worlds apart || j.jk + p.jm

17

To: far_away_oceans0901@gmail.com
From: thecalicocat95@gmail.com
Subject:
Sent: Sunday, December 6th, 2018

i think there used to be something going on between us... but i don't really feel that way about you. you're my friend. my best friend. whatever you label yourself or not label yourself and whoever you love or don't love - that's all up to you. no one else.

it's okay to be confused. it's okay to be scared. i was before i came out. it was terrifying. but there's no rush at all, kookie. there should be no rush to figure out who you are or who you love or what you want to do. it's all up to you and for you to decide.

you never have to worry about telling me anything. i'm always here.

please stop saying sorry, okay? it makes me feel like a bad friend or a bad person. i don't want you to ever feel sorry for telling me anything or for doing anything you feel is best or good for you.

so... you liked the kiss? i don't think you specified that enough... hmm... lol

do you like her? does she like you? have you guys talked about it?

also, the reason i haven't been messaging you or anything is because i've been busy with finishing everything before winter/Christmas break. i'm going home a few days before Christmas to spend time with my family.

are you spending Christmas alone? i really hope not.

- Calico

                                _________

The truth was, Jimin had been either sulking about Jungkook or just trying to distract himself from thinking about what he told him.

Of course, there was something between the two that none of them spoke up about, but knew was there. They both felt it and they both liked the feeling, but were scared to say anything, not really knowing what the other actually felt.

Typical romance stuff that you read in books or see in movies or TV shows.

Jimin lied when he said he didn't feel the same way he did when they started talking. He still felt that way. Maybe even stronger.

But he didn't want to tell Jungkook that. He couldn't. Jungkook didn't know his feelings and he didn't know Jungkook's, so he lied. He didn't want to upset him, either. He was already going through enough. Jimin felt that he would've only made things more complicated.

After reading his message, he just kept re-reading it. He didn't know why, maybe he just liked torturing himself.

He was never angry at Jungkook. He couldn't be. Why would he be? The boy was still trying to figure out who he is and Jimin understood that. He was just simply sad. Hurt.

He hated himself for some reason. He just couldn't pinpoint that exact reason.

If he wasn't at work or school, he was either drinking with Maya or crying in Taehyung's arms or just sitting in comfortable silence with Yoongi as he worked on his music.

Jimin already had trouble sleeping, so with this making him anxious, he couldn't even close one eye. He tried to cuddle with Moonie, but that didn't help. He tried to listen to the new playlist Jungkook made him, and that sure as hell didn't help. He took his walk around the freezing apartment building, which usually helps him feel tired. But when he got back to his apartment, he found himself still wide awake.

When he was with Maya they would drink and talk - they'd talk about food, home, love, TV shows... everything. Jimin didn't want to drink so much that he made himself sick, and Maya was there to monitor him. She knew where to stop him and when is was time to take him home. She knew there was something he wasn't telling her. But she didn't want to pry or force him to tell her.

He would sit in Yoongi's room as the boy worked on his music and he would just listen to the beats coming from the speakers. Sometimes Yoongi would speak and ask him about what was going on and he's give him advice. But Yoongi wasn't the one to be nosy or find his way into other people's business. He always minded his own and believed that everyone else should too.

Jimin only told his friends that he was talking to a guy who he was starting really like and the guy had turned him down for someone else.

It was the twisted (very twisted) truth. A lie that wasn't a lie... just a twisted truth.

Taehyung was the one he was closest too, though. They talked to one another about everything. But he felt that he just couldn't bring himself to tell Taehyung about Jungkook. Because, like he'd written, he wanted to keep Jungkook to himself. He felt he was too special to share with others.

Jimin had never really been in the best relationships. And he'd been in plenty. And they all ended pretty badly. It was never Jimin, though. It was always the guys who were the douchebags.

And because of those heartbreaks, Jimin just felt himself growing smaller and smaller and more insecure about himself. He felt that he wasn't good enough and he was almost scared to even fall for anyone else.

But that was hard for him to do Jimin is someone who just wants to be loved and held and poured over with attention. He falls so easily because he feels that he needed someone to validate him. He needed someone to love him just as much as he loved them or maybe even more.

It scared him sometimes when he would sit and realize that he's so dependent on others. He hated himself for that - he hated himself for a lot of things.

Jungkook was different, though. In so many ways. He just seemed like a breath of fresh air for Jimin - someone so pure and beautiful (not just outside but also inside. Jungkook seemed like the person who people loved because he loved life and people. He had been through a lot and he's still going through so much, even things he hadn't told Jimin about. But he's still smiling and being positive. Jimin loved that about him. He was just so nice. He actually cared.

But he didn't know Jimin.

He only knew Calico.

He doesn't know what Jimin looks like because Jimin doesn't want him to be disappointed with what he sees. He doesn't want him to know his name because he thinks it would make things different. He liked not being Jimin, but Calico. They were the same person, but one was almost anonymous. Jungkook knee nothing about Jimin. He only knew who Calico was.

And Jimin wanted to keep it that way for a long time.

But a part of him really wanted to share who he was with Jungkook. Maybe things would be different if he were to.

He wasn't sure if that different would be good or bad.

And then he'd pretend that part of him didn't exist and hoped that nothing would ever be different or change between them.

Jungkook was too special to him. He couldn't lose him.