I Understand Now (Ricky Dillon Fanfiction)

Chapter 28

{One of my favourite songs is referenced in the first paragraph, so comment if you can guess what song it is ;) there might be more than one, but only one was deliberate.}

I start crying as I walk away from Ricky. Sudden, unwanted, unexpected tears that begin to pour down my face before I realise it. It takes me a moment to identify why I'm crying. Then I realise it's because though he isn't mine, Ricky was my first love. He was my first love and my first heartbreak. It hasn't even been 3 months yet, and I already feel like I can't imagine my life without him. He is all I think about, night and day, for better or worse. I don't want him. I need him.

I turn back around, and luckily Ricky hasn't walked very far. I decide I need to go back to him, one last time. I don't care what he says, what we do, anything. I need to be with him one more time before he leaves me.

"Ricky!" I call out, my voice barely carrying on the wind. But he hears me, because he turns around and looks at me. He looks sad at first, but a smile creeps across his face when he realises that I am coming back for him. I run to him and practically throw myself into his arms, and he is welcoming to me.

"I love you," he murmurs close to my ear. The words send shivers down my spine.

"I love you," I reply before pulling away. Ricky looks into my eyes, and I look back into his. His unmoving gaze entrances me. I barely remember anything between the moment I am staring into his eyes, and the moment my lips are against his. As soon as we make contact, I feel like we are back in the library, all those months ago when Ricky was the new kid, and we kissed for the first time. So much has changed since then, it's almost as if we are different people. As difficult as our relationship has been, I wouldn't change or take back any of it for a billion dollars.

His tongue slips into my mouth slowly, and I love that he's taking this further than he did last time. This is a new experience for both of us, and it makes me want more. I place my hands on his shoulders as he hugs me by my waist, and I massage his shoulders a little before he pulls away. He looks into my eyes again, but my vision is blurred from crying. Luckily, I'm wearing contact lenses.

"I'm gonna miss you so much," I whisper. "What am I supposed to do without you?" Ricky runs his thumb along the bottom of my eye to wipe away a tear that is about to fall.

"Whatever the hell you want to," he replies with a smile. "No one's stopping you from doing anything." I laugh a little.

"I know, but I mean....I need you here with me. I don't know how I'm supposed to even function when you're on the other side of the world and not next to me." Ricky's expression turns serious.

"Where was this two months ago?" He asks.

I blink at him. "What? What's that supposed to mean?"

"Two months ago, you wanted nothing to do with me because I had a female friend other than you," he reminds me. "Now I'm leaving and you're all over me again."

Ouch. That one hurt. "Things are different now," I retort. "I didn't want to break up with you when I saw you with Sarah. I was just really shocked because you know how sensitive I am with the whole relationship thing, so I thought it would be good for both of us to take a break. A break isn't a period of time where we just don't date for a while. It's a time to think things through, and start afresh when the break's over. The break is over now, and I love you. Can't you just accept that instead of being rude about it?"

"Oh, I'm sorry," Ricky says, folding his arms. "I didn't realise that I was so rude to you, that you needed a freaking break from me."

"That's not what I said!" I shout. "It wasn't you, like specifically you, that I wanted to take a break from. It was our relationship. Yeah, you hurt me. Yeah, I made that decision after seeing you with Sarah. And yeah, I did what I did mostly because of you. But that doesn't mean I didn't like you. I just didn't like the situations we kept getting into. Nothing was your fault."