a/n i forgot about this again i'm sorry (not like none of yall are reading this shit anyways lmao)
⚠️ SELF HARM PLEASE DONT READ IF YOU GET TRIGGERED YOU MENTAL WELL BEING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN A STUPID BOOK ⚠️
billie pov:
im still at tanas. it's been 4 hours since i came back. i can't stop replaying the moment when i walked in. honestly it was so sad. she was just crying and screaming, she couldn't hear me she was gone almost. she's fast asleep on my chest right now. fuck she's so cute. wait what. that can't be right i mean she is cute but im straight i can't like her. i can hear her little snores out of her perfect mouth oh how i could kis- wtf is wrong with you billie enough. i. am. straight. she's also wearing this really cute onesie, it's like polka dots in pink and white. her hair is a
mess across her face but it doesn't matter she seems peaceful. damn i could get used to this.
tanas pov:
i woke up on billie chest imbetween her legs with her arms around me. i think she's asleep but i don't dare move incase she is. her breathing is her relaxed so imma assume she is asleep. she just snored a little too. it's cute af. whilst billie was out yesterday i came to terms that i had a crush on billie. it's a big one but i think it's mostly because i saved her life and i just feel connected to her almost. i hope these feelings die down soon though, i don't want it to ruin whatever we have. i don't know if we are friends or if i'm just a fan who saved her i don't know. i don't want to ask her because it seems rude to be all like "oh yeah are we friends or not" i mean it's gonna be awkward if she doesn't think we are friends. "hey mamas," a familiar but quite raspy voice whispered in my ear. i geuss she's awake now. her raspy voice is so hot though like what the actual fuck, how come she sounds all hot and sexy and i sound like a frog, "mamas?" billie asked again she knew i was awake because i moved slightly, "yeah i'm amazing acctually, sorry i fell asleep on you i didn't mean to" i said quite quickly and blushing to match a tomato. i kept glancing at my rings and the floor praying my blush would subside soon. "it's okay don't worry about it ba- mamas i don't mind at all" she reassured me, wait go back a minute. what was she about to call me? it sounded almost as if she had gone to call me baby, but stopped herself. i quickly roll over so i can look into her eyes. "what were you going to call me?" i asked kinda with dominance, i'm not usually the dominant type but something overtook me. "i- uhh nothing i said mamas" billie quicky said all flustered and blushing.
billies pov:
i fucked up. i fucked up big time. i think i love tana. i don't know for sure. i mean she's hot, she cute and funny as hell but i mean she saved my life is this guilt in my head making me think that i love her? no it wouldn't be this strong surely. i almost said baby and now she's turned round and asked me what i said. i double fucked. "are you sure on that little billie" she asked me, she sounds hella hot and seductive, "yeah i'm sure" i reply stunning her. i found my confidence back. "okay then billie" she smiles and rolls off me. she's got me in a mood now. not okay.
tanas pov:
i knew she was lying. i don't know why she was lying but i decided to leave it be because maybe we aren't friends like i thought. maybe i am just another fan. i smiles as i walked away from her trying to not show how hurt i was. i was hurt. a lot. not because she was lying, i mean yes that kinda hurt but i don't care, it's more the thought flooding my brain about how maybe she doesnt wanna be my friend, i'm just some annoying fan who's causing her trouble because i got shot at her show. i slipped into the bathroom in my bedroom. i slid down the cold tiles and started to let out some silent tears. it hurt. it hurt a lot. i think it hurts more than my gunshot wound. i looked at the draw. the draw with my razor blades in. i needed a release and quick. i need all this pain to just go away. all the thoughts trapped in my brain need to leave. i dugg the blade into my arm quite deep. the blood started to drip onto the floor. i did another deep one watching the blood fall from my arm onto my white tiles, the blade turning crimson red. one more cut, another one, just a few more, why not two more it won't make a difference. i just watch the blood drip from all my cuts. these were bad. very bad but i didn't care, it was numbing the emotional pain, all the pain from inside my mind was disappearing whilst i focused on my arm. i heard a scream and dropped the blade....
a/n still have no clue where this is going in the long run sorry :/
