I Understand Now (Ricky Dillon Fanfiction)

Chapter 26

~2 MONTHS LATER~

Ricky's POV.

Two months.

Two goddamn months. That's how long it's been since I could call Ellie my girlfriend. And man, it feels like so much longer than that.

I still remember that day. I feel like that day, that moment, that scene, has been written into my memory in permanent marker and is never going to leave my mind. I want to be rid of it. I want to stop thinking about it and move on, but I can't. There is no moving on from Ellie, and there never will be. I can't heal-the scars are still too fresh.

Almost every night since that day, I've had dreams about her. We are sitting on some grass together by a river, with a picnic blanket and some food. Ellie is laughing at something stupid I just said, and I can't help but notice the way her eyes shimmer as she does so. Her blonde bob with pink highlights frames her face so perfectly, it's hard not for me to smile at how beautiful she is.

"I wish we could stay here forever," she sighs.

"We can," I reply.

But deep down I know we can't, because then I wake up and I am alone in my bed. For once I wish my bed was smaller, so I don't have to stare at the blatantly obvious empty space next to me every time I open my eyes, even though it's irrelevant. I can't stop thinking about her. When I wake up in the morning, I see Ellie. When I look in the mirror, I see Ellie. On the way to school, I see Ellie. Throughout the school day, I see Ellie. When I go to bed, I see Ellie. And when I see Ellie, I am reminded of that day, and I have to force myself to stop looking at her extreme beauty, just so I don't have to relive the worst moment of my life. She looks so happy whenever I see her. Happy without me.

I sit at my dining table, gazing downwards and munching on a piece of toast, which I only eat because I know I have to, even though I've lost my appetite over the last two months. I feel like nothing has a purpose anymore, now that Ellie has moved on but I haven't. I'm literally losing my will to live.

"Ricky?"

I look up and see that my younger sister, Christina, has entered the room, still in her pyjamas. She is looking at me in a worried way.

"You've barely even spoken for ages," she says. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," I lie, fake smiling. "Thanks for asking." Christina rolls her eyes.

"I'm your sister, Ricky," she says. "You know I'm not going to buy that." She sits down next to me and I turn to face her. "Are you sure everything's okay?" She asks again. I sigh and shake my head.

"No, it's not," I reply. "But I really don't want to talk about it, if that's okay." Christina nods.

"That's fine," she assures me. "I was just wondering. I don't like to see my big brother get upset." She offers me a small smile, and I smile back and hug her. It feels good to know that someone's supporting me here.

"How old are you now?" I ask her as I pull away.

"Fourteen," she answers proudly. I shake my head and smile.

"Going on twenty five," I remark.

Ellie's POV.

Two months.

That's how long it's been since I caught Ricky sitting with Sarah. I screamed at him. I told him how upset I was, and I told him that we needed a break from each other. Ricky seemed so depressed when I walked away from him two months ago. He probably thinks I'm a bitch. Little does he know, I regret every word that came out of my mouth, and have since the moment I was back inside when I left him standing alone. I don't regret choosing to take a break from our relationship, but I didn't know how long the break would be. As it turns out, I've been too shy to tell Ricky how regretful I am for the past two months. And it's eating away at my insides.