I slept all of the way until westopped to camp. Then, I was only awake long enough to stuff somefood down my throat before I retired with Reif on my heels. Justbeing with him, uninterrupted was wonderful. It was like withBalthazar there, there had been a barrier between us.
The next day, I rode with Reifagain, but didn't sleep. My mind was on my family. I wanted to seemy sons and my husband and hold them in my arms as I did Reif. It hadbeen so long since I could feel. Everything had been dulled whenBalthazar had taken me. Now it was as if everything was that muchmore intense. I was me again and I wanted to share that with my lovedones.
When we stopped for the night, Ismiled at Reif. Are youup for some alone time?
He knew exactly what I meant andsmiled back. It'sbeen waytoo long. Those village girls will never satisfy me the way you do,Stasia.
Peasants, Ismirked, taking his hand and leading him into the tent.
We stood facing each other and hebrushed my hair behind my ear with one hand, while the other huggedmy hips closer to him. "You're absolutely sure you're up forthis?" he asked.
I nodded. "Please, your handsare starting to get cold."
"I see," he smirked and slidhis hand up under my shirt to touch my back.
I jumped and shrieked, laughing."Stop," I pushed his hand away and he caught me, pulling me backto him so our bodies touched again.
Burying his face in my neck, henipped gently at my old scars and the new set I held from thedisastrous time he'd found out about Balthazar and refused to healme. "I'm sorry I was not more understanding," he sighed.
"It's over now," I said,already having forgiven him.
I held his head in place and hetook a moment to breathe me in before sinking his teeth into myflesh. I relaxed into ecstasy when he did not pull away. He drank,pulling deep shots of pleasure from me with every swallow. When hewas close to finishing, he skillfully swiped his tongue over his ownfangs, cutting it and drawing blood. It melded with mine, calling ourauras and healing us both. "Exquisite," he sighed, hugging me tohim so I wouldn't fall. I tended to get stumbly after a bite thatintense.
"You weren't so badyourself," I giggled.
"Don't ever leave me again,"he chuckled.
"On my father's honor!"
We reached Banaila in two moredays and I was greeted with hugs from all except Beri who simplynodded and said, "Welcome back, commander." I hadn't expectedmuch more.
I noticed as we traveled homethat Stephanie kept close watch on me. I think she was wary that Iwas still not entirely myself. I was doing a lot of moping, but thatwas just because I missed Anders.
Upon our return to Malourne, hedid not come down to the gates to meet us as Stefan, Wen and Emmelinedid.
"So our girl is cured?"Stefan asked hopefully.
I shrugged. "Balthazar is gone.My sanity may still be a bit lacking."
"Well, thatis nothing new," he grinned, pulling me into a tight hug. When hereleased me, ruffling my hair, I laughed. "It's good to see thatsmile."
My smile faded. "Where'sAnders?"
"I saw him last by thefountain," Emmeline offered sympathetically.
"Thanks, Em. If you'll allexcuse me." I walked away from the crowd and toward the garden,hoping to find Anders still there. When I saw him sitting on theedge, tossing flower petals into the water, my heart flip-flopped. Iapproached him slowly and said, "Can I join you?"
His shoulders tensed when heheard my voice, but he said, "It's a free country."
I sat down, not too close, givinghim his space. Neither of us spoke for a while until I couldn'tstand it anymore. "Balthazar is gone," I announced.
"Congratulations," he saiddryly.
I hesitated again. "Anders, I..."
He cut me off. "Was that allyou had to say, because I'm a little busy."
"I..." I tried again.
"It was? Oh, good!" He stoodand walked off, leaving me stunned and beaten down.
I sat, staring at the empty breakin the hedges where he'd disappeared through, praying he would comeback and tell me he'd been kidding. I heard movement and my hopesrose, only to be dashed when Reif appeared with Stephanie. I slumpedas they approached and sat on either side of me. "I heard whathappened," Reif explained.
"I'm sorry, Mama," Stephput her hand on my knee and squeezed.
I pressed my lips together,refusing to cry. I felt them exchanging looks over my head and Reifasked. "Did you want me to stay with you tonight?"
I shook my head. "No, you twogo ahead," I insisted.
"You can use my room," Stephoffered.
I nodded. "Thanks." As muchas I loved the comfort, I needed to be alone. "I'm going for awalk," I said, standing and starting toward the exit.
"Mama," Steph called afterme. I stopped and turned and she said, "We love you, no matterwhat."
I smiled. "I know, baby."Then I turned, hugging myself and left.
