a/n also sorry it switches pov a lot because i had some tell me i should do it more. plus it makes more sense in my little brain if i write it like that
⚠️ SELF HARM⚠️
billies pov: i scream and drop to my knees as i see tana covered in blood and a razor blade drop out of her hand. what was going through her mind, this was all my fault. "what are you doing tana look at your arm," i started to cry as a grabbed a towel and put pressue on her wounds. "why are you helping me," she whispered as her voice broke. i didn't care that i was crying now my main goal is to make sure she is okay and to stop her bleeding. "because i care about you, you saved my life before and now i'm here to save yours" i say through the tears and she keeps pressure on her cuts. i look for a first aid kit and grab a bandage out. i start cleaning her arm up a bit trying to wipe
some one the blood away. shes lucky. if it was any deeper she would've needed stitches. i start to wrap a bandage round her arm so we can control it when she says something that makes my heart shatter into a million peaces.
tanas pov:
i'm just starring at my arm watching billie wrap it when i get the courage to ask her. "why do you really care. i mean we aren't even friends i'm just some annoying fan that's in the way of your tour and your normal life." i look away from billie as i said that. i don't want to see her face. it's either gonna be broken or blank and i can't bare with either. i just watch her continue to wrap my arm. it stayed silent for the last two minutes it took her to wrap my arm. i finally look up at her and when i do i feel her hands grab my cheeks.....
billies pov:
i grabbed tanas cheeks and kissed her. she didn't kiss back at first but when she realised what was going on she did. why did i kiss her. maybe i do like her... we lean out of kis, she just looks at me, i was trying to read to emotion on her face but it came out with nothing. "what's that for?" tana asked. "what made you think we weren't friends. i really care about you tana, i haven't known you for long but i really care about you. i want to always make you feel okay and safe, i don't like seeing you hurt it hurts me and i think i know why now," i paused and took a deep breath in " i think i like you tana like like you tana" i paused and looked to the ground not wanting to see her reaction. she placed her knuckle under my chin so i have to look into her beautiful eyes. "i like you too billie," she whispered as she leaned in for another kiss. holy shit. her lips are so soft, like clouds. i pulled away again, i have to ask her i need to know. "why did you cut?" i hesitantly asked, "because, never mind it's stupid i'm stup-" "you are not stupid you needed a release from what ever was going though your precious little mind, please tell me what's wrong" i cut her off. "i- when you lied to me, not because you lied to me this isn't your fault i promise, anyways my brain kept telling me all these thoughts that i'm nothing to you except an annoying fan who's just ruined everything for you and it hurt that i wasn't important or some one special," she finished, glaring at the ground where all the blood was, "i'm sorry i lied to you, i didn't know how you felt or anything and i didn't want to ruin our friendship by having these complicated feelings, i should've told you the truth but i was scared and i'm sorry" i whisper alsmost crying again.
~time skip 7pm~
tanas pov:
we had cleaned up the mess from my arm and just watched the office for a few hours. we had ordered in taco bell and billie managed to eat seven burritos like wtaf. how does she not have a bellyache jesus christ. she left about ten minutes. i'm about to fall asleep again when the oreo dropped his bone off the sofa and onto the laminate floor.
billies pov:
i'd left tanas about ten minutes ago when i realised i left my phone in her bathroom from earlier. i walk into her house to the same situation i did this morning. she crying her eyes out, shaking and screaming. i rush over to her again hugging her and rubbing her trying to get her out of this horrible flash backs. it's all my fault she's in this mess. "mamas mamas breathe breathe you'll be okay, you're okay just breathe" nothing was working. i had a stupid idea, i didn't know if it was going to work but it was all i had left. i leaned in to kiss her. instantly her breathing slowed right down, she clung on to me and melted into the kiss. i pulled away and stared into her eyes, they were red and puffy, cheeks were swollen. she flashed me a smile before leaning into my chest again. i'm not leaving. not again. i can't leave her, if she has another flash back no one is here to calm her down. "hey tana, i'm gonna crash here if that's alright with you, i don't want to leave you on your own again incase that happens again. i just need to call my mum and ask her if it's okay," i asked her although it turned more into a statement. she just hummed into my chest.
