unexpected - ruel van dijk

you can tell me

i stare hesitantly at ruel lying down in the inside of the boot of his car,  i'm over-analysing the situation because i don't want to make anything awkward. the boot is filled with cushions and blankets and it looks so god damn comfy.

"you coming in or what?" ruel laughs. i smile back, he has this twinkle in his eye that automatically makes me feel at ease.

"damn don't rush me" i joke as i climb into the boot. i lay down on the cushions and my blonde hair kind of just spreads out beneath my neck messily. ruel pulls out an acoustic guitar from underneath one of the blankets. "where the fuck did you pull that from" i laugh. ruel smiles.

"i've been writing some songs lately, and i was wondering if i could play one for you?" he asks. "i might even be releasing them with my ep later this year" he says "but you can't tell anyone. god damn why can't i keep a secret from you?" he adds. i laugh.

"of course," i tell him. "i'd love to hear it!"

"bear with me," he looks down and smirks at the guitar. "i'm not really that good on guitar" he  starts to strum a simple melody.

my eyes are shut
sleep too much
probably should get up, but what's the rush?
brush my teeth
but not my hair
i used to for you but now i don't care

damn, his voice is so beautiful. it's so rich and has such a beautiful depth. it cascades over me in an almost velvet-like fashion.

watching the clock from the sofa
i just wish you would come over

he strums his guitar with such immense concentration. a strand of hair falls in his face.

all of my friends said don't worry i promise you'll be fine
now I'm alone and i'm lost in my phone with this free time

these lyrics are actually so beautiful, my heart begins to pound and nostalgic emotions come rushing back into my brain about my last relationship.

i used to spend it with you
all of the stupid shit we used to do
now that you're tied up
i'm tired of all of this free time

before he's even sung half of the song, tears begin to well in my eyes. my chest feels tight and i look out of the car boot at the waves rolling over each other in the ocean. the tears begin to escape my eyes. i look over at ruel who is so concentrated on his singing. he has his eyes shut and his face is contorting as he reaches the bridge of the song.

i'm tired of all of this freedom,
thought it was all that i needed
thought i'd be cool with you leaving
maybe i was wrong
crazy since you're gone

he strums his guitar even more aggressively before as he reaches the last chorus.

all of my friends said don't worry i promise you'll be fine
but now i'm alone and i'm lost in my phone with this free time
i used to spend it with you
all of the stupid shit we used to do
now that you're tied up
i'm tired of all of this free time

fat, heavy tears are rolling down my cheeks at this point. ruel looks up, his cheeky smirk is wiped off his face when he sees my tear stained cheeks.

"no-no-no- brynne don't cry!" he says as he lifts his guitar over his head and puts it to the side.

"i'm okay-" i say half-heartedly as i sniff. ruel looks me dead in the eyes, and my bottom lip quivers again. "i-" i'm interrupted as i unwillingly burst into tears again. ruel shuffles over towards me and envelopes me in a hug. i sob into his shoulder as he strokes the back of my head. eventually i calm down a bit.

"i didn't know i sounded that bad" ruel remarks. my laugh is muffled by his shoulder. i back up. "did it hit a sore spot?" he asks me. 

"kind of-" i say, as i look down.

"i'm sorry," he says. "do you want to talk about it?" he asks me.  "you can tell me anything" he says.

"it's just my ex" i say. i sound so fucking pathetic. i just openly sobbed into a guy's shoulder about my ex boyfriend. wow.

"if you don't mind me asking," ruel says. "how did you guys break up?'

"he broke up with me" i say. "but it was really toxic. we don't talk anymore" i explain.

"that fucking sucks" ruel says. i nod as i wipe my nose on my sleeve. i don't even want to imagine how gross i look.

"it wasn't the relationship that i was so upset to lose" i say. "it was the friendship" ruel nods slowly. "i had been best friends with him my whole life almost. literally since kindergarten."

"damn. that's so fucking sad" ruel tells me. his eyes are filled with empathetic pain.

"him and his friends  bully me at school as well now," i add, "which doesn't help matters" ruel looks at me, his expression truly shows how disgusted he is.

"you can do so much better" he tells me. i nod slowly. 

"it's just i'm so scared of opening myself up again" i say. "i'm so scared of getting hurt, and being faced with having too much free time"

"i understand" ruel nods. "i've been in a couple of relationships." he says. "dating is intense. you truly have to find someone who you really click with" he smiles sadly at me.

"yeah, but i've kind of come to the realisation that i don't really click with anyone" i say. ruel grabs my hand.

"don't say that" he says. "you'll find someone." he squeezes my hand. "i promise." i smile at him. he has a way of making me feel so at ease.

"thank you" i say as i give him a long hug. 

"it's okay brynne" ruel replies. 

"by the way i actually loved the song" i gush. "although it would sound sick if it was played on an electric guitar instead of an acoustic one." ruel nods his head slowly and begins to smile.

"that's actually such a sick idea" he exclaims.

"what can i say?" i remark. "i'm just a musical prodigy."

"you really are" ruel laughs, as we both smile, lie and watch the waves roll onto the sand at manly beach.

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bit of an emo chapter this one! hope you  enjoyed reading it.

i have a really strong idea of where this story is going and i really hope y'all will like it too. i'm so hella excited!

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