Skating Back Home // Michael Clifford.

8.

When your insides hurt so badly that all you can do is curl up on the floor, remember when you felt the same way three years ago and think of all the times that you’ve fallen to the floor laughing so hard your stomach ached and remember the times you’ve curled up under a blanket with your friends and a warm drink and you had bruises on your back from snowball fights and failed attempts at snow surfing. This will not be the last time you feel like dying but yesterday was also not the last time you will smile and please don’t let the depths of your sadness stunt the reach of your happiness because you can be both. Happy people do not lack this ocean of pain inside their stomachs. When people ask how you are you can tell them that you are both happy and sad, and angry and tired and excited and warm. Tell them that you are everything that you have ever felt and one feeling does not erase the others. Let your emotions grow inside you, sprout from your stomach and cover your toes and your fingertips. Let them reach up your throat and fucking sob and laugh and know that it is okay to be everything you are and feel everything you feel. Those feelings grow from the same seed and tomorrow when you hug someone you can tell them that there are vines growing inside you that are thick as ropes and the more you feel, the stronger they grow and next time you feel so sad you might die, remember that you are just watering the plants because they cannot live off of sunlight alone. I got up from the ground that I had been laying on crying for hours. This was my life and I was going to live it. Just because my boyfriend was a douchebag I couldn't lose faith in everything. Just because things go a little offtrack here and there doesn't mean my life sucks and there won't be a better tomorrow. Even the sun sets, but it never sets forever. It rises the next day. Even phoenix burn to death but they come alive from their own ashes. This was my time to get alive from all the ashes I had been burned into.

I finally got my emotions together and went back home and I wasn't surprised to see Michael sitting on my bed in my bedroom.

"Where were you?" he got up from his bed and rushed to hug me, "I was so worried,"

"I wasn't going to die, don't worry," I pushed him away.

"Emizie," he sighed, "I didn't mean that,"

"Whatever you meant," I rolled my eyes.

"Are you really going to be bitchy with me?" he asked.

I couldn't take him seriously, he was such an asshole. I knew he was provoking me to get all worked up so he could have his desired make up sex but sex wasn't going to fix this.
"Well, after all that you have done? Yes, I am," I replied calmly.

"You literally act as if you don't even love me anymore," he muttered.

"That's true," I shrugged, "I don't,"

I was totally lying. I loved him so much and being mad at him was breaking my heart.

“I wonder if five years down the road you’ll wake up hugging your pillow thinking of me," he muttered.
"What do you mean?" I raised an eyebrow.

"I mean, if you're already over me, I wonder if one day you would think about me and would want to come back to me," he said.

"I think I won't," I said.

"Yeah," he shook his head. He was so cute when he was hurt or upset, his face was small and red, I'M SO EVIL. He continue, "I wish you all the best in this life because I love you too goddamn much to ever want you anything but happy,"

"You love me?" I asked with an intimidating look.

"I'm not finished," he said.

"Fine, continue,"