Over the next few weeks, Em and Ibecame close as she helped me gain control over Balthazar. I feltgood about my progress until the night he decided to make his moveagainst her.
I lay awake, as usual, listeningto Anders snore softly. My left palm refused to stop itching and Iscratched it incessantly until Balthazar spoke up. That'snot going to stop, pet.
Why the hell are you making myhand itch? Is it just some new form of amusement to you? A new way totorture me? Igroaned, looking at my reddened palm.
Pick up your dagger, heinstructed.
The thought to resist never evencrossed my mind. I slipped my hand under my pillow and closed myfingers around the hilt of my dagger. The cold metal felt like heavenagainst the itchy flesh of my palm. What'sthis all about? Iasked, admiring the gilded craftsmanship.
You're going to visitEmmeline, he said, adevious lilt to his voice.
It was as if I was in a trance.Still staring reverently at the dagger, I said, Okay.
He chuckled as I extricatedmyself from beneath Anders' head and slipped into my oversizeshirt. I tip toed softly to the door and moved like a shadow into thehallway. My body moved of its own accord to the room where Emmelinehad been living. Goinside, Balthazarurged eagerly.
His urgency and excitementstirred me from the trance. Whatthe hell? I askedangrily. Why am Ioutside Em's room?
She must be quelled, Balthazarsaid nonchalantly.
You're insane, Isaid, noticing the dagger in my hand. I tried to throw it away andflee, but my muscles wouldn't move. DammitBalthazar, don't make me do this!
You don't have a choice,he said matter-of-factly. Nowopen the door and go inside.
I saw myself reaching for thedoor handle and opening the door. I watched as I walked over to herbedside and pulled back her blankets. She stirred and rolled onto herback. The nightgown she wore was sheer and left little to theimagination as it clung to her skin. Balthazar reacted with pleasure,making me writhe.
Such a shame that a specimenso lovely must die, hecommented as he forced me to climb atop her, effectively pinning herto the bed. She stirred and looked up into my eyes as I raised mydagger over my head.
"Balthazar!" She gasped.
I fought with everything I had ashe used my voice. "It's time I was free of your meddling, witch."
She caught my wrist as he broughtthe knife down toward her heart. My resistance and hers combined,served as enough to keep it from burying hilt deep in her chest. Shelooked straight into my eyes with her crystalline irises. "Anastasia!No!" her free hand came up to caress my cheek gently. Her wordswere soft and pleading yet stern.
I railed against Balthazar,angrily pounding against the door he'd locked me behind inside myhead. Finally, with one fist breaking punch, I broke free. My limbsrelaxed and I sighed, nuzzling my cheek into her palm. Allowing herto take the dagger, I said, "I'm so sorry, Em."
She dropped the dagger next to usand sat up to hug me. "It wasn't your fault," she saidsoothingly.
"I need to get rid of him," Irelaxed into her embrace.
"We're working toward that,but it will take time and patience," she lectured.
"He tried to kill you! Itried to kill you," I protested.
"I'm still alive because ofyour strength, Ana. You have the power to beat him," she said.
My hands were shaking and shetook them in hers, stilling the trembling. "I'm just so tired,"I confessed, looking down at her pale, delicate hands calming mine.
"I know," she saidcompassionately. "But we are making progress. I promise. Now, takeyour dagger," she took her hand away, picking the dagger up andholding it toward me. "And go back to your husband."
I shook my head wildly, my hairfalling into my eyes. "Keep it! And, uh, lock your door." I stoodquickly and started to leave.
"Ana," she called softly.
I stopped and turned to look ather, one hand on the door. "Yeah?"
She stood and floated to me,walking on her toes like a dancer. She stopped just short of mypersonal space and smiled. "Did you need to talk about it?"
I pursed my lips in indecision.Finally, I shook my head. Without saying another word, I opened thedoor and slipped out, heading back toward my room.
I hugged myself, feeling cold onthe inside. I'd never forgive myself if I allowed Balthazar to usemy body to murder Emmeline. Not just Emmeline, but anyone for thatmatter. It's not like I'd never killed, but I'd never outrightmurdered an innocent person. I wasn't going to start with Em.
I slipped quietly into my bedroomand started toward the bed where I thought Anders still slept. Abouthalfway to the bed, I nearly jumped out of my skin when I heard hisvoice. "Where did you go?"
I spun with my heart beating inmy throat. "Blimey," My hand went to my chest. "You scared theshit out of me!" I tried laughing it off as I crossed the roomtoward the chair where he sat rocking Abram.
"Where did you go?" herepeated.
"Privy," I lied frowning.
He looked disappointed as hestood. He handed me Abram, kissed my cheek softly and walked past meto climb back into the bed. I looked down at Abram who was slowlyfalling back to sleep. "Of course, luv."
I tucked Abram into his bassinetand followed Anders. I couldn't bring myself to defend my lie. Thatwould only make it worse. Anders was already suspicious after thenight Balthazar had tried to get me to throw myself off the balcony.I didn't think he had figured it out, but he knew something wasn'tright. I climbed into the bed as Anders rolled onto his side to facehis back to me. My eyes stung, threatening tears. Instead of lettingthat happen, I climbed awkwardly over him and huddled my body closeto his.
When he didn't respond, Ideterminedly lifted his arm, moved myself into the curve of his bodyand wrapped the arm around me. He didn't resist, but didn'tassist me either. I curled into a ball close to his body and waitedfor him to do something. Finally after I thought he would never givein, he tightened his arm around me and buried his face in my hair. Icould feel him shaking and I know I was experiencing the sobs thatwere wracking his body. "Maker, help me," I whispered, my owntears finally escaping.
