hot chocolate

22

we sat in the same café i used to sit with you. it felt weird. not being with you, spending my time with you. maybe i really did ruin you? maybe gi was right?

i was dragged out of my thoughts when jungkook sat with our orders and a big smile on his face that he failed to hide. i smiled at him too.

'hot chocolate for you m'lady and a chocolate milkshake for me' he said, his lips forming in a pout. he was adorable.

'um, sun? you good?' i shook my head, noticing that i probably stared at him.

'oh! i'm good. i really am' i smiled at him once again. he didn't seem like he believed me. he put the cup that was in his hand down on the table. 'look. i know you're not good. you can keep lying to someone else, but i know you too well' he told me with concern racing through his eyes. i didn't say anything. i mean, in the end, what could i really say? he was right. i'm not good. not good at all.

'see, you keep getting lost in your thoughts and i'm worried for you sun. please let me help you, okay?' i just nodded. 'is it about hyung and gi?'

'jungkook, look...'

'yeah it is' he sighed.

'yoongi hyung has been breaking your heart so much lately and all you ever do to him is support him and give him all the love he needs. he's being a dickhead in return'

'but i mean, what can i do? i can't just fight for him.' i said helplessly. 'if you truly love him, then yes.'

'but what if i don't truly love him?'

-

but what if i don't truly love him.

the whole sentence repeated in the boy's head for so long, like a broken record player. he felt as if he had a chance? as if the universe is giving him what he wanted. but his universe was her, but what if he wasn't what she wanted?

they were walking side by side. her beautiful face was puffy and red from all the crying in the café. maybe he shouldn't have started the conversation with that topic. his eyes were wandering around the streets. he saw a stand selling roses. he told songul to go to sit on the bench and wait for him. she nodded, wiping her tears away and walking up to the bench.

jungkook walked up to the stand where an old man was working. 'hello young man, how many roses would you like?' the man seemed polite. he did catch the younger glancing every two seconds to the girl sitting on the bench. 'one rose. but please, if you have any ribbon or anything to decorate it, do it. i really want to make her happy' the old man smiled. 'for your girlfriend?' jungkook stopped himself for a second, if he said that she was his girlfriend would she feel uncomfortable? 'not yet' he said through a big smile. he didn't lie. at least he thought so. he was pretty confident in himself and his actions. 'oh my young man! good luck. i can tell how much you like her just by seeing how you glance at her every two seconds' jungkook smiled. the old man finished decorating the rose. the younger was about to pay him but the old man stopped him. 'no, you don't have to pay. take this as a gift from me. go make that girl your girlfriend' jungkook was truly in awe. before he turned around, about to walk to the girl he truly loved, he waved to the old man and bid his goodbyes.

before really walking up to her, he inhaled a sharp breath. he hid the rose behind him and sat next to songul. she looked at him and barely smiled. it pained him to see her like that. his free hand took hers and held it tightly while he showed her the rose that was hidden behind her. her eyes widened and a smile appeared on her face. he sighed in relief as he saw her smile.

'this is for you, noona' he gave her the rose. her cheeks were now tinted by a rosy pink colour. she was blushing.

she didn't say anything. she hugged him tightly. he could hear her quiet sobs as she gripped onto his shirt.

'why are you crying? are you sad noona?' he asked her, confused by the sudden outburst as a sudden wave of sadness rushed through his body. she pulled away from him, taking the rose from his hand.

'i think we went through a lot for you to still call me noona, jungkook. drop the formalities please' she laughed slightly. the younger saw a tear rolling down her cheek and the first thing he did, without any thinking, was wiping her tear. they both froze. jungkook was about to pull his hand away until she stopped him and put his hand back on her cheek.

'i'm not sad jungkook, can't you see? you make me so happy it's truly impossible to be sad with you' she said through a smile.

jungkook caressed her cheek and thought how beautiful she was.

'beautiful' was the thing he suddenly blurted out.

'huh?' sun's expression seemed surprised. jungkook, now realizing what he said, repeated the word once again.

'beautiful. you. you're beautiful' he smiled at her softly.

'jungkook, i-' he put a finger on her lips, shushing her. 'don't say anything, okay? let's just enjoy the moment'

-

after a while, jungkook decided to walk back to the orphanage with me. it was truly a breathtaking night, a night i won't ever forget. jungkook's words still lingered in my mind as i processed what was actually happening right now.

a little before the orphanage jungkook stopped me. 'c-can i ask you something?' he stuttered. i found it adorable and just nodded. he inhaled deeply.

'okay jungkook you can do this' he whispered to himself.

i heard him whisper that all along to himself while we were walking to the orphanage.

'songul noona, will you let me be the one for you?' he said. my eyes widened as i tried to process what he had just said. 'i know this is out of nowhere, but let me make you happy sun. you deserve that.' he told me. 'please' he added quietly, as if he was vulnerable. 'but jungkook, you know about yoo-'

'yeah i do, and? he is always going to hurt you if you keep letting him' he looked mad. but i didn't understand why he was mad about something he wasn't supposed to be?

'i'm pretty sure that that is none of your bussiness mister.' i told him while he just rolled his eyes. sassy.

'please noona, listen to me at least for once.' he was practically begging me right now. i sighed. maybe he was right. 'okay.' he tilted his head like a lost puppy.

'what do you mean okay?'

'i mean okay : we're going to try out whatever this is.' i signaled at the space between us. 'but just... give me some time to get used to this, okay?' jungkook started jumping around happily making me giggle at his cuteness. he hugged me tightly and then kissed my cheek.

'oh my dear sun! how i always wanted to say that to you' i smiled and hugged him back.

'okay, but you're killing me now i can't breathe!' he let go of my body and smiled at me the whole time.

'but i have to go kook, i don't want to get in trouble'

'yeah yeah, i will wait until you enter the orphanage, okay?' i nodded, smiling at him while walking away from him. as i entered the room quietly, i was greeted by the four girls waiting for me with excitment lingering in their eyes.

-

'so yeah... that's basically it. he confessed and i guess we're trying out this thing whatever it is' to be honest, i was confused myself. i mean, did i like him? did i still love you? if i did, would i end up hurting jungkook?

'hey, you okay? you seem a little bit pale and out of it...' areum asked me. 'i'm okay, just... thinking if this is a good idea you know? i didn't sort out my feelings, yet i put jungkook's before mine' i sighed. mina tapped my shoulder and made me look at her.

'look babe, we believe in you. you are going to be the best girlfriend ever for him. i hope you will sort out your feelings and if not, don't feel bad to put yourself first, okay?' the other girls nodded, agreeing with what mina said.

'i will think through it, maybe it won't be as bad as i think so'