to you or you're just trying to get over her?"

He looked very hurt and I knew I looked like a bitch here but I needed to know if he's in this for real, because I was. "I love you," he said, "I fucking love you, Emizie. I just wrote that because in a way I wanted to not miss her. I just wanted to get rid of her thoughts haunting me and writing it down really helped," he explained.

"Why didn't you share this with me?" I asked again.

"Because I was scared of this." he said, "You know how much I suck at confrontations, I was just...scared. I did not want to cry and I did not want you to feel like you're in some kind of a competition because I am truly in love with you and I am not using you as a rebound. I promise,"

"I really trust you," I said, almost in tears, "and I am sorry I made you go through this. I love you. I was scared,"

He embraced me in a hug, "I trust you too. I love you. I really do. I am sorry to not confront and share this to you earlier. I was scared, too."

"You're not going to leave me, right?" I asked.

"Never. I won't and I can't. I can't live without having to cuddle next to you and sharing jerseys with you. I am so in love with you, I wish I could explained," he said. 

I smiled and looked up at him, "I'm so glad to have you in my life. I'm sorry I doubted you,"

He pecked my lips, "it was justified. I just dropped the bomb on you suddenly. I'm sorry,"

"Stop apologizing and kiss me," I said.

He grinned and then pressed his lips on mine, embracing me in a slow but passionate kiss.