Confessions (Chaelisa)

Chapter 2

Lisa found it odd that she didn't want mass to end. She wasn't very open to the idea of church itself, but the way Jisoo, the girl with lips to match the color of her hair, and the rest of the choir carried themselves made her a bit curious.

She had to admit, music in all forms was beautiful. While the choir was singing, the others in mass joined along, quiet enough to not drown out the people that spent hours practicing. Quiet enough to not drown out the soloists. Some people had their eyes closed, their bodies swaying back and forth, some holding hands with the people next to them. Lisa loved the unity, but it didn't take long for Lisa to remember the Bible didn't. One look at her parents reminded her of the hatred she had witnessed and come into close contact with all throughout high school and at home this past week.

"That was fun, wasn't it? You liked it, didn't you?" Lisa knew her mother meant for that to be a question, but it sounded more like a statement. It sounded like she was trying to convince herself her daughter was beginning to see the light, and it wouldn't be long before she brought a man home, expressing how silly it was for her to think she was something like a lesbian. Lisa's parents watched her intently, waiting for her answer. Lisa's gaze flickered between them a couple of times. Now was the time for them to say they're joking. That it was time to go home. That they'd never drag her into a church by her wrist again.

That never happened, of course.

"Excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom." She mumbled under her breath, brushing past her parents quickly. She could hear them call her name a couple times, but with her better judgement, she decided to act like the chatter within the church kept her from hearing them.

Once she found the bathroom, she rushed to the counter, gripping the edges of it and looking at herself in the mirror. She let out a shaky breath, her knuckles beginning to turn white from holding onto the granite so tightly.

Why couldn't her parents just be accepting? Why couldn't they be like Seulgi's parents? Sure, it took Seulgi's father awhile to get used to the fact Seulgi was gay, but he adjusted to it eventually and he sure as hell never dragged her to a church in an attempt to purify her. Seulgi's mother didn't look at her differently for a second, the first question she asked not, "Are you sure this isn't a phase?" but instead, "Do you have a girlfriend?" To be normalized in your home in a country that already was ashamed of you must be so beautiful. To have a safe space where you know you aren't judged must be so beautiful.

In this moment, Lisa was angry at Seulgi.

She knew she shouldn't be. She knew it wasn't Seulgi's fault her parents were literally perfect. She knew it wasn't her fault that she could bring home a girlfriend without there being an awkward silence over the dinner table and a, "Pack your bags."

But God, she was angry.

"Are you okay?" Lisa jumped at the soft voice, one of her hands releasing the countertop and pressing against her chest.

"Jesus Christ!" Lisa paused, looking at the other girl through the mirror. Jisoo. The girl whose parents ran the church. "Oh, sorry?"

Maybe using the Lord's name in vain would get her kicked out. That was really being hopeful, though.

"No, no. It's fine. But really, are you okay?" Jisoo put a hand over the one that was still gripping the edge and Lisa's hold on it softened a bit.

"Um, yeah. Yeah, I'm fine." Lisa removed her hand from under Jisoo's, using both to straighten out her shirt.

"You're Lisa, right? My parents told me about you before church started." Jisoo offered a kind smile, stepping back a little to give Lisa space.

Lisa nodded and let out a big breath, leaning back on the counter slowly.