unexpected - ruel van dijk

oh

as quickly as it had started, it's over.

he hates me. i'm sure of it. i've ruined everything. 

at the moment he's touring in europe and i'm lying here on my bed in sydney with tears brimming my eyes. 

i had just started to like him, and then i had to overreact. his intentions were kind, but i took it the wrong way. 

he had just come off stage, after declaring his support to me to his whole audience. he told them about my anxiety. this triggered something inside of me which i couldn't control. i lost it.

i called him out. i yelled at him. i told him i wished i had nothing to do with him. i watched my words impale him as if they were knives. he started to apologise as his sister watched from behind. his eyes filled with tears.

that's when i realised i had done it. i had screwed everything up, just like i had every other time. i had something so special with ruel, and now i have gone and literally ruined it.

now i lie. staring at my roof. how i wish i could rewind time and go back to two nights ago in perth. but there's literally nothing i can do. 

i turn onto my stomach and let my face bury itself in my pillow, until it feels like i'm being suffocated. i begin to sob. the cries are wracking my entire body. i lift myself from my bed and take deep breaths in between the tears. i pick up my phone and see that i have a missed call from coco. i gather myself together and call her, expecting the worst.

the phone rings a few times before she answers.

"brynne?" she says.

"hey coco," i say softly.

"are you okay?!" she says. "i am so sorry about the other night"

"yeah i'm good," i say. it's so obvious i have been crying. and coco can tell.

"you're crying" she says. i say nothing. "brynne?" she asks again.

"yeah, i'm fine coco. trust me" i tell her. you can hear the lack of truth painted all over my voice.

"you're not." she says. "i'm coming over."

"coco..." i say as she hangs up the line. i sigh as i heave myself out of bed. it's a rainy tuesday night. the wind howls outside of my bedroom window. i'm home alone because my parents and my brother are at some sporting competition. i order a burger for dinner and some gelato for dessert on ubereats. before long i hear coco's car pull into my driveway. i watch her get out of her car from my bedroom window and walk towards my front door.

i walk down my stairs and open the door just before she rings the doorbell.

"i'm sorry" she says, an apologetic smile is painted kindly on her face. i open the door and she embraces me in a warm hug. i let a few loose tears slip from my eyes.

"i feel so stupid" i say weakly. "he didn't deserve it"

"you were both in the wrong" coco says. "he didn't need to share your story like that, especially when he knew how personal it is" she pulls away from the hug and looks me in the eyes. "brynne. it's not your fault," i smile half-heartedly.

"i guess" i say.

"come on," coco says as she walks into my living room. "we're watching a movie" i check my phone to see how long the uber driver will be. my dinner is supposed to arrive in about two minutes. 

"hold up" i say "i just have to wait for my dinner to arrive" i tell her.

"i'll pick out a movie," coco calls from the other room. soon enough the uber driver arrives and gives me my burger. i decide to wait for the gelato as well, because it only arrives a couple of minutes after the burger. i put the gelato in the freezer as i walk back to coco in the living room. she's made herself at home and is ready to put on the movie clueless. i crash down on the lounge next to her and start eating my burger.

"i have an idea" coco tells me.

"what?" i ask her, in between mouth fulls of food.

"you should go surprise him" she says.

"enough with all the surprises," i groan. "he literally hates me" i tell her.

"he literally doesn't" coco replies, mocking my tone. "do you know he's not playing free time on this tour because it's too emotional for him?" she asks me. "he can't play it because it reminds him of you." i stare at coco, my burger still in my hands.

"what do you mean?" i ask her.

"brynne, he really likes you." she tells me. "sometimes he just has a hard time with... showing it in the right way" 

"but i was so rude-" i begin.

"he understands" she tells me. "he hit a nerve. and he felt so bad afterwards." she says. "he literally didn't talk after you left early.

"i feel so bad" i say.

"don't." coco tells me. "fly to europe with me to surprise him on tour. he wants to see you. i promise"

"are you sure?" i ask her.

"i'm sure." she says. her eyes are telling me how desperately she wants me to go. i don't understand how ruel could possibly still hold any respect for me after how i treated him in perth. but if everything coco said is true, maybe he is worth flying halfway across the world for?

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hey guys! sorry i haven't updated in a while, i've had a lot going on at school with exams coming up and stuff.

but anyway, i hope you like where this is going. if you did like this chapter please don't forget to vote and comment! it means so much to read all of your lovely comments.

i'm so excited for the free time ep to be released in a week. it's gonna be hecking good. especially since i'll be able to hear the studio version of free time and unsaid :")

anyway, thank u so much for reading!!

xx